Remember this childhood rhyme: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Some of us used to say this little one-liner of a rhyme when growing up to prove to the bully that their words had no power, and those negative words that were thrown at us can never hurt us. Wow, how wrong! This article will help you understand how words can hurt and also give you simple steps on how to overcome emotional abuse.

How many times have you heard the words “you are stupid,” “you are so dumb,” “you can’t do anything right,” “you are a waste of space,” or better yet, how many times have we told our children these same words? These very hurtful words become engrained in their hearts and spirits, and eventually our children will believe these daunting words and soon start living out these words.

Did you know that emotional abuse can be one of the most deadliest forms of abuse? However, societies around the world have made us believe that physical abuse is the most harmful of all of the types of abuses a person can suffer from. They have also implied that physical abuse is the only type of abuse that can cause victims their lives. Well, I say that they are wrong!

Emotional/verbal abuse within itself can be the silent killer of all of the forms of abuse. Why? It is so subtle, and the effects are not easily seen at first, but over time, the effects can be deadly because the negative words spoken to someone are being engrained into their heart and spirit, which is the silent killer.

When victims of verbal abuse are subjected to this type of abuse, the individual silently submits to the voices of rejection, doubt, fear, intimidation and so on.

These words that are spoken over and over again to the victim can eventually become a part of their core beliefs. To simply put it: Whatever a person believes, they become, and begin to live out. They become the very negative words that were once spoken over them.

If these negative words are believed by the victim, they can, in turn, pass this same thought process and negativity on to their children, especially if the children are subject to this type of abuse as well, thus repeating the cycle of verbal abuse to the next generation.

Try this simple, yet effective exercise if you have been a victim of emotional abuse: start out by speaking positive words over your life and your children’s life 3 times a day for one whole month. While doing this, you must fight the urge to speak any negative over your life. Here are some words you can speak to help you get started:

• I am smart and intelligent
• I am beautiful
• My life has meaning
• I have a purpose in life
• I am wanted
• I am loved

Feel free to continue adding only positive phrases to this list, and watch how your life will be transformed right before your very eyes. You will soon believe what you say, and you will become the words that you speak over yourself. In the end, this will become a habit of speaking positive things. The key here is to be consistent…don’t stop!

Also, an individual who has been subject to this type of emotional abuse is strongly encouraged to seek counseling along with their children. Counseling will assist the individual to develop a more positive self-worth and combat the effects of this type of abuse.

By Marquetta Smith, MSSW, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries