Suicide Awareness and Prevention

by | Nov 2, 2020 | Empowerment, Family Life, Featured Post, Mental health

If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, we encourage you to speak to someone. You can call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for free and confidential support 24/7. For more resources, scroll down to the bottom of the article. 

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, with around 1 death for every 25 suicide attempts. Each year, around 50,000 Americans lose their lives to suicide. Understanding the reasons behind suicide can be hard for some people, yet for someone experiencing depression or feelings of despair, it might seem like there is no other option. 

With November 21 marking the International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, we want to shine some light on warning signs of suicide, how to respond to them, and how to start a conversation around suicide. If at any point in this article you feel like you need to reach out to someone, please do so and talk to a friend, a family member, or professionals at 1-800-273-8255. Even though it might sometimes feel like it, if the statistics show anything, it is that you are not alone.

Two people holding hands and supporting each other

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

Understanding Suicide: Risk Factors

A person wanting to take their life can have a range of reasons. Among the most cited are psychiatric disorders, substance abuse, and family and social situations. Some studies report that close to 90% of suicidal people suffer from a form of mental disorder, with depression, schizophrenia, PTSD, and eating and bipolar disorders among the most common. 

However, family and social circumstances are also contributing factors to suicide risk. Situations might include but are not limited to, homelessness, unemployment, domestic violence (including the LGBT+ community), sexual violence, social isolation, feelings of rejection, stress, or loss of a loved one. 

Particularly with COVID-19 having profound psychological and social effects, suicide rates are increasing. For instance, a US emergency hotline for people in emotional distress has recorded an increase of 1000% in April. With an international mental health crisis on the rise, it is important to be aware of suicide warning signs, and where to get help. 

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

Warning Signs of Suicide

Remember to take any and all warning signs of suicide seriously. The list below is by no means an exhaustive list, so be guided by your instincts. 

Most people considering suicide give warning signals, but unfortunately, these are often missed. If you are aware of some of the most common warning signs of suicide, you can play a role in the suicide prevention of a friend, a family member, a colleague, or even a stranger. 

If you believe that someone you know may be suicidal, show that you care, and get professional help involved. 

Non-verbal indicators

  • Social withdrawal and isolation
  • Constant anger or frustration
  • Alcohol or drug abuse/addiction
  • Rapid weight changes and poor diet
  • Reckless behaviors
  • A persistent drop in mood or extreme mood swings
  • Disinterest in maintaining personal hygiene 
  • Preoccupation with death
  • Sleeping too little or too much

Verbal indicators

  • Hopelessness
  • No hope for the future
  • Self-loathing and self-hatred
  • Indicating suicide or self-harm
  • Talking about death or wanting to die
  • Feelings of worthlessness and despair
  • Believing they are a burden to others
  • Feeling trapped
  • No sense of purpose
A drawing of two hands becoming one

Photo by United Nations COVID-19 Response on Unsplash

Suicide Prevention: How to respond to warning signs

If you spot any of those warning signs, you might naturally be anxious about starting a conversation with that person. What if you’re wrong and they’re not considering suicide? What if they are and you mentioning it will make the situation worse? Or what if they get angry? 

If someone talks about suicide or exhibits a number of verbal and non-verbal indicators, it is typically a cry for attention and a cry for help. If you are wrong and that person is not experiencing suicidal ideation, you will not do any harm by showing that you care. 

On the other hand, however, giving someone the opportunity to express their feelings by asking if they are okay, is sometimes all a person might need. 

Ways to start a conversation

  • Are you okay?
  • How are you feeling?
  • I have been feeling worried about you lately.
  • I recently noticed that you’ve changed – are you okay?
  • Is there anything you want to talk about?
  • I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing.
  • I was just thinking about you and I wanted to check in.
  • You don’t seem yourself lately – do you want to talk about it?
  • Are you having thoughts about hurting yourself?

Questions you can ask

  • How long have you felt like this?
  • When did you start feeling this way?
  • Is there anything I can do for you?
  • What can I do to help you?
  • What do you need?
  • How can I best support you?
  • Have you thought about getting help?

