On September 1, the Odessa Police Department in West Texas identified Seth Ator, age 36, as the man who killed seven people and wounded 22 others in a shooting spree. The shooting occurred on August 31, 2019 and caused 15 crime scenes. [1]
Nowadays, there seems to be a rise in the number of shooting incidents reported in the media. This can concern many families, causing serious anxiety in both children and adults. Here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate conversations about shootings with your family.
Reassure
One of the most important gifts you can give your family in light of tragedy is the reassurance of your presence and of the presence of other people who care. Because reported shootings have occurred in schools, children may feel that they are at risk. Parents may also doubt that their children are truly safe.
Reassuring your kids (and yourself) of safety measures that are already in place is a great way to calm those fears. For example, your children’s school may keep certain doors locked, require sign-ins, or use security cameras. Remember that school shootings are rare, and that the vast majority of schools are safe.
The most recent study by the National Center for Education Statistics reports that crime in the nation’s schools and college campuses has declined overall during the past two decades, and that safety measures have increased. [2] If your children still feel unsafe, review their school’s safety measures with them and find some key adults at the school that your children can talk with about their fears.
Discuss According to Age
Being honest and emphasizing safety is important in these types of conversations. However, the level at which you can discuss these issues may vary according to age. Remember to keep your discussions age appropriate.
Elementary Age: Children in elementary school can ask a lot of questions. Due to the serious nature of the issue, parents may want to limit how much they share. Remember that young kids may not be ready to hear about the entire scope of the problem. Brief, easy-to-understand wording can be enough. Throughout your conversations, be sure to reassure your kids of their safety and be sensitive to their emotional state.
Middle schoolers: Middle schoolers may have varying ideas of the issue. Start off by asking them what they know and think about the problem of shootings and violence. Ask them how they feel and take time to listen. Children at this age may want more information on whether they are safe at their schools. This can be an opportunity to educate and discuss their school’s safety protocols with them.
High schoolers and young adults: Teenagers and adults will have the capacity to discuss this issue on a deeper level, but their emotional needs remain the same. Communicating openly about both your and your children’s safety concerns and mental health issues are great ways to reassure them. Bring up safety guidelines for students in high school or college and remind them of their own abilities to respond. Because older children can be more mature, they can play an active part in the solution through prevention. Encourage them to discuss these things and their ideas with a listening ear.
Let Them Help
Some children, as well as adults, are better able to cope with a tragedy if they can play a part in giving back. Because of this, consider ways your family can help a community affected by a shooting, perhaps through fundraisers, events, or heartfelt gifts and prayers. Remind your children that they have the ability to take action. By reporting their concerns, paying attention to school guidelines and rules, and creating your own family safety plans, they can be involved in the pursuit of safety.
Monitor Emotional State
When news such as the Odessa shooting comes up, both kids and adults normally feel fearful, sad, and even angry. Be sure to notice this and be willing to lend a listening ear to both the children and adults in your family.
Treat your children’s questions seriously and to validate them in their emotions. Again, reassurance can go a long way for their emotions and well-being. If your child is concerned about returning to school, remind them that these incidents are not the norm.
Lastly, do not be afraid to share your own feelings about shootings. Your children are not the only ones who can be shaken up by these tragedies. Your vulnerability will make a huge difference in reminding them that they are not alone in their worries.
Article written by Brooke Smoke, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries.
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