I believe there comes a “moment” in time when a person decides they don’t want to live a certain way anymore, they want more freedom, and then the vision and journey begin for something greater. It’s in that moment that we discover how much we are willing to sacrifice and risk for not only ourselves, but our entire families.
And it’s only when the journey is underway do we truly realize how much in bondage we were in. If, for no other reason, the desperate need for a new start of freedom is the very foundation of why America was formed. Right?
“Independence: How Soon We Forget”
Today is July 4, 2018, Independence Day for Americans. This is the anniversary of the publication of the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain in 1776. Can you imagine what the founding fathers were thinking when they fled Great Britain to take over a land that was already occupied? They were desperate for a fresh start, without the persecution for their religious beliefs. Imagine the mindset and desperation they must have had, to move away from everything they knew with the belief that things had to be better on this land that was already occupied. This land is founded on the principles of freedom and opportunity for all. Shouldn’t this apply to all?
“The Land of Opportunity”
I can’t help but pay attention to the state of our nation and the turmoil it is in. Now, there isn’t a problem spoken of today that started today. But one that is glaringly obvious and is deeply rooted in the fabric of this nation is immigration.
Let’s first define the word immigrant: “a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign country.”
So, anyone not born in America is classified as an immigrant, including the founding fathers of this nation. Regardless of your view of the topic, the fact will always remain that what we call America today was stolen from a group of people already established here. So why are we so hypocritical and harsh to any group of people who are simply seeking freedom, which was what our country was founded on? Right? This is the land of opportunity, and one of the top nations in the world that people flock to for a better life.
A Different Kind of Freedom
I was speaking to my best friend recently about the current immigration order (before it was reversed), where children had been separated from their parents, siblings, and everything they knew, some for months at a time. Imagine being 6 years old and losing all connection to everybody you knew, including your safe, warm environment, all due to an “illegal” status.
My friend reminded me of the desperation these families had for a better life in America. I couldn’t imagine the fear I would have every day, knowing that at any moment, I could be picked up and deported. No matter where you stand on the issue of undocumented immigrants, I think we can all agree that there has been a blatant lack of empathy for families, illegal or not, in recent months. No child should ever be separated from their parents and tossed aside into a camp or detention center, alone, while the government “works out the details” of reuniting families that it forced to be apart in the first place. Oh, how soon we forget this country’s foundation.
But then again, we a have a history of breaking up families in this country. I think about the African-American heritage in America. So many didn’t get to choose to come over here. Let’s think back to those who were forcibly shipped, beaten, raped, and killed with no thought of freedom in sight. We were only to be valued as cheap labor and human breeders on plantations.
There were so many families ripped apart to the highest bidder, forever traumatized. We are still seeing the lasting effects from that time in younger generations today. Looking back through this country’s history, there is a clear distinction of freedom and how it varies depending on your family’s backstory in this great land.
And yet through it all, I can see God’s hand in so many ways.
“God Bless America”
I truly believe God has a greater plan and purpose for America, despite our colorful past. The continued issues such as race and immigration that continuously keep rising must come to the surface and be dealt with. No problem can be changed if it is not acknowledged and then dealt with.
We must re-set the foundation of this land and instill in it the love, compassion, and purpose that God originally designed it for. Only then will we all truly be free.
Many times, God allows us to go through things which will better prepare us with the empathy needed to handle others who will one day walk through our humbling and trying times.
But our inability to see the irony in celebrating independence today, when we have so many people in turmoil over freedom and simple rights, grieves me. Now, I understand that law is law, and illegal is illegal. But a nation that conveniently quotes “One Nation Under God” has an obligation to love and care for the very people in the way God would. This is the same God that deals with us all with grace and mercy, along with His rules and regulations.
As you are enjoying your loved ones today (or this weekend), please remember those who can’t celebrate freedom yet. Remember the ones who are seeking asylum. Remember the ones who are in hiding, hoping to never be caught and sent back from where they once fled. Remember the ones who are desperately trying to find their children in the very nation they fled to, for freedom.
We would like for you to join us, Safe Harbor IM, in congratulating the winner of our last month’s Love Project winner, Ms. Elisea Gunther. Ms. Gunther was nominated by her daughter Linda Hodges.
Here are Linda Hodges’ celebratory words about her mother:
I celebrate, lift up, and honor my mother, Elisea Villa Gunther, because no matter what a family member has done or is going through, she gives them absolute, non-judgmental compassion and care. In this way, she is very much like my grandmother, Esther Villa, who loved each one of us so deeply that we each thought we were her favorite.