Reassuring and helpful things you can say/do

  • You are not alone in this.
  • I support you.  
  • I am here for you.
  • Let me know what I can do.
  • I may not fully understand how you feel, but I am there for you. 
  • I care about you.
  • Whenever you feel like you want to give up, tell yourself that you will hold off for one more week, one more day, one more hour, one more minute – whatever you can manage. 
  • Whenever you feel like giving up, call me, text me, call someone else, text someone else. You are loved.
  • Actively encourage healthy behavior

What not to do/say

  • Do not argue with the person. Accept how they feel. 
    • Do not say things like “But you have so much to live for”, “I don’t get it”, or “It’s just a phase”.
  • Promise confidentiality.
    • When suicide is involved, life is at risk. If you know that someone is suicidal, always encourage them to seek out professional help, or get a mental health professional involved yourself. 
  • Judge or try to fix things.
    • The person does not have to justify their feelings. Giving advice and trying to fix a problem is not the solution. 

If the person denies being suicidal or does not want to talk to you, remind them that you are there for them in the future and that you will listen to them whenever they feel like talking. Let them know that there is a range of resources online, including helplines, online chats, and text services with mental health professionals. 

A young man feeling down, but getting support from his friends

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Where to get help

Even though women* are reportedly more likely to experience suicidal ideation, men* are four times as likely to commit suicide. Unfortunately, there is still stigma attached to men’s mental health, making them less likely to reach out for help. 

Know that there is no shame in getting help. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, know that there are people who will listen, judgment-free:

  • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)
    • Talk to a mental health professional at 1-800-273-8255 (free and available 24/7)
    • Chat with a mental health professional (available 24/7)
  • The Crisis Text Line (USA)
    • Text HOME to 741741 to talk to a counselor for free. Available 24/7. 
  • The Trevor Project (USA)
    • For suicide prevention amongst the LGBTQIA+ youth
    • Call 866-488-7386 (available 24/7)
  • Suicide Crisis Lines worldwide 
    • Here you can find the national suicide hotline for your country. 
You matter.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

Conclusion

Remember that it is important to speak up if you suspect someone you know might be suffering from suicidal thoughts. It is just as important to show them that you care and that you are there for them. 

If you yourself are experiencing feelings of hopelessness or despair, remind yourself that you are not alone. Reach out to people you know or to any of the helplines above to talk to someone who will simply listen. 

Whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you are experiencing – you are not alone. 

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.  

How to Celebrate Halloween in Times of COVID-19

by | Oct 26, 2020 | Family Life, Family Living, Featured Post, Holidays, Parenting

Though it seems like we only just celebrated New Year’s, 2020 is quickly coming to an end and 2021 is fast approaching. With Halloween just around the corner and COVID-19 unfortunately still in all our lives, you might wonder how to celebrate this fall.
We collected some tips and ideas on how you can make this year’s Halloween special.

Hollowed out pumpkin next to a sign saying "31 October"

Photo by Александар Цветановић from Pexels

Socially-distanced celebrations

  • Throw a virtual/socially-distanced Halloween party

You can celebrate with an online dinner party, and stage contests for the scariest looking food, the best costume, or the best house decorations. You could also have a pumpkin-carving competition or decide on a scary movie to watch simultaneously.
Or, if your driveway or garden is big enough, invite some friends over and watch a movie from the comfort of your own cars. 

  • Drive-through haunted houses

Though not technically a house, Orlando’s newest Halloween attraction guarantees contactless horror. Florida’s new “Haunted Road” comes in both a normal and a family-friendly version and is a definite must this October for anyone living in Central Florida. 

  • Drive-in movie theatres

Of course, if you don’t live in Florida and you still want to feel scared while enjoying the comfort of your own car, consider seeing a movie at a drive-in theatre this Halloween. Whether you are based in the US, Canada, or Australia, here you can find a list of drive-ins near you. 

Halloween pumpkins with candles inside

Photo by Sudan Ouyang on Unsplash

Celebrating with children

Understanding why Halloween is different than usual can be hard, especially for smaller children. If you are not going trick-or-treating this year, here are a few ideas for some scary-looking food or DIY decorations to make with your children. 

