Think about the children in your community, in your church, the ones who you see every week. Picture your children’s friends, the kids that come over for playdates after school. The reality is, some of them may be victims of child abuse. The CDC, the National Center for Disease Control, estimates that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the age of 18. Let’s define child abuse.
1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the age of 18.
Child Abuse Defined
Sexual abuse, however, is not the only type of child abuse. ChildHelp defines child abuse as a situation in which “a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm, or risk of serious harm to a child.”
There are many forms of child abuse. These include neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation, and emotional abuse. Caregivers are adults known to the children: teachers, coaches, bus drivers, siblings, and other family members and friends.
The majority of abusers in child abuse cases are well-known to the child.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is a situation in which a parent or caregiver causes non-accidental injury to a child. This type of abuse includes: striking, kicking, burning, biting, hair pulling, choking, throwing, whipping, or any other method of harm. Results of physical abuse are bruises, cuts, internal injuries, broken bones, brain damage, emotional and psychological harm, and sometimes even death. 28% of adults report being physically abused as a child (ChildHelp).
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse occurs when an adult or older child uses a child for sexual gratification. 21% of adults report being sexually abused as children (ChildHelp). While sex offenders come to mind when people hear about sexual abuse, most perpetrators are well-known to the child. Abusers are usually people a child should be able to trust. Often sexual abuse occurs in the ‘safety’ of a child’s home. Girls (not always, but more often) are often abused by their father, uncles, or older brothers. To add to the pain of sexual abuse, the people abusing them are people they love and trust.
Sexual abuse [usually] occurs in the ‘safety’ of a child’s home.
Emotional Abuse
Another form of abuse is emotional abuse. In most cases, emotional abuse is a recurring pattern of behavior in which a parent or caregiver harms a child’s mental or social development or causes severe emotional harm. Rejection and isolation are just two forms of emotional abuse. When a caregiver demeans a child and instills in them the idea that they are worthless, they are communicating rejection. Isolation is when an adult cuts a child off from normal social experiences.
Neglect
Child neglect is also a form of abuse. Neglect occurs when a parent or caregiver does not provide the care, supervision, affection, and support a child needs. Parents leaving their child in the car in the parking lot for an extended period of time on a 90* summer day are neglecting their child. Neglect also occurs when an infant is left in a crib for hours on end and never allowed to develop normal muscles or learn to walk.
Despite these shocking statistics, child abuse is believed to be overwhelmingly under-reported. Unfortunately, many cases of abuse go unreported and sometimes unnoticed. How is it possible that such treatment can go unnoticed? Under-reporting of child abuse can be largely traced to oblivious communities. Child abuse rarely occurs in the open. When there is a lack of awareness, there is a lack of reporting.
Child abuse is believed to be overwhelmingly under-reported.
The Key: Raising Awareness
People simply don’t notice things they aren’t aware of. As a result, an entire month is dedicated to child abuse awareness. The first step to combating child abuse is raising awareness. Once people are aware that child abuse exists, they need to be able to recognize it. If you know how to recognize child abuse, you can help spot it and stop it in your community. So, what are the signs of child abuse?
Now you have a broad definition of child abuse. Because of the striking statistics, we want to take a closer look at each type of abuse. Keep an eye out for future articles defining and discussing the different signs of abuse. We will also look at ways you can make a difference and work toward preventing abuse in your home and community.
Stay tuned for the next article!
Written by Hannah Wilson
Edited and reviewed by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
Sources:
ChildHelp: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/
Medical News Today: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/241532.php
Volunteers leave organizations for various reasons. It’s like a revolving door that has been an age-old problem and concern for many nonprofits. There are many reasons why volunteers quit.
After years of working with volunteers and being a volunteer myself, I was able to make a list of the top reasons behind volunteers quitting.
The Top 12 Reasons Why Volunteers Quit
Volunteers are not inspired nor motivated by leaders. Leadership needs to see volunteers as a valuable part of their entity. Staff, program managers, as well as the executive team need to meet with volunteers on a regular basis. By doing this, volunteers will, in turn, be motivated and inspired by leaders. Volunteers need to see the organization’s leadership.
They are not treated as a part of the team or organization. Volunteers are not treated as staff members. Most organizations separate their staff and volunteers in many project activities. Volunteers need to feel as though they are a part of the team.