My mother is not a quilt maker, but she comes from a long line of quilt makers. To this day, her most treasured possession is the quilt her mother made for her. My mom’s love is like a quilt. She wraps each one of us in her love, keeping us warm and safe from the vicissitudes of life. She will be 80 on June 14th!
You can get more information on the Love Project here. You can also read and keep up with the Love Project by visiting our blog page.
Here is a picture of the Quillow/lap quilt that Safe Harbor gave away. This quilt can be folded into a pillow.
Are you dreading the holidays? Do you wish the holidays would go away quickly so you can get back to your normal routine? Well, join millions of people around the world. Dreading the holidays is very normal. Almost all of us dread something about the holiday season, according to the fourth installment of the Consumer Reports Holiday Poll of 2016. The pain for some people is remembering the loss of a loved one around this time. For some, this can be the time that they may even contemplate suicide or have suicidal thoughts.
The last two years for our family have been hard, and at times unbearable, due to losing close family members around the holidays. Dreading the holidays this year, we all braced ourselves for it, because we were reminded of who we had lost in previous years around this time. Here we are again, facing another emotional rollercoaster due to several family members dealing with sickness.
I can remember one Christmas, I was so depressed that I purposely missed Christmas altogether. Yes, I totally missed Christmas. That year was extremely hard for me, because my family had moved to another city. I have never spent a holiday without my family. So I laid in bed all day long, feeling depressed. That night, sadly to say, I wanted to die. Lying in bed did not help me at all. It just made things a lot worse for me.
I began to question God. I mean, how do we get through the holiday while cringing at the thought of all the past memories? So how did we get through Thanksgiving? Someone in our family asked us if we could celebrate our Thanksgiving four days earlier. I can’t begin to tell you how much stress left us and how relieved we all were to celebrate earlier. It was something about changing up our traditional routine of how we celebrate the holidays and going off script this year.
How to get through the holidays can be very tricky, and at times, depressing if you think about it long enough. As stated earlier, this can be the hardest time of the year for some people. Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult, but add special holidays in the mix and you could be facing some deep depression.
So how do we get through dreading the holidays? The best advice is to not allow yourself to grieve alone. Being alone during the holidays along with grieving the loss of a loved one can be very difficult and extremely depressing. It is very important to set aside time to be around others during this time. You don’t have to dread the holidays alone.
Other Helpful Tips that Can Help You Get Through the Holidays
Talk to a close friend you can confide in: Many times we feel like we have to deal with things on our own. Talking about feelings and emotions is a big part of the grieving process.
Cling to your faith: Reaching out to God to help you navigate the holiday season can be very helpful. He knows just what you need, and He is ready to provide for you in your time of grief. It is as simple as talking to God like you would talk to a friend. Don’t feel like you have to have a long, drawn out prayer to be heard by God. He hears even the shortest and simplest prayers. Psalm 34:18 says that “the Lord is nigh (close) unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” -KJV
Take people up on offers of help: Don’t feel like you have to do everything on your own. When people ask to help, let them. Also feel free to ask for help when you need it.
Don’t try to do too much: Break holiday tasks such as cooking, shopping, and card-writing into smaller chunks, delegate to others, or allow yourself a break from them this year.
Take care of yourself: Grief and the caregiving that often precedes the death of a loved one takes a great physical toll. Take care this holiday season to get enough sleep and eat wisely (including alcohol and sugar in moderation). A body that is in the grieving process requires a lot more attention.
Seek professional help if needed: Let’s face it, sometimes we may have tried everything, and we still may feel that we need help. This is the time to seek help from a professional (licensed counselor). In trying to find a counselor, the best advice is to get a referral from someone you trust.
During a Response: Understand and Identify Burnout and Secondary Traumatic Stress
Responders experience stress during a crisis. When stress builds up it can cause:
Burnout: feelings of extreme exhaustion and being overwhelmed.
Secondary traumatic stress: stress reactions and symptoms resulting from exposure to another individual’s traumatic experiences, rather than from exposure directly to a traumatic event.
Limit your time working alone by trying to work in teams.
Responder Self-Care Techniques
Try to limit working hours to no longer than 12-hour shifts.
Work in teams and limit amount of time working alone.
Write in a journal.
Talk to family, friends, supervisors, and teammates about your feelings and experiences.
Practice breathing and relaxation techniques.
Maintain a healthy diet and get adequate sleep and exercise.
Know that it is okay to draw boundaries and say “no.”