Halloween food to make with kids

Though technically pizza bites, this snack is ideal for creative kids. The recipe video shows you how to make pizza bites looking like bones, coffins, or pumpkins – but especially with tomato sauce looking like blood, kids can get as creative as they want. 

With one of its main ingredients being vodka, this punch is technically ideal for the parents. However, the vodka can just be substituted, and what really makes this recipe great is that it comes with instructions on how to make scary-looking ice cubes. 

These chocolate-flavoured cookies are perfect for making with kids, as they are easy and fun to make. The orange M&Ms on top can also be substituted with other colours or the children can form scary figures rather than round cookies. 

This recipe is very easy and quick to make, though you will need a mold resembling a brain. Though it can be fun making it with kids, the true highlight of the jello brain is eating it. 

Though this recipe looks difficult, it is relatively easy to replicate. As a lot of knife-cutting is involved, however, this food is better prepared with older children.
The final result is definitely worth the effort. 

Halloween DIY decorations to make with kids

Primarily made from glue, this slime is easy to make and perfect for younger kids. The slime can also be used to decorate things like glass containers or pumpkins. 

These floating candles à la Harry Potter are surprisingly easy to make and mostly require material you already have at home. Especially when using electric candles, they can be hung up around the entire home and simulate at least a little of that Hogwarts energy. 

Because there are hundreds of different craft ideas out there, have a look at this Youtube video to get some more ideas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAKdz-QfvoQ

Pumpkins on the stairs leading up to the front door

Photo by Artie Siegel from Pexels

Socially-distanced trick or treating

If you want people to come over to your house for trick-or-treating, here are some ideas on how to make it safe and still enjoyable for the children. Rather than packing up candy into individual plastic bags and adding to environmental pollution, consider these fun ideas instead:

  • Set up a candy graveyard

Instead of handing out the candy, consider hiding it in your yard. You can either build and set up gravestones and crosses, or you can decorate it in whatever spooky way you want. 

Having the children go look for the candy amongst scary decorations might potentially even be more fun than the traditional trick-or-treating. 

  • Make trick-or-treating a game

If you prefer something a little more low-key, you might want to consider throwing the candy and having the children catch it. If you still want to pack up the candy into individual bags, make sure to use paper bags or even decorated glass jars instead. 

You can also store the candy in a hollowed-out pumpkin at the end of your driveway, or hide a few pumpkins in your yard for the kids to find.

  • Create a candy chute

Follow in the footsteps of a parent from Cincinnati, who created a fun candy chute to ensure socially distanced trick-or-treating. You can use a variety of materials and colours when creating the chute, and it will not only look great in your yard, but the children will definitely love it. 

Photo of a Halloween pumpkin

Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Conclusion

Though Halloween will definitely be different this year, it doesn’t have to be any less fun.
Whether you are celebrating with your close family at home, going on a contactless trick-or-treating tour of the neighbourhood, or creating fun crafts and food with your kids, there are a lot of ways to enjoy this year’s Halloween.
If you are celebrating without family this year and spending Halloween on your own, consider throwing a virtual party via Zoom, or treat yourself to a midnight movie at a drive-in.

And with November fast approaching, remember to vote and make your voice heard!

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/. 

Learn About Breast Cancer: Myths, Symptoms, and More

by | Oct 12, 2020 | Empowerment, Family Life, Featured Post, Healthy Lifestyles, Staying Healthy, support groups, Words of Encouragement

Disclaimer: We want to raise awareness that it is not just cisgender women that own breasts and can experience breast cancer – intersex, non-binary people and trans men for instance can, too. However, the studies referred to in this article use the word ‘woman’ in their research. For accuracy, we have not changed the terminology. We have, however, added a little asterisk to gendered terms to highlight that these studies can also refer to people who have been assigned female/male at birth, yet identify differently.
We also want to clarify that this article was not written by a health professional. For medical advice, please speak to your doctor. 

1 in 8 women* in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, making it the most common cancer in American women*. In comparison, around 2 men* out of 100,000 get breast cancer at some point in their lives.
Though breast cancer has gotten a lot of attention over the last couple of years, some myths still persist. With October marking Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we want to clear up those myths, help you understand your body, and explain how you can check your own breasts for potential symptoms. 

