Death is inevitable. As adults and as children, we all process death differently. While you always want to be open and loving with your children and family, you also need to be real with them about the complexities of death.

Any loss, whether tragic or natural, is difficult for family. When discussing death, remember to acknowledge the legitimacy of your family members’ feelings of grief while encouraging an eventual return to normal life. As long as you are direct with family in conversations on what their emotions mean, you can help you and your children grieve in a healthy way.

Discussing Death with Children

When talking about death to your younger family members, use simple words and concepts:

• Listen and comfort
• Put emotions into words
• Tell your child what to expect
• Talk about funerals and rituals
• Give your child a role
• Explain burial/cremation and what happens to the person’s soul after death

(Taken from www.kidshealth.org)

When talking to children about death or a tragic loss, use words that your children will understand, and avoid complex vocabulary or confusing abstract ideas. Doing so will allow your kids to grasp the concept of death and tragedy more fully.

With death being a difficult topic to comprehend, your family and children will have many questions which will require plenty of explanation on your part. Inviting your kids to express their emotions and having the patience to listen to and comfort your kids is crucial.

Grief over a family member or loved one’s death causes a multitude of emotions. When your children ask how you are feeling, try your best to articulate your feelings into words (www.kidshealth.org). Doing so shows your children the importance and normality of such emotions, like feeling empty or confused over a painful loss. Be sure to explain that what your kids are feeling is perfectly acceptable.

Managing Your Children’s Expectations

When a loss occurs, let your children know what to expect and how their lives will change. While you can express hope for a return to normality, remind them that in the immediate aftermath of a death, feeling sad and disconnected is alright. Your kids have experienced a great loss and they must learn to deal with the severity of that event. To ensure that your family has accurate expectations, advise them of the following:

1. There will be a funeral/memorial service to remember the individual who has passed away.
2. Explain to them at the service that the body may or may not be there. Explain the difference between burial and cremation.
3. Advise them on appropriate behavior at the reception following the funeral.
4. Inform them that at the reception, family members and friends will talk about the loved one and often share memories with your children and yourself.

As any loss is never easy, and losing a loved one often causes great pain, a solid support system is imperative for the well-being of yourself and your family. When pain and suffering overwhelms you or your children, remember that love and patience goes a long way to alleviate those feelings. Never be afraid to express your emotions and to empathize with those of your family members and other close individuals.

Article written by Diana Ashworth, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries