Abuse can be one of the hardest things in the world to recognize. For some people, even if they feel sorry for a victim, they would rather say nothing, see nothing, and do nothing. Some abuse victims may think something is wrong in their relationships, but will not act or speak up due to fear of what their abusers might do.
If you suspect a loved one is being abused, here are some signs to recognize if they are victims of domestic abuse. Check if your loved one…
Has bruises, cuts, or burns that they never had before
Starts to wear darker clothing with long sleeves and sunglasses all the time
Makes excuses for their injuries
Seems distant and/or depressed
Has extreme weight gain or loss
Becomes a heavy drinker or smoker
Becomes very defensive when asked about their injuries or relationships
Signs that You Are the Victim of Abuse
If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, start paying close attention to your partner’s behavior. If he/she exhibits any of these signs, then you should get help right away. No one should feel afraid in any relationship.
Your partner bullies, controls, and threatens you in the following ways:
Accuses you of having an affair
Blames you for the abuse
Tells you what you can wear
Threatens someone you love
Criticizes everything you do
Is possessive and jealous
Gets easily angry
Throws things and yells at you
As abuse can happen to anyone in many forms, these are just a few red flags to look for in a relationship. Abuse can come from women and men and can occur in gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, asexual, and intersex relationships.
Signs of Abuse in the LGBTQIA Community
An abusive partner may…
Threaten to tell everyone about the victim’s sexual orientation or gender identity to keep control over them
Tell the victim the police won’t help because of their sexual orientation
Dominate every conversation
Be extremely possessive
The victim is scared to say anything because they fear no one will help them or take them seriously
The victim fears they may become outcasts in their community
Like those in hetrosexual relationships, domestic abuse victims in LGBTQ+ relationships will hide injuries behind clothes and make excuses for them and for their partners’ behaviors.
Recognizing Emotional/Mental Abuse
Emotional/mental abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. These are some signs that a loved one or you yourself are victims of this type of abuse:
Constantly name-calls you
Frequently yells at you and makes you feel small
Patronizes you and says things like, “I know you tried, but its just above you”
Publicly embarrasses you by picking fights or making fun of you
Are dismissive of your opinions or when you start conversations
Insults you on how you look
Consistently puts you down and demeans your hobbies or interests
Monitors everything you do
Emotional abuse scars are not visible, but their effects can be hugely traumatic and can show up later in life. Such abuse can lead to depression, chronic pain, anxiety, substance abuse, and PTSD.
If you know someone or are a victim of abuse, whether the abuse is physical, emotional or sexual, please get help right away.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799-7233
National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331-9474
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trangender Hotline: 1 (888) 843-4564
Written by Jessica Christian, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
When you hear the words “domestic violence,” what comes to mind? Do you think of continual beatings, or domineering physical behavior?
While those are forms of domestic violence, domestic abuse is also much more than that. One definition of domestic violence is:
“A pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that is a pervasive, life-threatening crime affecting people in all our communities, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, social standing and immigration status.” (www.centerforfamilyjustice.org/faq/domesticviolence)
When you read that definition of domestic violence, was that what you originally thought? Domestic violence is a broad topic and can involve many behaviors, not just a single act. It can range from controlling access to money, to conducting physical abuse.
If you are experiencing any of these actions, please continue to read this article, which includes the story of Sandra and how she escaped from verbal and physical abuse.
Domestic Violence: How Do We Identify It?
Domestic violence is not always easy to diagnose. On the outside, some of the best relationships look perfect, but there can still be issues. If you take any relationship and dissect it, you will find flaws. When dating someone, you should be aware of when there are problems in your relationship, and when they are urgent enough to require help for yourself and your family. Some signs of potential domestic violence include when your partner:
Accuses you of having an affair
Blames you for abuse
Criticizes you
Tells you what to wear and controls how you should look
If you have experienced any of the above signs, please let someone know. Do not think you are alone. There are people that support and care for you. As a word of encouragement, please read on to discover the story of a domestic violence victim and how she escaped her situation.
