by Marquetta Smith | Jul 20, 2019 | Featured Post, Healthy Lifestyles
Why Prioritizing Nutrition and Healthy Eating for Trauma Survivors is Important
A mix of prioritizing nutrition and exercise can aid in the healing process for trauma survivors dealing with PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder.
In this article, we will discover the 3 benefits of prioritizing nutrition for trauma survivors. It is a fact that 1 in 4 trauma survivors living with PTSD binge eat, which leads to weight gain and depression, which is why eating healthy foods needs to be a priority.
I have been on the healthy eating train for a lot longer than I’ve had a regular exercise routine. I was so invested in nutrition that I lost thirty pounds without making exercise a priority. I worked at a Seventh Day Adventist health food store that promoted healthier eating habits, and this helped me to stay on track. I had just left an abusive relationship that I was in for over six years, and needed something positive to focus on. Focusing on my health would not only aid in my healing process, but also lead to a healthier mind and body.
Implementing good nutrition in your lifestyle can have many benefits, including reduced inflammation, reduced mood swings, and increased energy levels.
Everyone has heard this line before: “You are what you eat,” and this is completely true. Make sure you are putting nutritious foods in your body that will fuel you and not cause more feelings of sluggishness and depression.
It all starts with changing your habits, like implementing food swaps and slowly switching some of the non-nutritious foods and drinks out of your diet for healthier options. You can start by doing something as simple as drinking water, tea, and coffee, and cut out sodas, which are high in sugar and low in nutritional value. This seems too simple to even make a difference, but this is a small step to a better you.
Look at this process as a marathon, not a race! If you make too many changes in your diet in a short amount of time, it will become harder to keep following these changes, and you will end up failing and reverting back to your old habits. Also, make sure you are not hard on yourself when you do have that piece of cake every once in a while. Remember, prioritizing nutrition and eating healthier is a lifestyle change, and something you can alter and adapt depending on special occasions that come along in your life.
The Benefits of Making Nutrition a Priority
After experiencing any form of trauma, it’s important to find an outlet and a way to help release negative energy and tension. When you start making nutrition a priority and purchase healthier foods, you are more likely to cook your meals. Cooking healthy meals can become a positive outlet and serve as a form of relaxation. It can become a hobby, and in the same instance, help you save money. Healthy, whole foods are cheaper to purchase than fast food and precooked microwave meals.
One way to make sure you are successful at continuously eating healthy throughout the week is to meal prep. You can pick one day each week to cook all your meals (I meal prep my lunches since I’m at work during the afternoon) and have them ready in your fridge to grab and go! Cooking and prepping your meals can save you time, money, and your diet because you’re less likely to fall off track.
Join a Fitness Group to Help You in the Process of Becoming a Better You
Having been in the fitness/nutrition community for years now, I am proof that being part of a group of like-minded individuals can change your outlook in life. It can help you to focus less on trauma and past experiences, and focus instead on positive hobbies and passions.
As mentioned earlier, if you start cooking, it can become not only a form of therapy, it can also become a true hobby and passion. You can start taking cooking classes or join cooking forums to meet other people with the same passion. This will help get your mind off negative emotions and make you feel like you are a part of something positive. Everyone needs a purpose and fuel in their tank to keep moving forward in life. Finding a group of people you can share this purpose with can help transform you into the person you once were before trauma.
Take it Slow but Steady
It’s best to start slowly but anyone can start to implement new, healthy eating habits to see an improvement in overall well-being. Trauma survivors need to be proactive in making small, incremental changes in their nutrition that fit their personal lifestyles to reap these benefits. In this blog, I mentioned some of the ways nutrition can change lives and help survivors overcome symptoms of trauma. Improving your overall mental health can be achieved by eating a healthier diet, following a regular exercise program and never forgetting to do things that make you happy!
