When a national holiday rolls around, there’s always an emphasis on gathering with family to celebrate. For some, that’s just not feasible. Many people celebrate holidays without family, but it’s not always easy. 

For someone who has suffered family violence, has a toxic family member, an abusive relative, or mental health problems that are triggered by their family, holidays can be a difficult time. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being over the pressure to reunite with family for festivities. Whether you don’t have a family to gather with, or just choose not to, keep reading for some tips on how to navigate holidays without family. 

Tips for a safe, stress-free holiday

Photo by AJ Garcia on Unsplash

It can be painful not to gather with your family when it seems like everybody else is. Maybe you don’t have any family in your area to celebrate with, you choose not to because it’s too much for your mental health, or you don’t even have the option because of family trauma. There are many different reasons why people don’t celebrate the holidays with their families. Follow these tips to make it as easy on yourself as possible:

1. Be honest with yourself. Really check in with yourself to determine whether or not you’re up for the reunion with your family. If it’s going to bring up any pain, past-trauma, or uncomfortable feelings for you, it might be best to sit this one out. There’s no shame in putting yourself first if your family just doesn’t bring out the best in you. 
2. That being said, be honest with others. Even if you have family in the area who would expect you to join them to celebrate, let them know if you won’t be there. It’s better to be upfront with them, instead of canceling at the last minute. 
3. Plan in advance. Make plans for the day of the holiday, to keep yourself busy. Finding yourself at home alone, when you know everyone else is celebrating, will make the day much harder- even if it was your own choice not to celebrate with your family.
4. Unplug from technology. Social media is a great way to connect with people you don’t see every day, by keeping up with what they are doing. On days that can be lonely, this can be more painful than beneficial. To avoid FOMO, stay off your socials for the day and just focus on what you’re doing!

Ways to spend the holidays without family

Photo by S O C I A L . C U Ton Unsplash

To follow tip #3, you need to have ideas of what to plan! It’s much more common than you may realize to spend the holidays without your family. Here is a gathered list of what to do instead of celebrating with your relatives:

• With your friends! Reach out to your friends, and let them know you don’t have people to celebrate with. True friends are people you can rely on when you need something. It’s more than likely somebody will warmly welcome you to their holiday celebration. In my experience, my family will always welcome anyone who doesn’t have a place to go. My brother’s friend spent Thanksgiving with us last year because all of his family lives in Mexico. It was great! 
• Plan a vacation or a day trip. It can be nice to get away from home, especially if your family lives in the area. A change of scenery is always refreshing, and you can focus on the new place instead of what you’re missing at home.
• Work. A lot of places are often understaffed on holidays because people request them off. If you don’t have plans anyway, picking up a shift is a good way to pass the time by keeping busy. And you’ll be making some extra money. 
• Do something totally unrelated. If it’s easier for you, don’t celebrate the holiday. Choose a challenging recipe and dedicate the day to perfecting it. Another idea is to have a self-care day- face masks, a bath, watch movies, etc. Check out our blog post on self-care tips for the holidays. Or, If you’ve been wanting to learn a new hobby, this can be your day to start!

We have a blog post on less traditional ways to bring in the new year. Even though the nearest national holiday is the fourth of July, you can still do some of the activities mentioned. Check it out here. 

Scripture to turn to in times of loneliness

• “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)
• “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwellings.” (Psalm 68:5) 
• “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
• Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Conclusion

Society paints a pretty picture of the stereotypical holiday celebration- filled with family, smiles, and fun. That is just not a reality for everyone- and we need to know that that’s okay! Our mission at Safe Harbor IM is to provide resources and restoration to families who have experienced violence and trauma. It’s not always quick and easy. It takes work and a strong faith in God. If celebrating with your family isn’t an option for you right now, we hope this post was helpful. We encourage you to turn to your faith and trust in Him to keep you well during difficult times.

We wish everyone a safe, healthy, and stress-free Fourth of July; no matter what/with who/ how you will be spending the day. Be sure to take CDC recommended measures to prevent the spread of COVID, as well. 

Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.

Featured Image: Photo by Jason Denton Unsplash