A Different Kind of Love
My name is Sandra, and I met the love of my life almost two months ago. I had no idea that two months later that I would be sitting in a women’s shelter with my baby. Because I do not want anyone else to go through what I went through, I want to share my story here.
I fell in love with him when I first saw him, and initially, he was handsome and thoughtful. He would open doors for me, took the time to ask me how I was, and asked about what I wanted in life. I fell hard for him, and we immediately moved in together. We were so happy at the beginning. I did not think anything could go wrong. But I was wrong.
Although things changed slowly, they did definitely change. The first issue was about my money and how much I was spending. The second was about how he wanted me to look when I left home. Occasionally, he belittled me, but I would brush off his comments. When he told me that I was worthless and stupid, or that no one else would want want me, I shrugged off all his criticisms.
I started feeling like I was walking on eggshells, and I did not know what to say or how to respond. I became afraid of him and thought that he might kill me. After every incident of abuse, he told me it would not happen again. He told me he loved me and that he would always be there for me. And yes, each time I believed him. The beatings grew more intense as time passed, and one day, all of a sudden he slapped me down the stairs. I felt incredibly alone and lost.
Would Anyone Help Me, or Would I be Alone?
I was embarrassed to tell anyone about the domestic abuse. Would they say, “Sandra, you are such a fool”? I thought that I was to blame for what was happening to me, so I hid the abuse. I hid the bruises and cuts. Most of all, I hid the pain. I internalized everything. What else could I do? I told everyone he was perfect. I did not want to ruin the image I created. Maybe if I had told some people, they would have welcomed me with open arms. But I had no idea who to tell and nowhere to go.
Two months later, I took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive. After that moment, I realized I did not want to have my baby in those circumstances.
Sandra came up with a plan: on grocery day, when she had some time in the free world, she would ask for help. However, doing so would be difficult since her partner monitored her mileage and where she went. Nevertheless, what he thought was her grocery store trip turned out to be a completely different kind of trip. Sandra called the National Domestic Hotline, and they advised her to go to her local police station to file a report and get a restraining order. Sandra was terribly scared, but she decided to do it.
The police processed everything, and then escorted her back to his home to collect her things. She was able to get into a women’s shelter, find a job, and restart her life. Sandra was extremely grateful to leave that relationship, and did not ever put herself in that position again.
Not Everyone Is So Lucky
Sandra was able to escape, but not everyone affected by domestic violence can escape their circumstances. In the United States, there are 20 people per minute physically abused by an intimate partner (www.ncadv.org/statistics). This equates to a total of 10 million women and men. Those are a lot of people who are being abused or are experiencing some type of physical or emotional violence. That is why having the resources you can use in your time of need is absolutely crucial.
Resources for Domestic Violence Victims
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. This hotline can direct you to resources in your area and provide referrals for services that you may need. If you are in danger and can get away safely, you can also go to your local police station. If you have a trusted friend or confidant, that is also an option. They may be able to get you to a safe place secretly and protect you and your family.
These are a few options to consider. Whichever way you choose, be safe, and always watch your surroundings.
Always Be True To Yourself
Whichever manner you get out of a domestic violence situation does not matter. What matters is that you get out of your current circumstances and that you do not let that abuse happen again. Unfortunately, domestic violence is on the rise, and 1 in 4 women will experience physical violence in their lifetime (www.ncadv.org/statistics). Always be aware of abusive behavioral signals and have a plan of action in place. A relationship can seem perfect, but later crumble due to economic and personal factors. Always remember your identity and your worth. Please do not ever let anyone diminish your inherent dignity or try to change you. You are worth so much more than that. Always remember your worth.
Written by Diana Ashworth, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
Some of the strongest relationships in a person’s life are often from one’s family. However, being close to your family does not necessarily mean that your family is conflict-free. Not all families function perfectly all the time.
In order to strengthen your family unit, you might consider seeking family counseling. But how do you know if family counseling is right for you?
