What is micro-misogyny?

Imagine going out to dinner with a seemingly nice guy. Yet while you’re still perusing the menu, he simply orders for you without asking. Or maybe, even though you are the one who asks for the check, the waiter automatically hands it to the guy. Do these situations sound familiar?
If they do, you’ve experienced micro-misogyny. 

While most people are quick to spot and call out misogyny, micro-misogyny is arguably easier to miss. Micro-misogyny can be described as everyday sexism, which has been socialized and internalized. This internalized prejudice against women is so common that even women often miss it. Byproducts of socialized micro-misogyny, however, include women doubting, shaming, or undervaluing themselves. 

So what are some things both men and women do that are actually rooted in micro-misogyny?

Things born from micro-misogyny

Photo by Michelle Ding on Unsplash

1. Double Standards and Tone Policing 

While women are frowned upon or punished for being assertive, men are praised. Some examples of words that highlight this double standard include ‘bossy’, ‘cold’, and ‘hysterical’. 

A 2014 study examined 248 reviews of people working for 28 different companies in the tech sector. Out of a total of 75 reviews of women, 17 included the word ‘abrasive’. Interestingly, it appeared in none of the 105 reviews of men. ‘Abrasive’, however, was not the only word disproportionately applied to women. Other words included ‘bossy’, ‘aggressive’, ‘strident’, ‘emotional’, and ‘irrational’. While men are praised for certain characteristics, women are punished and shamed for the same traits. 

Similarly, tone policing involves silencing another person’s ideas on the basis of emotion. Its primary victims are women, people of color, and people of the LGBTQ+ community. Does this sound familiar: ‘You’re overreacting – are you on your period?’
Tone policing classifies as verbal violence and casual sexism. It also highlights the prevalent double standard regarding tone between men and women (including non-binary people). 

2. Manterrupting 

Imagine a woman is talking, a man randomly interrupts her, and simply carries the conversation on from there. Most of us are probably familiar with this situation – a phenomenon known as manterrupting. 

Researchers at the George Washington University examined three-minute-long discussions among 20 pairs of men and women and examined interruptions. They found that, on average, women interrupted men just once, and men interrupted other men twice. Overall, both groups interrupted women more. Women interrupted other women 2.8 times per conversation, and men interrupted them 2.6 times. 

While micro-misogyny is targeting women, a common misconception is that they can’t be misogynists themselves. Because micro-misogyny is internalized, women can also be socialized to sabotage other women. This is evident as they too interrupt other women more than men. 

3. Mansplaining

Similarly rooted in micro-misogyny is mansplaining. Mansplaining is a term used to describe men explaining something to women in a manner that is condescending or patronizing. Often, the woman or non-binary person getting mansplained also has a higher level of expertise in the subject than the mansplainer himself. 

In fact, according to the New York Post, the average working woman experiences mansplaining six times per week – totaling 312 times per year. 

Often, men themselves are not aware of them mansplaining. Next time it happens to you, consider speaking up, challenging them by asking questions, or offering to explain mansplaining.

4. Shaming and victim-blaming

Rooted in and born from micro-misogyny is the shaming of women.
Women in our society are constantly shamed. Whether for choosing not to have children, for the way they dress, for choosing not to shave, or for menstruating.

For instance, if a woman chooses to show skin, she is sexualized, but if she chooses to cover up, society is quick to label her as prudent. Linked to this and also rooted in micro-misogyny are the much-contested dress codes in many U.S. schools. Girls are shamed for showing skin and are told to cover up – as boys might be distracted. Reprimanding girls rather than teaching boys to control themselves and thus putting the blame on women is clearly deeply rooted in (micro-)misogyny. 

Similarly, victim-blaming is also a form of shaming women. Victim-blaming occurs when the victim of a crime (often a woman) itself is held at fault – either partially or entirely. An example of victim-blaming is asking women who have experienced sexual violence what they wore when it happened. This suggests to women that if they had dressed differently, they could have prevented it, and thus finds fault with them. However, the fault lies entirely with the perpetrator of the crime – but unfortunately, often, women are suggested otherwise.

A Belgian victim support group tried to counteract and dispel these assumptions. In an exhibition, they displayed clothing worn by rape victims at the time of their attack. On display were pajamas, dresses, tracksuit bottoms, and even a child’s t-shirt, showing that only one person is responsible for sexual assault: the perpetrator.

5. Sexist language

Photo by Rochelle Brown on Unsplash

Although sexist language might seem easy to spot, many remarks have become so common that they are easy to miss. This includes sexist jokes, the objectification, and sexualization of women, and using gender as an insult. 

A video shot by Lauren Greenfield for an Always campaign shows the impact of using gender as an insult. In the video, young girls and boys, teenagers, and adults are asked to ‘run like a girl’, ‘fight like a girl’, and ‘throw like a girl’. While the boys and the older participants (regardless of gender) giggle and flail their arms around, the younger girls act quite differently. When one of the girls is asked what ‘running like a girl’ means to her, she says it means to ‘run as fast as you can’. The campaign then prompts the question: ‘When did doing something ‘like a girl’ become an insult?’ 

Using gendered insults results in a drop in girls’ self-confidence. Essentially they suggest to girls and women that they are inherently weaker than men and simply inferior.

6. Gender stereotyping

Even though definitions of gender are becoming more blurred, many children are still raised in accordance with gender stereotypes.
Often, from the moment the sex of the baby is announced, one of two separate gender paths is chosen for the child. While a baby boy’s nursery is often painted blue and already prepped with toy cars and small soccer balls, a girl’s room tends to end up pink with dolls in the corner. 

How is this rooted in micro-misogyny?
Whether it be a barbie, a makeup kit, or fun jewelry to play with, the majority of toys marketed towards girls teach them to focus on beauty.
However, stereotypical girls’ toys also teach them traditional gender roles. Dolls simulate taking care of future children, easy-bake-ovens are targeted towards girls because of a woman’s traditional role as a housewife.
Similarly, however, boys are discouraged from playing with ‘girl’s toys’. As boys are taught masculinity is ‘something good’ and feminity is ‘something less’, playing with toys such as dolls is seen as weak. Because this is internalized and passed down generations, boys wanting to try “feminine” toys like makeup are stigmatized, and subject to bullying. 

With gendered toys rooted in micro-misogyny, gender stereotyping limits both girls and boys in their gender expression. However, it also reinforces the prevailing notion that girls and women are inferior. 

Reacting to and unlearning micro-misogyny

Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels

So what if next time you’re angry, a guy asks you if you are on your period because he doesn’t seem to think that you can have feelings without being driven by hormones?
Or what if your grandma criticizes your behavior and tells you that ‘boys don’t like smart girls’?

Micro-misogyny is internalized and socialized, and as such most people do not question their statements. Even though they do not intend to bring women down and reinforce the misogyny prevalent in society, many do so without realizing it.
So how do you unlearn internalized misogyny? For starters, it is important to actively pay attention to everyday scenarios and try to spot hidden sexism. If you notice yourself being sexist, stop and correct yourself, and explain to others why what sexist comment was not okay. If you notice others being misogynistic, don’t be afraid to challenge their statements and these situations and alert the person to what they imply. 

Though talking to family members or friends about difficult topics such as sexism can be challenging, actively seeking out a conversation is essential. 

If you are not a woman yourself, educate yourself, and learn how to become an ally for women’s rights and gender equality. Only through communication and education can we collectively counteract micro-misogyny. 

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.