Introduction

No matter who you are, there’s definitely a point in your life when you’ve had trouble speaking up. It’s not always easy for anyone to say what they mean at all times. For trauma survivors- abuse, in specific- speaking up for yourself can be even more of a challenge. Physical or emotional abuse has lasting impacts on your self-esteem, which is a critical component when finding your voice. Learning to speak up for yourself is extremely important to living your truest, boldest, and happiest life. 

Why it can be hard to speak up

Some people have shy personality types. Being shy is common, and doesn’t pose any issues unless you feel it inhibits your ability to speak up for yourself. If you feel like your needs, or voice, isn’t being heard because you’re timid, it might be time to push yourself out of your comfort zone. 

Besides shyness, abuse of any kind is another factor that can make it hard for someone to speak up for themselves. Consistent abuse, either physical or emotional, can make the victim feel worthless. Survivors of abuse are often led to believe that they did something to deserve the abuse, which makes them have very low self-esteem, or self-value. Victims of abuse usually spent the abuse period feeling powerless, since any attempts to stop their abuse were most likely unsuccessful. Even after the abuse ends, the effects of it linger. 

Growing up in an unsafe environment makes it hard for you to speak up, even if your environment has changed. Never being given the opportunity to use your voice, or being met with abuse when you’ve tried, is definitely going to silence you. Recovering from abuse is multi-faceted, and finding your voice is one part of it. Luckily, it’s possible, and Safe Harbor IM is here to encourage you along your journey of recovery.

Photo by Maria Krisanovaon Unsplash

How to speak up for yourself

Learning to speak up for yourself won’t just happen overnight. There are very little people who are always able to say exactly what they mean with confidence, every single time. It’s a practice, and you have to take it one day at a time. Here are some steps to take to speak up for yourself better:

• Identify what it is you want to say. It could be just what you feel you need to say in any given conversation, or maybe there is an area of your life (a friendship, a relative, or a boss/teacher relationship) where you feel your voice is silenced. You need to have a clear understanding of what your truth is, so that you are able to communicate it effectively. Speaking honestly allows you to feel fully heard.

• Take into account the situation you need to speak up in. Different situations would require different things for you to be able to speak up. Usually, the individual you are talking to is the most important thing to identify. Speaking to a close friend who communicates similarly to you is going to require different communication skills than speaking to a bully, or someone with a personality disorder. 

• Make comfortable boundaries for yourself. Setting personal boundaries is very important in feeling like you are living in alignment with yourself. Boundaries can help you when you are trying to speak up for yourself. Knowing what you are comfortable doing, and sticking to it, is the key to being able to say “no,” to something. 

• Pay attention to your emotions. Take note of the conversations, or situations, that make you feel voiceless. Examine who you were talking to you, what you were talking about, and how they were talking to you. Noticing all these things can help you recognize the next time you’re in a conversation and feel yourself start to retreat into your shell. When you know why you’re shutting down, it can help you be brave and push through to use your voice.

• Treat yourself with kindness. Being gentle with yourself through this whole process is necessary for success. There will always be days, or certain times, when you feel like your voice wasn’t heard, or you weren’t able to say something you meant. Acknowledge that, tell yourself it’s okay, and try again from there on out. 

Conclusion

In the wise words of John Mayer, “even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken…do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say.” 

Effective communication makes people feel seen, heard, and loved. These three things are very important components of living a happy, whole-hearted life. It’s our mission to have every member of the Safe Harbor International Ministries community live whole-heartedly. Speaking up for yourself is critical for effective communication. For more tips, check out our recent blog post on communication, here. 

Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, check out our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/