Lavette Warren, Non-Profit Management Intern. For more blog posts from me visit: www.solelysade.com
Article Edited by Marquetta Smith, MSSW, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
References:
Brody, Barbara (n.d.). The Link Between Trauma and Binge Eating. Retrieved on July 14, 2019 from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder/features/ptsd-binge-eating#1
by Marquetta Smith | Jul 20, 2019 | Abuse, Family Life, Spiritual Abuse
“Whom the Son has set free is free indeed.”
Years ago, I worked as a bereavement counselor for a hospice hospital. While working there, I came in contact with many families who had gone through tremendous grief and hurt because they lost a loved one. During that time, I learned a great deal about grief and loss. I would counsel families after they had lost a loved one through some type of sickness or disease.
The most important advice that I could give families while they were in their most vulnerable state was to “allow themselves time to grieve, and get plenty of rest.” I walked many families through the process of grieving. Years later, families would reach out to me through cards or letters and thank me for that one important piece of advice, because they truly did not know how to begin the steps to recovery after they had lost a loved one.
People who have gone through abuse of any form can benefit from the same advice that is given to so many families who have lost loved ones. Individuals who have suffered from abuse must go through a grieving process as well. After all, they lost a lot through their ordeal of abuse. Some have lost their looks through being disfigured from physical abuse. Some have lost finances, jobs, friends, their church home, children and family members because of the abuse. For others, the emotional scars have taken a toll on their mind and body.
After my mom went through 43 years of being in an abusive marriage, her healing process was very long. It took years after the abuse for my mom to realize just how deep her scars of abuse went. It was only through the process of grief and healing from the past abuse that she soon began to show signs of recovery.
How quickly someone recovers from abuse sometimes can depend on many factors, such as how long a person has gone through abuse, and/or how traumatic the abuse was. But the thing to remember here is that there is no set time that is stamped on a person’s recovery time.
Within the next week, I am going to post another article (part 2) on the steps to healing from abuse. There will be simple assignments and questions to ask yourself if you are coming out of an abusive relationship, or have been a victim of spiritual abuse.
I am purposely spreading out the stages to allow individuals time to grasp the steps. These steps can hopefully be used whether someone is dealing with spiritual abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and/or emotional abuse.
Steps to Begin the Healing Process From Abuse
- Move away from the source of the abuse: It is very difficult to begin the healing process if you are still being abused.
- Physical abuse: If the abuse is still going on, the individual who is being abused may become very angry and begin retaliating. In turn, this can cause the abuser to attempt to regain his/her control through becoming more violent. It can become very dangerous for someone who is already being physically or sexually abused. For individuals who are being physically or sexually abused, or feel threatened in any way and are trying to leave, please contact your local domestic violence hotline, or you can call the U.S. Abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224(TTY). They have trained counselors who can walk you through a safety plan to leave the abuser. It is very important to have a plan of action before you take action!
- Individuals who are dealing with spiritual abuse: It is also important for individuals to leave the place where the spiritual abuse is taking place. Staying will only create more bitterness, anger, and resentment within the individual who is dealing with this type of abuse. Individuals who stay longer will even start to resent God. At this point, some people may feel the need to write a letter to or request a face to face meeting with their spiritual leader or leaders explaining and outlining all of the leader’s faults and how they have abused them. “This may not be a good idea, especially when you are trying to leave the abusive situation. Your emotions are very raw during this time, and you may say or do something that you will regret later on. It is not the time to confront the abuser when you are trying to leave any abusive situation. It only makes matters worse.”
- Rest:
- After individuals have gotten away from their abuser, taking the time to rest is very critical at this stage of the healing process.
This is the time for the individual to allow themselves time to process what has happened to them. Also maintaining a balanced nutritious diet and exercise can be extremely important during this time.
- During this time of allowing themselves to rest, the individual may start going through some of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Not everyone goes through all of them, or in a prescribed order. Also, keep in mind that a person can go through these stages many times. I will only talk about two out of the five stages of grief in this post.