Volunteers are not trained. Organizations train their staff members, but they do not see the need to train their volunteers. Volunteers must feel they have the required knowledge and skills, and are adequately prepared for their assignments. In addition to providing training for their assignments, volunteers must receive ongoing training year round. This keeps them sharp and up to date on the most proficient ways to complete their task.
They are not celebrated. Volunteers are not honored or recognized for what talents they bring to the organization. Volunteers need recognition on a regular basis, not just once a year.
Volunteers are not contacted on a regular basis. Volunteers to be communicated with and contacted on a regular and ongoing basis. I would suggest using multiple ways of communication with volunteers, not just your typical email once a month.
They are not given clear expectations. They are not given specific roles, responsibilities, shift requirements, and boundaries. Volunteers need as much structure as possible. Don’t assume that all volunteers know what your organization expects of volunteers. It may be clear to you, but not to the volunteers. Just like employees and paid staff are given these things, volunteers should be given the same thing. They are able to do a better job when you provide specific expectations.
They are not given a voice. Volunteers are not given a voice in the organization. Their ideas may not be welcomed by the leaders. Agencies need to provide a platform where the volunteers can voice their opinions and ideas. You may be astounded at what they can bring to the table. This adds value to the volunteer program and to the volunteers.
They are not given organizational support. They are not getting the help when needed, and are not given feedback on their work performance. Volunteers need to given job performance reviews where their skills task performance is evaluated. In this review, the volunteers are also able to review their managers and the organization as a whole. The review helps the agency know what the volunteer needs are.
They are not given a job description. This goes along with providing clear expectations. Organizations give their paid staff members descriptions, so why shouldn’t volunteers have one as well. This allows the volunteer to see what they are required to do, just like a paid staff person. In turn, they feel as though they are a part of the team, and they know what the job entails.
Their skills are not maximized. Volunteers should not just be seen as manual laborers. They bring many talents and skills to an organization. Many times they are asked to do a task that does not fit their skill level, so they get bored and leave. Volunteers need to feel they are challenged and that their skill set is appreciated.
They feel alone and isolated. They need to feel as though they are a part of the team. Staff and leaders should connect with their volunteers at a deeper level. Volunteer meetings should include staff as well, as it’s an organizational leadership team. Volunteers should receive phone calls on a regular basis by its leadership team. Volunteers should not only be contacted when there is a project, but called just to say “Hi, how are you?” This makes the volunteer feel like they are appreciated as a human being, not as a set of hands that can complete a task.
They get burned out. Some organizations only use and rely on using a select few volunteers. In turn, those selected few get burned out quickly. The workload needs to be spread out evenly if possible. The work also will need to be exciting to the volunteers. They should not only be given a mundane task, but give them something they enjoy doing as well.
Results
By correcting these areas, you are more likely to see 3 things take place within your organization:
Increased participation of volunteers
Increased productivity of your volunteers
Increased number of volunteers
Remember, happy volunteers are helpful volunteers!
Written by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
As we all have seen on the news the flooding in North Carolina, our hearts go out to the communities that have been affected by this terrible ordeal. Many are trying to make sense of what has happened and are trying to deal with the stress of the situation.
To the individuals who have been affected by these events, we know how they can create a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety for those directly and indirectly affected. Here are some things to look for in the days and weeks following the disaster, you may begin to have some of these common reactions.
Common Reactions
Disbelief and shock
Fear and anxiety about the future
Disorientation; difficulty making decisions or concentrating
Apathy and emotional numbing
Nightmares and recurring thoughts about the event
Irritability and anger
Sadness and depression
Feeling powerless
Changes in eating patterns; loss of appetite or overeating
Crying for “no apparent reason”
Headaches, back pains, and stomach problems
Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep
Increased use of alcohol and drugs
Tips for Coping
It is normal to have difficulty managing your feelings after major traumatic events. However, if you don’t deal with the stress, it can be harmful to your mental and physical health. Coping with these feelings and getting help when you need it will help you, your family, and your community recovers from a disaster. Here are some tips for coping in these difficult times:
Talk about it. By talking with others about the event, you can relieve stress and realize that others share your feelings.
Spend time with friends and family. They can help you through this tough time. If your family lives outside the area, stay in touch by phone. If you have any children, encourage them to share their concerns and feelings about the disaster with you.
Take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and exercise, and eat properly. If you smoke or drink coffee, try to limit your intake, since nicotine and caffeine can also add to your stress.
Limit exposure to images of the disaster. Watching or reading news about the event over and over again will only increase your stress.