What is Family Counseling?
Family counseling is a form of therapy that tries to lower the level of conflict and stress within the family unit. Unlike therapy focused on a single individual, this type of therapy seeks to identify negative patterns within the whole family. It strengthens communication, teaches coping skills, and stresses interpersonal connections within the family. Family counseling can address many issues. These can range from families with divorces, disabled family members, mental illnesses, substance abuse, communication problems, or even ordinary, day-to-day issues. [1]
Is Family Counseling Right for My Family?
If you are asking yourself that question, odds are family counseling is worth looking into for you. Counseling can be a great tool to strengthen ties and work through a number of issues. Here are some signs to check if you think counseling could help your family. [2][3]
Excessive emotions…
If you notice that certain members of your family struggle with extremely negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, or severe depression and sadness, you should consider looking into counseling. Excessive amounts of emotion can be destructive in any situation. Multiple emotional breakdowns can be red flags that alert you to the need of extra help. Working through these situations and displaying a willingness to listen to struggling family members is vital in handling such events.
Withdrawal…
You may notice that some members of your family struggle to connect with each other. Increasing emotional distance between previously close family members can hurt the entire family. Remember that those members may not be comfortable sharing their problems in a normal family setting. By welcoming discussion, family counseling encourages people to open up in a designated, safe environment.
Dysfunction…
Is your family struggling to function as well as it used to previously? Sometimes a pattern of dysfunction surfaces in families. Simple tasks and routines start to seem nearly impossible to complete. Counseling is a great way to strengthen communication skills and work through that dysfunction.
Significant Issues…
This category covers a variety of family events, traumas, and issues and is by no means exhaustive. If your family is being crushed by the weight of any of these or related issues, looking into family counseling sessions could be especially valuable to you.
Death of a loved one
Recovery from natural disaster
Major trauma
Financial hardship
Mental illnesses
Eating disorders
Adjusting to a new family member (foster child, adoption, etc.)
Substance abuse
Incarceration of a family member
Divorce or other parental conflict
Chronic illness
Communication issues/conflict
Behavioral problems in children
Written by Brooke Smoke, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
Domestic violence is a senseless and vicious crime; sadly, it is extremely common, and many victims do not receive help in time. Such abuse includes stalking, physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse-none of which anyone should ever experience. If you know someone who is being abused, you may wonder how to help.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), more than 10 million people are victims of physical abuse each year. This means that 20 or more people are physically abused every minute of the day, whether they are boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, or partners. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience physical abuse from a partner, which includes slapping, kicking, shoving, and pushing.
Do You Know Someone Who is Being Abused?
Here are a few ways that you can help yourself or someone you know get out of a toxic relationship. Besides letting the abused individual know that you want to help them, remember that they may feel scared, embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed, and that they might blame themselves for the abuse. However, by letting them know that you are willing to support them, they can feel encouraged to speak to someone about their situation.
You should advise them to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-799-SAFE (7233). Pointing them to your local Victims Assistance Network will also allow them to find professionals trained to assist victims of domestic violence.
Have a Safety Plan
Being in an abusive relationship is not easy for the victim, and they may not want to leave the abuser. There can be many reasons why they do not want to leave, including:
Fear for their safety
Children are involved
They love their abuser
Financial security
Belief that the abuser will change
Regardless of which reason the victim will not leave, having a safety plan is highly important. With such a plan, if the abuser becomes violent again, the victim will be safer in knowing what to do and where to go for help. Safety plans should include these steps and identifying signals:
Recognize the abuser’s tone
Know which rooms have no weapons and are low risk
Stay away from children so they do not become targets
Keep a phone on you at all times
Work out codes with co-workers, friends, and neighbors, so they can be easily alerted when you are in danger.
Make sure your kids know where to go for help and what to do
Have an escape route
Always have gas in your car
Protection Order
As soon as your loved one has left their abuser, they should get a temporary protection order right away. If the abuse continues in any way, courts can issue domestic violence protective orders, which are generally enforced up to a year.