Two hands holding two lemons

Photo by Dainis Graveris from Pexels

Understand the biology of your breasts 

Biologically female breasts are primarily made up of fat cells called adipose tissue. This tissue is not just inside your boob, but it actually reaches from just below your collarbone down to your underarm and even across the ribcage.
Each breast is made up of a number of lobes, usually around 12 to 20. Each of those lobes is made up of smaller lobules which can produce milk if you are nursing, as they are connected to the milk ducts. This is typically where breast cancer starts to form. 

Busting some myths around breast cancer

MYTH: Breast cancer only affects biologically female people.

  • TRUTH: While breast cancer also affects intersex people, non-binary people, and trans men, it can also affect biologically male people, though rare.
    However, around 2600 men* in the United States are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. Because the awareness around male* breast cancer is not as high as it is in women*, many men* do not regularly check their breasts. This leads to men* diagnosed with breast cancer being 50 years or older on average, increasing the male* breast cancer mortality rate.
  • Though the awareness around breast cancer is higher in women* than in men*, many individuals still do not regularly check their breasts. This might potentially be rooted in the stigma still attached to women* touching their own bodies, whether it be for self-pleasure or other reasons, such as a regular self-examination of the breast.
    However, we encourage you to help break down that stigma by actively practicing breast self-exams – what better way is there than to start checking your chest and taking care of your health?

MYTH: Finding a lump means you have breast cancer.

  • TRUTH: While a lump can be a sign of cancer, most have other causes such as benign cysts. Because the biologically female body undergoes menstruation, which is regulated by hormones, boobs can change throughout the cycle. For example, throughout your cycle you may experience tenderness, lumpiness (as milk glands enlarge), swelling, pain, or soreness.
    If you do find a lump, you can either choose to see a doctor immediately, or monitor it for a week or two and see if anything changes as you move on to the next stage in your cycle. Lumps don’t necessarily mean cancer, but keep in mind that with cancer, early detection is critical.

MYTH: If you have breast pain, you have cancer.

  • TRUTH: Similarly to finding a lump, experiencing breast pain does not necessarily mean that you have cancer. In fact, most often it does not.
    Breast pain can be completely normal, particularly around your period, during pregnancy, puberty, or menopause, and it can also be caused by harmless cysts or abscesses.
    If you experience persistent pain, however, let your doctor have a closer look.
A woman self-examining her breasts

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

How to self-examine your breasts

No matter your age or gender, knowing your body is important, and so is checking your breasts on a regular basis. By self-examining your breasts at least once a month, you will be able to notice if anything about them changes. 

  • To check your boobs, use your three middle fingers and stretch them out flat. Pat down your chest area, using light, medium, and firm pressure. While you can do this standing up, consider lying down if possible, because that enables your breast tissue to spread out equally. 
  • Remember to not just check your breasts, but to also examine your entire chest. Pat down your chest all the way up to your collarbone, and underneath your armpits as well. 
  • It’s best to make a routine out of checking your boobs, for example always on the 1st of a month. Tip: set a reminder on your phone or calendar to help you remember. Keep in mind that your period can affect your breast tissue. 
  • Should you experience unusual pain or notice some irregularities or lumps, monitor the changes for a few weeks. If they persist, consider seeing a doctor. 
  • If you need some more information on how exactly checking your breasts works, have a look at the Boob Check video by Coppa Feel. 

Breast cancer symptoms and Red Flags

When examining your breasts, there are a few things to which you should pay particular attention. If you experience any of the symptoms listed below, see if it persists for a few days to a week. If it does, consider seeing your doctor. Remember that these symptoms rarely mean that you have breast cancer. 

  • Sudden change in size or shape of your breasts
  • Changes to your boob’s skin, i.e. puckering or dimpling (similar to the peel of an orange)
  • Any new lumps appearing
  • Persistent pain
  • Nipple discharge, i.e. clear or bloody liquid
  • Nipple inversion, or nipples moving position or changing in shape and size 
  • Recent asymmetry (It is normal for your boobs to be of slightly different sizes, but if the change is recent and sudden, it might be worth having checked out.)
  • Male* breast: Breast cancer in men* often appears as a small lump underneath the nipple or areola.
The breast cancer ribbons

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels

More resources (U.S. based)

Here are some resources to help you with anything related to breast cancer. Some provide you with more information about symptoms or breast cancer treatment, and others will help you if you are in need of support. 

