by Marquetta Smith | Aug 21, 2019 | Featured Post, Parenting, Teen issues
Youth exposure to pornographic material is increasing at an alarming rate. As the Courier Mail reported in 2016 [1], an alarming number of 11 and 12-year-old boys were calling into Australia’s public phone counseling service, asking for help about their possible addiction to pornography.
Though studies show that increased curiosity about sexuality and exposure to pornography are not necessarily correlated [2], exposure to pornography can cause a rift in families without prior communication of sexuality. More alarming than that, children who are not introduced to age-appropriate material on sex and sexuality can form a more negative relationship with sex, using porn as a dangerous sex educator. [3]
“Exposure to pornography helps to sustain young people’s adherence to sexist and unhealthy notions of sex and relationships. And, especially among boys and young men who are frequent consumers of pornography, including of more violent materials, consumption intensifies attitudes supportive of sexual coercion and increases their likelihood of perpetrating assault.” – Michael Flood [3]
Is Porn Dangerous?
Similar to other addictive substances and behaviors, porn releases dopamine. Without proper education, it is not unlikely for youth to look to pornography to satisfy their curiosity on taboo subjects. Though curiosity in children at any age is completely normal and nothing to be concerned about, unfortunately, exposure to intense material can lead to negative habit development. Young teens and even older children are just as subject to addictive behaviors as adults are.
Can Porn Teach About Sex?
Besides the dangers of addiction, exposure to porn as a child’s sole source of sexual education can lead to unrealistic expectations of sex, and even dangerous behavior in the future. Like any other carefully curated and marketed material on the internet, porn is a production. It’s made to look perfect, and as producers compete to out-do each other for the most views (and ultimately, the most money), a vulnerable viewer’s ideas of healthy sex can get warped over time. It is no replacement for real sexual education.
“…they tend to believe that what they see in porn is normal and acceptable, even as their tastes in porn grow more extreme over time.” [4]
“Research shows that porn users report less love and trust in their relationships, are more prone to separation and divorce, and often see marriage as a ‘constraint.’ Overall, they are less committed to their partners, less satisfied in their relationships and more cynical about love and relationships in general. They also have poorer communication with their partners and are more likely to agree that, in their own relationships, ‘little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticisms, name-calling, and bringing up past hurts.'” [5]
How Do I Know My Child’s Internet Habits Are Safe?
In spite of these concerns, it is completely possible to ensure your child or young teen has a healthy relationship with sex. It may not be possible to curate everything your child comes across on the internet, but being open with your children can lead to the development of healthier mindsets on a variety of topics. It can start with something as simple as opening a window of communication. Being willing to listen to your child’s questions and concerns without judgment is essential. Curiosity is normal and expected, however, making sure your child has access to age-appropriate forms of education can be the difference between a confusing, shame-filled relationship with sex, and a healthy one.
Article written by Brooke Smoke, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 21, 2019 | Parenting, Teens
The average teen will spend about 9 hours a day on a screen, whether that be a phone, computer, or tablet. That is as long as a full time job. According to Monitoring the Future, just two hours on social media has been shown to contribute to anxiety and unhappiness among young kids and teens.
Kids these days would rather be online and talk with their friends on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram then go outside. The kids in this focus group even said, “My parents have no idea what my life is like at night and what I do on social media.” This right here would make anyone parent or non-parent see that these teens are doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
Teens and Social Media
Social media can make your child/teen very unsociable when they are around other people, because they only know how to communicate online. Limiting the time they are online and having them go outside and play with other kids will help with social anxiety.
Parents have their own opinions on whether they should monitor their child’s social media. Some parents believe that children need their privacy, and that we should trust them and not worry about checking on what they are doing or whom they are talking to.
Giving your child privacy and trust is one thing, but there are young tweens and teens that are not fully aware of the dangers of predators that are using these platforms to get close to them. The statistics reveal that 71% of teens admit to hiding their online activities from their parents.
The Top Dangers with Social Media and Teens
- Teens these days will receive online propositions from adults, male and females, and be asked to send inappropriate photos or videos. Others will engage in sexting with other teens or adults.
- Sex Traffickers worldwide are using social media to contact vulnerable teens. Teens will post on their accounts that they hate their lives, that their parents are too strict and won’t let them do anything. When these predators see these posts, they will contact the teens, telling them that they can give them a better life, with a promise of fun and adventure and that they can do whatever they want.
- The internet is the #1 tool that a child predator will use, because they use these platforms to become your child’s friend. Make sure they are not putting any personal information on their page, such as their address, phone number and email. This kind of information can help these predators find kids even faster.
- Teens are more susceptible to what is called “Catfishing”. People will post a profile picture of someone else who looks very approachable and nice. This helps lure teens into conversations and eventually meeting in person.