- One of the first stages of grief a person may experience is denial. Denial helps us to survive the trauma or loss. In this stage, life makes no sense. Individuals are in a state of shock and denial. They go numb. They wonder how they can go on, if they can go on, or if they should go on. They try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help individuals to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps pace individuals feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as they can handle. A family who I was counseling in hospice described shock as “God’s gentle way of protecting us from absorbing or taking in all at once everything that has happened to them.” As an individual accepts the reality of the abuse and starts to ask themselves questions, they are unknowingly beginning the healing process. They are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as they proceed, all the feelings they were denying will begin to surface. (grief.com)
- Anger: Get angry! It’s okay to be angry about what has happened to them and the abuser. The more the individual allows themselves to feel, the better they will feel and it will truly aid in the healing process. Many Christians have a hard time with this stage of grief, because they may express anger towards God, and if they feel angry towards God, they may think that they are sinning. Guess what? God is a big God and He can handle all of our emotions. It’s okay to feel emotions and anger is one of them. Let it out! Individuals may also be angry at themselves for being abused. When talking with a person who has been abused, always remember that the abuse was not the individual’s fault. They did not ask to be abused. Don’t make them feel guilty about the abuse.
Going through the healing process after being abused can be painful, very lonely, and hard. I would strongly suggest that if a person has gone through any form of abuse to seek professional counseling or join a support group in their area.
For more information on the stages of grief and loss, you can visit grief.com.
Assignments:
- Individuals who are reading this article; you are challenged to share this article with someone who is in or who has gone through any of the abusive relationships mentioned above. It is time to show them that you care.
- For individuals who are still in an abusive relationship, reach out to someone who you can talk to for help and make the call to the abuse hotline for further guidance on taking steps to leave the abusive relationship.
- For individuals who have left abusive relationships, you are encouraged to seek counseling or join a support group. Talking with a trained professional or joining a support group will aid in your healing process. It is time for you to live again!
Be sure to sign up for our latest newsletter and get our latest freebie.
Article by Marquetta Smith, MSSW, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
by Marquetta Smith | Jul 18, 2019 | Featured Post, support groups
All of us go through things in life. No one ever said life was going to be a walk in the park, or that life was going to be easy. However, when we are struggling through life, we must know that it is okay to reach out for help when needed. It is imperative that we know when to get counseling.
In the times that we live in now, people feel that asking for help is unheard of. It is okay to tell someone how you feel and get the type of assistance you need. In our society, we are taught to conceal our emotions. The concealment of emotions and feelings can cause more damage than good. In reality, we should know the appropriate resources in case we do need the help and assistance. We should know and share resources with each other.
Is Counseling Right For You?
There are certain signs you can look for when determining if counseling is the right avenue for you. The website Psychology Today has listed some signs that you can look for when you are deciding if counseling is the right path for you (www.psychologytoday.com).
Some of these signs are:
- Feeling sad, angry, or otherwise not yourself.
- Abusing drugs, alcohol, food, or sex to cope. You have begun to use alcohol and prescription meds excessively. You may have started using drugs, food, and/or excessive sex as a form of coping.
- You have lost something/someone important to you. Grief is longer and difficult for others, and it can affect others in many different ways. There can be changes mentally and physically. Sometimes there are multiple losses at once, in a short period of time. Everyone is going to react differently to grief, and you have to know when you need counseling to get you through. The first step to identifying your issues is admitting you have an issue in the first place.
- Something traumatic has happened. The earlier you talk to a professional, the faster you can learn healthy ways to cope.
- You can’t do the things you like to do. When you are having trouble dealing with your problems, and you cannot enjoy the things that once brought you happiness, that is when you know you have an issue and something needs to be modified. That is when you need to call a professional, and see why you can’t do the things that you enjoy.
- You are experiencing physical symptoms. You have unexplained headaches, stomach aches, or a rundown immune system.
When looking at all of the signs, if you are seeing that you have more of the signs than you even realize, you see that you need a professional. You will see that the issues that you have are not going to go away on their own. It is okay to ask for help.