A person holding up the breast cancer ribbon

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Conclusion

While breast cancer can affect anyone, and regularly checking your breasts is important, keep in mind that experiencing a symptom only rarely means cancer.
This does not undermine the importance of regularly self-examining your body, because this allows you to spot any changes and enables you to get help if you need it.
If you have been diagnosed with breast cancer, remember that currently, there are around 3.5 million breast cancer survivors living in the United States alone.
If you need help or support, we encourage you to join a breast cancer support group, or to contact any of the helplines listed above.
Always remember that whatever you may be experiencing or feeling, you are not the only one. 

 

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/. 

Domestic Violence in the LGBTQIA+ Community

by | Oct 9, 2020 | Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Emotional abuse, Empowerment, Family Life, Family Living, Family Violence, Mental health, Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Words of Encouragement

Trigger Warning: This article contains discussions of suicide,.suicidal ideation,.and self-harm. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms,.we encourage you to seek help. (You can find helpful resources below.)

Although domestic violence awareness has increased over the last few years, the LGBTQIA+ community has often been left out, reflected in the fact that only 45% of LGBTQIA+ domestic violence survivors.reported the abuse to the police. With a large dark figure, however, the official percentage might be much lower..

With October marking the National Domestic Violence Awareness Month,.we therefore want to specifically raise awareness for domestic violence affecting people who do not identify as heterosexual or cisgender. 

Whether you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or you know someone who is,.this article will dispel popular myths around domestic violence. We will also explain some unique barriers LGBTQIA+ people might face,.and provide resources for getting help. 

Two girls holding hands

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Popular myths around domestic violence and the LGBTQIA+ community

MYTH: Domestic violence is mainly a ‘straight issue’ and rarely affects LGBTQIA+ people
TRUTH: LGBTQIA+ people are equally likely to experience domestic violence as people identifying as heterosexual/cisgender. In fact, 44% of lesbians and 37% of bisexual men surveyed have experienced stalking or.some type of physical/sexual violence.by an intimate partner. In comparison, 35% of heterosexual women and 29% of straight men respectively have experienced the same. 

MYTH: Psychological violence (including name-calling, outing, or attempts at controlling/threatening the partner).is not as serious as sexual or physical violence.
TRUTH: Emotional or psychological violence can include verbal aggression, manipulation, humiliation, gaslighting,.or diminishing the other person’s self-worth, and needs to be taken as seriously as any kind of physical violence.
Emotional violence can – just like physical violence.– result in anxiety, depression,.post-traumatic stress disorder, or suicidal thoughts. If you are experiencing psychological violence or are suffering from suicidal ideation,.scroll down to find a list of resources and places to get help.

MYTH: The more masculine-perceived/stronger/bigger partner is the abuser.
TRUTH: This myth is rooted in society’s preconceptions of what masculinity and femininity should mean. For instance, men are generally viewed to be stronger than women.and as such experience more stigma.when it comes to domestic violence. Even though 1 in 6 men are survivors of domestic violence, they are often afterthoughts.
Domestic violence, however, can affect everyone – regardless of gender, body traits, sexuality, or race.

Photo of a rainbow drawn on the pavement

Photo by Alex Jackman on Unsplash

Aspects unique to domestic violence in the LGBTQIA+ community

Particularly because people part of the LGBTQIA+ community are unfortunately still subject to stigma and homophobia,.there are some elements that heterosexual and cisgender people likely do not experience. 

  • Outing

An abusive person may threaten to reveal their partner’s sexual orientation and use ‘outing’ as a tool of manipulation. Remember that a partner not respecting your boundaries and using (emotional) manipulation can be an indicator of psychological violence.

  • Misgendering

Similarly, a person purposefully misgendering their partner or referring to them as “it” is also categorized as psychological abuse. For instance, misgendering can also include not respecting their partner’s gender identification.