Parents and kids should be aware of all the risks. Parental controls on your teen’s device can help you know what your teen is looking at and whom they are talking to, but there are other ways for these predators to communicate online, via Tweet, a direct message, Snapchat, in a chat room, etc.
Tips for Parents When Checking Your Child’s Social Media Platforms
- Parents don’t have to sneak around and violate your teen’s trust. You can tell them upfront that you want to see who they are talking to for their own protection. It’s not that you don’t trust them, but the person they are talking to could be dangerous.
- For the younger kids, only allow them on the family computer. Show them how to use the online tools, and don’t let them have their own personal device until you know they are mature enough to handle the responsibility, then only allow certain features on their devices at first.
- Make sure they are clear on the rules for the computer/tablets and phones that they are using in your home, and the consequences that go with breaking those rules.
- Don’t allow kids that are too young to be on social media. Kids need to be kids, play outside, and interact with peers their own age.
You don’t have to lie to your child, and being upfront with what you are doing will help your child trust you more.
Article written by Jessica Christian, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries
References:
https://phys.org/news/2018-10-link-social-media-sex-trafficking.html
https://www.hotspotshield.com/blog/human-trafficking-social-media/
https://childmind.org/article/how-using-social-media-affects-teenagers/
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 13, 2019 | Featured Post
Is Sexual Communication Important for Teens?
The teen pregnancy rate is rising each year.1 Prevention of dangerous sexual decisions and unwanted pregnancies is a serious task, but a parent’s influence is even more important to a teen than you may think.
According to a 2016 study by Magdalena Lorga, Ph.D. Lecturer at the University of Medicine and Pharmacy in Iasi, Romania, “Parental support is associated with good communication on sexuality. Parents providing more support to their children are more likely to use communication skills to shape the behavior of their children and especially engaging in risky sexual behavior.”2
Family communication is essential in the development of decision-making skills and a positive understanding of healthy sexual behavior. In this article, we will explore 4 tips to use to have the “Sex Talk” with teens.
Is Talking About Sex to My Kids Important?
Lack of communication about the difficult subject matter is a common cause of the disconnect between a parent and their teen. Poor or negative communication is a leading risk factor when it comes to teen pregnancy.3
Teens are emerging adults, and as such, are developing world views and opinions of their own. This doesn’t mean that your opinion is no longer important. Statistics show that teens actually believe that when it comes to sex, decision-making would be easier if they could have honest conversations about it with their parents.4
“Teens who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to put off having sex until they are older. They are also more likely to make healthy choices, like using condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), if they do choose to have sex.”4
When Should You Talk to Your Kids About Sex?
Though talking to your kids about sex is not an easy conversation, your communication can be the thing that guides them in staying healthy and making good choices. The good (but perhaps daunting) news is that it’s never too early to start. Many parents choose to start this conversation based on developmental progress. However, this can lead to some poorly timed conversations – coming across to the child as forced, awkward, and even confrontational. Start early and keep the conversation open.
The very normal sense of embarrassment on both sides can lead to a conversational barrier that keeps communication from happening. It is common for both sides to choose to stay silent on the topic, but starting the conversational at a pre-sexual stage can make for a better relationship between parent and child, leading to more informed behavior at a later stage.5
What Do I Say?
- Listen more than you speak…
Your child wants to know that you care about them on a mental and emotional level. Demonstrating this by listening to them can be a powerful tool. Listen carefully to their cares and woes. Support their free-thinking, even if you don’t agree with them. Keep up with their interests, and if not joining in on them, show that you understand and take an interest in what they like. Taking an active interest in your child’s life opens an avenue for plenty of conversation.
- Be ready to answer questions…
Different questions crop up at different stages of your child’s life. Be ready to answer their questions. Shutting their questions down due to their age may impede your ability to keep trusting communication alive.
- Understand context cues…
Conversations about sex don’t have to be inorganic or awkward. Sex is a subject that stays alive – whether it be through TV, the internet, or music. Perhaps a family member is pregnant and your child wants to know how this came about. Use these opportunities to start a conversation.
- Be honest and loving…
Adolescence is a time of change and insecurity. Kids at this age need privacy and time to process things independently. However, the more you allow for honest conversation, fun, and quality time, the better this stage will go.
Article written by Brooke Smoke, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries
References:
- https://www.chausa.org/publications/health-progress/article/november-december-1995/communication-strategies—teen-pregnancy-prevention-and-support
- https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/36ff/91540efec144e2cad09054c746fd85cdb922.pdf
- https://www.verywellfamily.com/teen-pregnancy-risk-factors-2611269
- https://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-sex
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5808426/
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 4, 2019 | Teen issues, Teens
An estimated 3.2 million students experience some kind of bullying each year. Approximately 160,000 teens will skip school everyday because they are being bullied. Most kids and teens will not tell their parents, teachers, friends, or siblings because they feel ashamed and afraid. Sadly to say, most parents do not see the signs, and when they do, it can be too late.