The Next Steps
Once you realize the symptoms, and you finally see you cannot do this on your own, you will get more from the professional help. There will be work along the way, and you will really have to look inside yourself for strength, but you can make it.
The work is not always easy, but you have to look at the end result. You will be a better, stronger person. You will be able to face more because of what you have been through. When you ask for help, you are not weak, you are helping yourself, and your future self.
Do not ever feel that you are strange or weird for going to a professional. You are just doing what you need to do. Always put yourself and your mental and physical health first.
Article by Diana Ashworth
Edited by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor IM
by Marquetta Smith | Jul 10, 2019 | Abuse, Stories of Hope, support groups
A support group can be a refuge and a wonderful support and influence for women. Women are sometimes scared to make the first step, and it can be a scary thing. If you take your time and look properly, you will find a group that is suitable for you, and one that fits your needs. Support groups and women can go hand in hand to help women get the strength to live and overcome obstacles. Support groups have women from all walks of life and social backgrounds coming together for a common cause. These groups can be the hem that puts the string back together that life tore apart.
A lot of times, we think we are struggling alone, but support groups help us see that there are others who may be dealing with similar situations who, in turn, help us be better (www.mentalhealthamerica.net). A lot of women think that no one understands what they are going through, and that no one can relate to their situation. That is the furthest thing from the truth. There are hundreds of thousands of women in the world, and we are all going to go through something in our lifetime.
It is such a wonderful thing when women feel others can relate to their situation and identify with them more. A lot of times, this will help women have their breakthroughs and deal with obstacles that have been plaguing them. When women have their breakthrough, and they feel that someone understands them, then they are more susceptible to be inspired and inspire others. They are no longer afraid to share their story anymore, because they know now that there are women that identify with their situation. They now know when they share, people can use what they are sharing, and apply it to their own lives.
There are certain factors and things that you should consider when joining and looking for a support group. Each support group is different, and everyone perceives things differently. Always remember to give yourself time to adapt to the group, and understand the group’s mission. You always want a group that you can identify with and that meets your emotional and mental needs. The Mayo Clinic describes some of them below:
- When you join a new support group, you may be nervous about sharing personal issues with people you don’t know. At first, you may benefit from simply listening. Over time, however, contributing your own ideas and experiences may help you get more out of a support group.
- Try a support group for a few weeks. If it doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, consider a different support group or a different support group format.
- Remember that a support group isn’t a substitute for regular medical care. Let your doctor know that you’re participating in a support group. If you don’t think a support group is appropriate for you, but you need help coping with your condition or situation, talk to your doctor about counseling or other types of therapy (www.mayoclinic.org).
When you are in a support group, there are ways to get the most out of support groups and really use them to influence your life and the things that you are going through. Did you know that you can influence someone’s life with your presence, actions, and the words that you say? If we can help someone in the same situation work and improve themselves, then that should be our goal. We can even help ourselves in the process.
Also, seeing people going through the same issues and situations gives us motivation that we can make it through ourselves. They fought and did it, so why can’t I? This is a huge inspiration and motivational aspect for women rebuilding their lives.
Again, when you join a new support group, you may be nervous about sharing personal issues with people you don’t know. Over time, however, contributing your own ideas and experiences may help you get more out of a support group. It is not always easy to bare your soul and love yourself in the same process. It is hard to share everything, and especially worrying about the thoughts and judgements of others. Please give yourself time to adjust and find one that can be a healthy addition for yourself and your emotions.
There are various ways to find support groups in your area. The most common way is Google support groups, and then Google will use your area to pull up local groups. You can also check the Local Mental Health America Affiliate, and that group/website will show you support groups also.
If there is an emergency, and you need to talk to someone immediately, you can always call 1-800-273-TALK, or text MHA to 741741 (www.mentalhealthamerica.net). There are always options if you need to talk to someone immediately. These cases do not always happen, but they do come up in certain circumstances. Always know there is a listening and caring ear out there for you, should you ever need it.