  • Past traumatic experiences

An alarming 9 out of 10 students identifying as LGBTQIA+ reported having been a victim of bullying at some point in their lives.
Unfortunately, many LGBTQIA+ people have already experienced traumatic events such as bullying or hate crimes, and are therefore less likely to seek help. For instance, only 26% of men in same-sex relationships called the police for assistance after experiencing near-lethal violence.
Though past traumatic events are arguably part of the reason, there are many more challenges that LGBTQIA+ people might have to face when trying to get help.

A man sitting on his bed in the dark, with a ray of rainbow colours illuminating him

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Barriers LGBTQIA+ people may face when seeking help

As a survivor of domestic violence, actively seeking help is hard enough. However, due to the still prevalent stigma around non-heteronormative identities,.members of the LGBTQIA+ community may face additional challenges. 

  • Potential homophobia

Unfortunately, the LGBTQIA+ community still faces stigmatization and discrimination. Seeking help is hard enough,.but LGBTQIA+ people might have to cope with the additional fear of experiencing homophobia.from counsellors,.volunteers, or the police.
If you are experiencing domestic violence and are afraid of potential homophobia you might face,.know that there are resources specific to the LGBTQIA+ community where you can get help. Scroll down to see a list of hotlines and websites. 

  • The stigma around the LGBTQIA+ community

As the LGBTQIA+ community is often excluded from discussions around domestic violence,.many might find it harder to reach out and seek help,.as they are often not represented. Though support websites and resources now also cater specifically to LGBTQIA+ people,.particularly in smaller towns the services available are often not too familiar with the unique elements of domestic violence in the LGBTQIA+ community.
This underrepresentation can make it even more difficult for LGBTQIA+ survivors to speak out. 

  • Barriers specific to trans people 

Similarly, this underrepresentation of the LGBTQIA+ community results in trans people in particular facing additional barriers.
Most shelters are sex-segregated and many used to accept only cisgender women. However, with both the awareness of domestic violence in the LGBTQIA+ community.and the awareness around trans identities increasing,.more shelters have been revising their entrance policy.
In fact, with the ‘Violence Against Women Act’s anti-discriminatory provisions in place,.trans people should not be asked invasive questions about their body.and be placed in the programs corresponding with how they identify their gender.

The transgender flag

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Where to get help if you are experiencing domestic violence 

Below you can find a list of resources, both within the United States and worldwide,.to help you if you are a domestic violence survivor. Those resources include free hotlines you can call, numbers to text,.and additional resources specific to the LGBTQIA+ community.
If you are experiencing domestic violence,.we encourage you to talk to someone and to get help. Know that you have nothing to be ashamed of and that you are not alone. 

Resources in the United States

Resources worldwide

With the COVID-19-related lockdowns resulting in many victims of domestic violence isolating with perpetrators,.making it harder to get help, here are two great resources to help you to talk to someone. 

  • In the United Kingdom

    • All Boots pharmacies across the U.K. now offer free and confidential consultation rooms.where you can contact specialist domestic abuse services for support and advice. Locate your nearest Boots here. 
    • If you need to call the 999 but you are unable to speak,.have a look at this guide detailing how to nonetheless reach the police. 
    • Samaritans
      • Provides support and help for suicidal thoughts.
      • Available 24/7 and free to call.
      • Call 116 123.
    • Childline 
      • For children and young people under 19, providing crisis and suicide prevention support.
      • Call 0800 1111 (the number will not show up on your phone bill).
    • National LGBTQIA+ Domestic Abuse Helpline
      • Available from 10am – 5pm on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, and 10am – 8pm on Wednesdays and Thursdays.
      • Offers trans specific service on Tuesdays from 1pm – 5pm.
      • Call 0800 999 5428.

  • The Rest of the World

Three signs saying 'Don't give up', 'You are not alone', and 'You matter'

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

You are not alone

If you are experiencing domestic violence,.remind yourself that that is nothing to be ashamed of.and that you are worthy of seeking help. 

We encourage you to talk to someone about what you are experiencing.by either calling any of the numbers listed above, talking to someone you know and trust, or by joining a support group. 

If you are not sure whether you are in an abusive relationship, read about how to recognize signs of abuse, and how to recognize an abuser. 

Remember, you are not alone. 

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/. 