Recommend a Domestic Violence Support Group
These support groups are for victims that are still in abusive relationships and for people who have already gotten out. Since abuse victims have significant emotional scars, support groups and counseling can aid in their recovery by providing them with professionals to talk to without fear of judgement. No matter how old you are, or whether you are a man, woman, or child, no one should be abused in any manner. Regardless of whether the abuse happened only once or many times, abuse is abuse and should be stopped.
Written by Jessica Christian, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
Abusive relationships can often get out of hand before you even comprehend what’s happening. While knowing the outcome of any unhealthy relationship is impossible, checking for key signs can help you identify dangerous situations before they become unmanageable. Though abuse happens in a variety of ways, this article will focus on identifying psychological abuse and recognizing related behaviors to avoid especially risky situations.
Identifying Psychological Abuse
Abusers are often display extremely manipulative, charismatic behavior. Feeling confusion or a sense of “stepping on eggshells” constantly can be a sign of psychological abuse. [1] Also known as emotional or mental abuse, psychological abuse is one way for an abuser to take complete control of another person. Abusers will often warp the victim’s sense of reality, their emotions, and their understanding of what is right and wrong. Using guilt tactics and lowering the victim’s self-esteem, the abuser will impose their control until the other person begins to feel responsible for the abuse.
Signs You May be Dealing With Psychological Abuse
Constant use of embarrassment
Insulting
Criticizing
Using the “silent treatment”
Cheating
Guilt tactics
Jealousy
Controlling/overly dominate behavior
Saying “I love you, but…” [1]
Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.” [1]
Placing blame for everything
Isolating you from friends and family (until you only spend time with them)
Knowing that violence can escalate over time is important for those in abusive relationships. Though these circumstances are not necessary for a relationship to become unstable, there are several factors that can be consistently linked to harmful behavior. [2]
Key Dangerous Behaviors to Observe
Threats:
In many cases where women were killed in abusive relationships, there was an occasion of threat. If you notice threats of murder or suicide, take them seriously. Remember, the more specific the threat, the more seriously it should be viewed. [3]
Use of weapons:
If you are concerned that your partner may be lethal or dangerous, note whether they have access to weapons. Threats of using such weapons, along with an escalation of violence, should be taken especially seriously.
Manipulative behavior:
Lethal and dangerous behavior can almost be unequivocally linked with prior psychological abuse.
Substance abuse:
Use of drugs and alcohol can be linked to an escalation of violence. Remember that substance abuse does not cause domestic violence, but it can heighten violent behavior. It only highlights the behavior in a person.
Depression or mental illness:
Mental illness can often be linked to lethal behaviors, noteworthy if your significant other displays a predisposition for depression or other mental illness.
Escalation of violence:
Studies link escalation of violent behaviors with increasing danger. These behaviors can quickly get out of hand and become deadly. [3]
End of the relationship:
US statistics show that women who leave violent abusers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by their abusers than those who stay. [3] This means that a battered woman must make her own decisions on whether or when to leave an abusive relationship. She knows her situation and safety best.
Choking or strangling:
Instances of choking or strangling are both indicators of severe danger.
Although these signs can be useful to identify abusive relationships, remember that only the battered woman can decide for herself what actions to take for her own safety. If you are concerned for a loved one, understand that a listening ear and a watchful eye can go a long way. Offering education and resources is another way to be helpful.
Here is a video of a real life survivor as she tells her story of how she got out of an abusive relationship:
Resources & support for anyone affected by DV &/or relationship abuse:
Call/Chat 24/7/365 | 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) | Español Chat 12-6PM CT
Written by Brooke Smoke, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries
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Domestic violence is not always easy to diagnose. On the outside, some of the best relationships look perfect, but there can still be issues. If you take any relationship and dissect it, you will find flaws. When dating someone, you should be aware of when there are problems in your relationship, and when they are urgent enough to require help for yourself and your family. Some 