Safe Harbor International Ministries also has a Facebook support group for survivors of domestic violence called Angels in Recovery. This group is for individuals recovering from domestic violence, family violence, and abusive relationships. You are not alone in your recovery process. Please feel free to join our group from anywhere in the world. It is safe and confidential, and a place where you will not be judged, but loved. To join our group, please go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/anglesinrecovery.
By Diana Ashworth
Edited by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor IM
by Marquetta Smith | Jul 2, 2019 | Abuse, Spiritual Abuse
A month ago, I gave several steps in an article that I wrote called “A Time of Healing” that victims of abuse can take in order to begin the process of healing from being abused. For those of you who are coming out of an abusive situation, I want to continue sharing thoughts and steps of how to continue the healing process. 
Abusers guilt: Stop carrying the abuse guilt around. Let the guilt go. Many times, people who have abused individuals will make their victims feel as though they should feel guilty for leaving them. Some abusers may try to use tactics like saying that they are going to kill themselves if you leave them. They may go as far as attempting suicide to get the victim to return to them. Don’t fall for this tactic! It’s only a ploy to get the victim to come back to them.
Prison of not forgiving: One of the biggest steps to healing from past abuse is learning how to forgive the abuser. This is also the hardest step for some survivors to do, and often can be extremely painful. One survivor of abuse described not forgiving her abuser is “like being held in a prison for many years.” Once she had forgiven her abuser, she began to feel such relief and freedom. Her only regret was not forgiving the person sooner. She was waiting for the person who had abused her to apologize for all he had done to her. She faced reality one day, when she finally realized that he would never admit to what he had done. Sometimes the person or persons may not apologize to you, or even admit to doing anything wrong. You cannot let that stop you from forgiving them. When you forgive the other person, you are releasing them from a debt. In the Bible, God says to owe no man anything but the debt of love. Stop walking around with a notebook full of names of people who owe you an apology. They may not ever settle their debt with you. By waiting for the other person to apologize for their wrongdoings, you are putting your life on hold and not moving forward. Remember that forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. Forgiving is one of the keys that frees you from your painful past.
Forgive yourself: Individuals who have been abused must also learn to forgive themselves. We hold on to believing that somehow we made the abuse happen to us. Because we think that we caused the abuse, therefore making it harder to forgive ourselves.
Support system: Surround yourself with people who love and care for you, people who can help you move on from your past, people who do not constantly remind you of your past but can see your bright future ahead.
Give yourself time to heal: Don’t try to rush into other relationships to fill the void. Several years ago, I counseled a 40-year-old woman who had been abused. She told me that she had been in and out of abusive relationships all of her teenage years and adult life. She had never been alone for more than a month. She had been in numerous relationships, and basically admitted to not knowing what type of man she truly wanted to be with. She had not allowed time to get to know who she was and what qualities she liked in a man. She picked her lovers based on other peoples’ opinions. Through counseling, she was able to see that she was much more valuable than what people thought of her. She got to know herself and what she liked. I believe that this is a very important step for individuals who wish to move forward in another relationship: get to know who you are. Once you know who you are, you will be able to realize what you want in life and in a relationship.
Love yourself: Take time to love yourself. Spend quality time with yourself. Set a date with yourself every day. Take long walks, long baths, go to the spa, the gym, nail shop, etc. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. Look yourself in a mirror and say “I love me.” I know this sounds silly, but believe me when I tell you the more you tell yourself that you love yourself, the more you will start to believe it.
Learn to live again: Take one day at a time. When you were in an abusive relationship, your life was extremely chaotic and very unpredictable. Let’s face it, you were simply existing. You thought your life had no real meaning or value. This is the time to allow God to help you reorganize your life and your priorities. Step by step, you will slowly rebuild your life and experience the life you never thought possible. This step requires spending time in prayer and asking our Heavenly Father for strength to start a fresh new life.
It’s time to start living again!
Article by Marquetta Smith, MSSW, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries and Survivor of Abuse