Avoid or limit caffeine and use of alcohol or drugs.
It is Important to Remind Yourself…
It is not selfish to take breaks.
The needs of survivors are not more important than your own needs and well-being.
Working all of the time does not mean you will make your best contribution.
There are other people who can help in the response.
Responders will experience stress. Managing stress and taking breaks will make you a better responder.
Resources Available to You
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Disaster Technical Assistance Center (SAMHSA DTAC)
Toll-Free: 1-800-308-3515
Website: http://www.samhsa.gov/dtac
Department of Veterans Affairs National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) PTSD Information
Voicemail: 1-802-296-6300
Website: http://www.ptsd.va.gov
Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
Children base their reactions in part on what they see from the adults around them. When parents and caregivers deal with a disaster calmly and confidently, they can provide the best support for their children. The better prepared parents are in helping children cope with disaster, the more reassuring they are to others around them, especially children.
Self-care and preparation are critical for parents and caregivers. The more prepared, rested, and relaxed they are, the better they can respond to unexpected events, and the more they can make decisions that will be in the best interests of those for whom they are responsible.
Children’s reactions depend on their age, and are affected by how close they are to an event, their level of exposure to it through TV, and how they see their parents and caregivers reacting.
Seeing repeated images of a disaster in the media can intensify people’s distress. Early on, consider limiting the amount of exposure you want for yourself and your loved ones.
Common Reactions
In most children, these common reactions will fade over time. Children who were directly exposed to a disaster can become upset again. Behavior related to the event may return if they see or hear reminders of what happened. If children continue to be very upset, or if their reactions hurt their schoolwork or relationships, then the parent may want to talk to a professional or have their children to talk to a provider who specializes in children’s needs.
Tips for Helping Infants to 6-year-old Children Cope With Disaster
Infants may become more cranky. They may cry more than usual, or want to be held and cuddled more. Preschool and kindergarten children may feel helpless, powerless, and frightened about being separated from their parent/caregiver. They may return to bed-wetting and have a hard time sleeping.
Tips for Helping 7 to 10-year-old Children Cope With Disaster
Older children who know about loss may feel sad, mad, or afraid the event will happen again. Peers may share false information that parents or caregivers then would need to correct. They may focus on details of the event and want to talk about it all the time. This may disrupt their concentration and affect how well they do in school.
Tips for Helping Preteens and Teenagers Cope With Disaster
Some preteens and teenagers respond with risky behaviors. This could include reckless driving, alcohol, or drug use. Others may become afraid to leave home. They may cut way back on how much they hang out with their friends. They can feel overwhelmed by their intense emotions, and yet be unable to talk about them. Those emotions may lead to increased friction, arguing, and even fighting with siblings, parents/caregivers or other adults.
Tips for Helping Special Needs Children Cope With Disaster
Children who are ventilator-dependent, or who are confined to a wheelchair or bed may have even more pronounced reactions to threatened or actual terrorism. The same is true for youth with other physical or mental limitations. They might display feelings like distress, worry, or anger because they have less control over how they get around than other people. They may need extra verbal reassurance, or more explanations, hugs, comfort, and other positive physical contacts.
Other Reactions
Not all children respond these ways. Some might have more severe, longer-lasting reactions that are influenced by the following factors:
Direct exposure to the disaster: whether they were evacuated or saw people injured or dying would affect them, as would being injured themselves or feeling their own lives were threatened.
Loss: the death or major injury of a family member, close friend or pet.
Ongoing stress from the effects of disaster: this includes being away from home, losing contact with friends and neighbors, and losing things that were important to them, like a favorite toy or access to a playground. Their lives are disrupted when they no longer have a usual meeting place, or their routines and living conditions change.
A prior experience of trauma: including having lived through or observed abuse or a major disaster.
For more information about how to cope with a disaster, visit the following:
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NOTICE TO USERS Safe Harbor posts are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, medication, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Safe Harbor is not authorized to make recommendations about medication or serve as a substitute for professional advice. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice or delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on Safe Harbor International Ministries site.
I was speaking to my best friend recently about the current immigration order (before it was reversed), where children had been separated from their parents, siblings, and everything they knew, some for months at a time. Imagine being 6 years old and losing all connection to everybody you knew, including your safe, warm environment, all due to an “illegal” status.
So many didn’t get to choose to come over here. Let’s think back to those who were forcibly shipped, beaten, raped, and killed with no thought of freedom in sight. We were only to be valued as cheap labor and human breeders on plantations. 