To avoid catching bullying too late, make sure you stay informed and updated on the latest types of bullying.
Types of Bullying
Verbal bullying: This type of bullying is all about saying and writing mean things, teasing, name calling and even threatening to cause harm to the other child.
Social bullying: This involves spreading rumors about someone to hurt their reputation or embarrassing them in public.
Physical bullying: This involves hitting, spitting, kicking, pushing, and pinching, taking things from the person, and even making rude gestures.
Cyber bullying: Social media is everywhere; many school age children have their own social media account, and so many kids are being threatened, humiliated, and harassed. Kids are using these social media platforms to bully others over emails, instant messaging, cell phones, and even posting rumors and pictures on social media for everyone to see. It includes even hacking someone’s site to post photos and spreading false information about that person.
Signs to Look For if You Suspect Your Child is Being Bullied
- Your child comes home with any kind of injuries that you know they did not have when they went to school. Kids get skinned knees and elbows all the time, but coming home with a black eye, bloody nose, or bruises on their body is a big sign.
- Items coming up missing, such as books, electronics, jewelry and clothing.
- Feeling sick a lot more, saying that they have a headache, or that their stomach hurts, so they don’t have to go to school.
- Difficulty sleeping or having frequent nightmares.
- Kids that are being bullied will have a decline in their grades, because they don’t want to go to school.
- Social avoidance. You might notice that your child’s friends are not coming around like they used to, or your child doesn’t want to go to another child’s birthday party.
- Changes in personality. Your child may have once been confident and outgoing, but now is now very shy and self-conscious. They may even become depressed and/or anxious.
- Self harm. This is one of the most important signs to look for. If your child starts to display a lack on interest in their life, and they start to take an interest in knives, guns, or any other kind of weapon, or starts talking about suicide, you need to address the situation right away.
- Decreased self esteem and feeling helpless.
- Emotional reactions. If you notice that your child flinches or cries when you raise your voice to them because maybe they weren’t listening, but they have never reacted like that before, it could be a sign that this is happening at school.
These are just the general warning signs of bullying, and every child is different, so pay close attention to how your child is behaving and reacting around certain things and settings.
Article written by Jessica Christian, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries
References:
https://www.stompoutbullying.org/get-help/parents-page/tip-sheet-signs-your-child-being-bullied
https://www.rd.com/advice/parenting/bullying-signs/
by Marquetta Smith | Jul 28, 2019 | Featured Post, support groups
There are times when life gets out of control. Sometimes it can be difficult just to get things back on track. Asking for help, however, can often feel just as overwhelming. How do you know when to reach out? How do you know what kind of help is right for you? These questions and many others come to mind, but with the right information, navigating the world of counseling doesn’t have to be a stressful experience.
What is Counseling?
The term “counselor” is often used to refer to both licensed and unlicensed therapy. Counselors, whether they have a degree (therapists, licensed social workers, certain types of psychologists) or not, offer guidance and support in the form of discussion. In contrast to some psychologists, who provide treatment primarily through medication and other forms of passive treatment, counselors are actively involved in your recovery plan. They engage through conversation, uncovering your strengths and weaknesses. Their goal is to utilize their training to encourage your personal, emotional growth ( https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/therapist-vs-psychologist-which-one-to-choose/).
What is Christian Counseling?
What’s different about spiritual counseling? Christian counseling, a popular form of spiritual counseling, provides a Biblical basis for growth. Christian counselors use this spiritual approach to navigate life’s challenges alongside the teachings of the Bible. For many, a renewal of their faith is just what they need to get through a bump in the road.
What Can Counseling Do For Me?
There’s more to counseling than talking. Counselors often offer techniques and new ways to cope with, or to further explore, your emotions. In a sense, counselors are often teachers, as they provide a new way of understanding a variety of problems. No matter what you’re struggling with, we could all use a hand.
Is Counseling Right For Me?
Counseling can treat a wide variety of serious issues. To name a few: depression, anxiety, eating disorders, loss, anger, domestic violence, insomnia, sexual issues, and chronic illnesses. It may seem obvious that people with these sort of disorders need a little extra help, but counseling is not just for these issues. Counseling can also help you with life decisions, career changes, and relationship issues. Though people may consider issues like these benign and think, “I can handle this on my own,” discussion can help resolve a multitude of problems.
Whether your issue seems to be severe or mild, there is no shame in asking for help. Counseling exists to empower, not to shame. Everyone needs to be empowered, no matter how extreme their issues are. If you’re struggling, remember you’re not alone. Growth is possible for every human being, and counseling can be a great way to start.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, are worried about a loved one, or are in need of immediate emotional support, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – call 1-800-273-8255. For a free consultation with a Certified Christian Counselor today click here
Article written by Brooke Smoke, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries
Resources:
Family Doctor
Human Services EDU
betterhelp.com
