Abusive relationships can often get out of hand before you even comprehend what’s happening. While knowing the outcome of any unhealthy relationship is impossible, checking for key signs can help you identify dangerous situations before they become unmanageable. Though abuse happens in a variety of ways, this article will focus on identifying psychological abuse and recognizing related behaviors to avoid especially risky situations.
Identifying Psychological Abuse
Abusers are often display extremely manipulative, charismatic behavior. Feeling confusion or a sense of “stepping on eggshells” constantly can be a sign of psychological abuse. [1] Also known as emotional or mental abuse, psychological abuse is one way for an abuser to take complete control of another person. Abusers will often warp the victim’s sense of reality, their emotions, and their understanding of what is right and wrong. Using guilt tactics and lowering the victim’s self-esteem, the abuser will impose their control until the other person begins to feel responsible for the abuse.
Signs You May be Dealing With Psychological Abuse
- Constant use of embarrassment
- Insulting
- Criticizing
- Using the “silent treatment”
- Cheating
- Guilt tactics
- Jealousy
- Controlling/overly dominate behavior
- Saying “I love you, but…” [1]
- Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.” [1]
- Placing blame for everything
- Isolating you from friends and family (until you only spend time with them)
- Financial control
- Threats
(http://www.stopvaw.org/lethal_and_extremely_dangerous_behavior)
Knowing that violence can escalate over time is important for those in abusive relationships. Though these circumstances are not necessary for a relationship to become unstable, there are several factors that can be consistently linked to harmful behavior. [2]
Key Dangerous Behaviors to Observe
- Threats:
In many cases where women were killed in abusive relationships, there was an occasion of threat. If you notice threats of murder or suicide, take them seriously. Remember, the more specific the threat, the more seriously it should be viewed. [3] - Use of weapons:
If you are concerned that your partner may be lethal or dangerous, note whether they have access to weapons. Threats of using such weapons, along with an escalation of violence, should be taken especially seriously. - Manipulative behavior:
Lethal and dangerous behavior can almost be unequivocally linked with prior psychological abuse. - Substance abuse:
Use of drugs and alcohol can be linked to an escalation of violence. Remember that substance abuse does not cause domestic violence, but it can heighten violent behavior. It only highlights the behavior in a person. - Depression or mental illness:
Mental illness can often be linked to lethal behaviors, noteworthy if your significant other displays a predisposition for depression or other mental illness. - Escalation of violence:
Studies link escalation of violent behaviors with increasing danger. These behaviors can quickly get out of hand and become deadly. [3] - End of the relationship:
US statistics show that women who leave violent abusers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by their abusers than those who stay. [3] This means that a battered woman must make her own decisions on whether or when to leave an abusive relationship. She knows her situation and safety best. - Choking or strangling:
Instances of choking or strangling are both indicators of severe danger.
Although these signs can be useful to identify abusive relationships, remember that only the battered woman can decide for herself what actions to take for her own safety. If you are concerned for a loved one, understand that a listening ear and a watchful eye can go a long way. Offering education and resources is another way to be helpful.
Here is a video of a real life survivor as she tells her story of how she got out of an abusive relationship:
Resources & support for anyone affected by DV &/or relationship abuse:
Call/Chat 24/7/365 | 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) | Español Chat 12-6PM CT
Written by Brooke Smoke, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
References:
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