My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. My mom made this decision based on what was best for my sister and me. This happened at the turn of the millennia. While divorce was less taboo at this time than it had ever been, we had a hard time escaping from other people’s judgments. She was told she was a bad mom by friends and family members. Our church asked us to leave the congregation after she reached out for support. My elementary school denied me entry to an advanced program because “kids from broken homes don’t do well in these programs.” 

These people didn’t understand something that I had grown to learn: there are all kinds of different types of families. My family never looked like most of my friend’s families. I even had friends who were part of families that looked different from mine! Just because a family doesn’t look like the “typical American family” doesn’t mean they are not valid.

What Does Family Look Like?

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What is a family? Merriam-Webster’s first definition of family is “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children.” This is probably what most people would think when they hear the word “family.” This image may include a mother and father, raising their children together under one roof. Each parent has an extended family. These people make up your grandparent, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Many people can relate to this image of a family. However, this image can be difficult to identify with if you come from a nontraditional family. 

What happens when someone comes from a single-parent household? How about people who don’t have blood relatives in their lives at all? Half of my family has been missing from my life for decades. Does this mean that we don’t have real families?

Absolutely not!  I reject the concept of coming from a “broken home,” because my home is not broken! My experience has taught me that family is a subjective term. To me, a family is a group of people that love and guide you through life. So, my family looks like this: 

• My mom, the head of the household. 
• Her parents, who gave a lot of monetary and emotional support. 
• My sister, who lived with me under my mom’s care.
• My mom’s sister, and her family. 

While this may not look like a traditional family, I consider myself lucky. Some people probably have fewer people that they consider family. Some people may have family that is not related to them by blood at all. These families also deserve to be acknowledged and supported. 

Different Types of Families

Traditional Family

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Sometimes called a “nuclear family,” this is a common family structure that has 2 parents and their children under the same roof. This used to be the most accepted type of family. According to David Brooks from The Atlantic, the traditional family thrived in the ’50s and ’60s. However, they have experienced a decline in the percentage of children living in this kind of arrangement every since. This could be due to many factors, such as:

• The changing attitude of women in the workforce
• More acceptance around subjects like divorce and adoption
• Declining birth rate 

In fact, in the 1960s, only 13% of families were single-parent families. In 2018, that number rose to 28%. When the new census is done this year, I wouldn’t be surprised to see this number climb even higher.

Single Parent Family 

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The single-parent family is the type of family that I grew up in. My mom was both the breadwinner and the comforter. This type of family is growing more and more common as the years go by. In 2019, roughly 15.76 million children were living with a single mother. 3.23 million were reported to live with a single father, according to Statstica. 

As someone who has lived this life, I can give a first-hand account of the good and the bad of this type of family. Because my mom was the only parent in my life, we are extremely close. I have referred to my mom as my best friend on several occasions. We have a deeper relationship than many of my friends who have both parents in their lives. I have a greater appreciation for my mom because I know how hard she had to work to make sure that my sister and I did not go without. 

However, I would be lying if I said that living in a single-parent household did not come with some hard times. Having only 1 provider made our financial situation rough. We did not have family dinners often because my mom had to work several jobs. Something that sticks out is the tradition of the “daddy-daughter dance.” My friend’s participated in the event every year. I never got to attend. All of this being said, being in a single-parent household was the best option for our family. While things were difficult a lot of times, I would not change my experience.

Blended Family 

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A blended family is a family that combines different bloodlines under the same roof. This is usually in the form of step-parents and step-children/siblings. According to the last census, blended families continue to rise in numbers across America. Jane Chertoff of Healthline cites that 1,300 new stepfamilies form every day.

Like single-parent families, there are pros and cons to living in a blended family. It can be difficult to integrate new family members, especially new authority figures. Children can have a hard time accepting that they have a “new mom or dad” when they still have a relationship with their biological parent. Moving people with different personalities into one house also comes with its own struggles. 

However, there are many benefits to having a blended family. Merging two families means incorporating new and exciting family traditions. More people in a family may lead to a larger support system. Learning how to merge families and get along with new people is an important life skill that those in blended families can learn and bring into their adult lives. Being patient and empathetic are the best ways to help merge families positively and constructively. 

Community Family 

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This type of family is probably one of the least recognized types of families, but maybe the most important. A community family is a family that is not made up of blood relatives. This type of family can be made up of friends, mentors, and people who have filled the role of a family member without being related.

There are several reasons why someone may not have blood relatives. Some people come from toxic family units and choose to separate themselves. Others cannot be with their relatives due to distance. People who grow up in foster care may have never gotten to form a familial bond with any of their caregivers. 

There are many obvious cons to this type of family. I would imagine that someone who does not have ties to their biological family has probably undergone some kind of trauma. Being unable to form relationships with caregivers early on can lead to psychological problems. However, one of the main pros of this type of family is the fact that you get to choose who your family is. You can surround yourself with likeminded people who love you not because they have to, but because they want to. I have a family here at Safe Harbor International Ministries. They are not related to me, but they care about me, support me, and guide me through this season of my life. 

Conclusion

The typical American family is everchanging. While the traditional family type with 2 parents and children is common, there are other types of families that continue to grow. Single-parent families make up a large chunk of families in the United States today. Blended families continue to grow, and people make their own families out of their communities. None of these families are the “right way” to have a family, and they are all valid. 

I have carried the burdens of living in a nontraditional family since I was 6 years old. I have experienced discrimination because of it. Things were not as easy as they were for my friends that lived in a traditional family. However, the thing that I’ve learned is that there is no such thing as a “broken family.” A family is a group of people that love you. They want the best for you and will give you the support you need to live and happy and healthy life. 

When we experienced discrimination due to being a nontraditional family, my mom was told that our home was broken. At 6 years old, I heard my mom say the most influential words that I have ever heard. She said that “our family may be broken to you, but we are fixed now.” Being a family means making difficult decisions for those that you love and care for. I will forever be grateful for the family that I grew up in because they have made me who I am today. 

Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit www.safeharborim.com/articles/