Recognizing Toxic Behavior and How To Get Help

by | Sep 25, 2020 | Abuse, Empowerment, Family Life, Family Living

The idea of ‘toxic people’ has been getting a lot of attention on social media platforms as of late, and rightly so.
A recently published study established a direct link between the stress from unhealthy relationships and health. Following 10,000 people over 12 years, the researchers found that people in some form of toxic relationship were more likely to suffer from conditions such as heart disease later in life.  

With unhealthy relationships potentially having a detrimental effect on your health, it is important to know how to spot toxic behavior. Whether it be friends, family members, or even yourself – everyone can exhibit unhealthy behavior. 

As such, it is not only important to know how to spot it, but also what you can do about it. If you find some of the toxic traits described in this article in yourself, remember that awareness is the first step. Read more on how to deal with toxic people, how to differentiate between toxicity and abuse, and where to get help.

Two girls (friends) sitting on a wall against the backdrop of a lake and a mountain

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Examples of Toxic Behavior

The following traits are just a few examples of what toxic behavior can look like. 

However, keep in mind that there is a difference between one instance of toxic behavior, and repeated unhealthy negativity. For example, someone making you feel bad while you are fighting is different from someone who constantly brings you down. 

Remember that toxic traits do not necessarily make someone a ‘toxic person’. 

  • They constantly put you down
  • You cannot trust them
  • They always need to be the center of attention
  • They don’t accept you for who you are
  • You cannot be yourself around them
  • They are judgmental
  • They manipulate you and play others against you
  • When you are constantly giving more than you are getting
  • When you don’t like yourself when you’re with them
  • You cannot depend on them
  • They blackmail you emotionally
  • Your family setting unrealistic standards, i.e. you having to act as the parent
  • You don’t feel loved, supported, or respected

Whether someone is toxic often comes down to a gut feeling. For instance, your partner yelling at you because you accidentally broke their mug does not necessarily make them toxic. Though they could have reacted differently, they might have simply had a bad day.
However, if your partner yells at you daily and constantly makes you feel bad, this would arguably classify as toxic and unhealthy. But when is it abuse?

Photo of a sad girl

Photo by _Mxsh_ on Unsplash

Differentiating between abusive and toxic behavior

As abusive relationships can also be described as toxic, it can be hard to differentiate between what constitutes as toxic or abusive behavior.
Generally speaking, many understand toxic traits to be inherently part of a person’s character, whereas abuse is a conscious choice.
Contrary to toxicity, abuse is mainly about control. Whereas toxic behavior often comes down to someone losing control, abuse is generally about a person trying to take control. Remember that abuse doesn’t have to be physical – it can be verbal, emotional, or even economical. 

However, differentiating between toxic and abusive behavior is not always black and white. Often, it simply comes down to your gut feeling. 

Both toxic and abusive relationships can cause serious harm and trauma. Reach out for help if you need it. 

Where to get help

If you are in an abusive relationship – whether with your partner or a family member – remember that there are people and places that can help you. 

USA

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
  • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
  • National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888
  • Free Crisis Text Line: Text 741741
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Rape Abuse and Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673
  • LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564 

Worldwide

Safe Harbor International Ministries also offers support groups for women who have been in abusive relationships. 

If you feel like you need help or someone to talk to, remember that there is never any shame in it and that reaching out is a sign of immense strength. 

Three signs saying 'Don't give up', 'You are not alone', and 'You matter'

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

Toxic relationships: What you can do

When you think that you might have a toxic friend or family member in your life, it is important to take steps to take care of yourself. 

Setting boundaries in friendships can be important to maintain a healthy relationship and it is equally important for you to carve out some time for yourself. Practice detachment and put your interests first. 

However, one of the most important things you should do is to talk to someone about what you are experiencing. It might be a friend, your sibling, or a professional hotline worker, but if you are suffering from an unhealthy relationship, you need to open up to someone. 

Though it might not be easy at first, you might also consider cutting ties with that person, particularly if it is a ‘friend’. Only you can know when it might be time to leave a certain person behind. However, if they constantly put you down and make you feel bad about yourself, it is worth considering. 

Trust your gut and put yourself first. 

Written by Samira Rauner, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.