Find time for activities you enjoy. Read a book, go for a walk, catch a movie, or do something else you find enjoyable. These healthy activities can help you get your mind off the disaster and keep the stress in check.
Take one thing at a time. For people under stress, an ordinary workload can sometimes seem unbearable. Pick one urgent task and work on it. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. Checking off tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment and make things feel less overwhelming.
Do something positive. Give blood, prepare care packages for people who have lost relatives or their homes or jobs, or volunteer in a rebuilding effort. Helping other people can give you a sense of purpose in a situation that feels out of your control.
Avoid drugs and excessive drinking. Drugs and alcohol may temporarily seem to remove stress, but in the long run, they generally create additional problems that compound the stress you were already feeling.
Ask for help when you need it. If your feelings do not go away, or are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function in daily life, talk with a trusted relative, friend, doctor or spiritual advisor about getting help. Make an appointment with a mental health professional to discuss how well you are coping with the recent events. You could also join a support group. Don’t try to cope alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Seek spiritual help. This goes along with asking for help when you need it. But sometimes, people may not know that they are in need of help until it is too late. You could go to a pastor, church clergy, or someone who can help you pray during this time. It is very common to blame God for the disaster and turn away from Him, but God is such a big God that He can handle your anger and frustration towards Him. He so longs to hear from you, even if it is to vent and scream. He is ready and willing to hear your prayers. A spiritual counselor will be able to help you navigate those feelings and help you along the road to recovery of spiritual health.
Remember this childhood rhyme: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Some of us used to say this little one-liner of a rhyme when growing up to prove to the bully that their words had no power, and those negative words that were thrown at us can never hurt us. Wow, how wrong! This article will help you understand how words can hurt and also give you simple steps on how to overcome emotional abuse.
How many times have you heard the words “you are stupid,” “you are so dumb,” “you can’t do anything right,” “you are a waste of space,” or better yet, how many times have we told our children these same words? These very hurtful words become engrained in their hearts and spirits, and eventually our children will believe these daunting words and soon start living out these words.
Did you know that emotional abuse can be one of the most deadliest forms of abuse? However, societies around the world have made us believe that physical abuse is the most harmful of all of the types of abuses a person can suffer from. They have also implied that physical abuse is the only type of abuse that can cause victims their lives. Well, I say that they are wrong!
Emotional/verbal abuse within itself can be the silent killer of all of the forms of abuse. Why? It is so subtle, and the effects are not easily seen at first, but over time, the effects can be deadly because the negative words spoken to someone are being engrained into their heart and spirit, which is the silent killer.
When victims of verbal abuse are subjected to this type of abuse, the individual silently submits to the voices of rejection, doubt, fear, intimidation and so on.
These words that are spoken over and over again to the victim can eventually become a part of their core beliefs. To simply put it: Whatever a person believes, they become, and begin to live out. They become the very negative words that were once spoken over them.
If these negative words are believed by the victim, they can, in turn, pass this same thought process and negativity on to their children, especially if the children are subject to this type of abuse as well, thus repeating the cycle of verbal abuse to the next generation.
Try this simple, yet effective exercise if you have been a victim of emotional abuse: start out by speaking positive words over your life and your children’s life 3 times a day for one whole month. While doing this, you must fight the urge to speak any negative over your life. Here are some words you can speak to help you get started:
I am smart and intelligent
I am beautiful
My life has meaning
I have a purpose in life
I am wanted
I am loved
Feel free to continue adding only positive phrases to this list, and watch how your life will be transformed right before your very eyes. You will soon believe what you say, and you will become the words that you speak over yourself. In the end, this will become a habit of speaking positive things. The key here is to be consistent…don’t stop!
Also, an individual who has been subject to this type of emotional abuse is strongly encouraged to seek counseling along with their children. Counseling will assist the individual to develop a more positive self-worth and combat the effects of this type of abuse.
By Marquetta Smith, MSSW, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
Have you ever wondered how individuals are introduced to church and to God? I have concluded that family is our first introduction to church, and this is where beliefs, whether good, bad or indifferent, are not only taught in the home, but lived. I have friends that, at a very early age, believed that God was a God of bondage, lack, poverty, toiling, hard labor, sickness, and no peace. They grew up in homes where God was seen as a king, carrying a big stick, ready to hit you over the head if you messed up, and someone you could never talk to. What an awful view of God. Can you relate?
Their image of God was tainted at a very early age. They were taught that God only loved a select few people, and everyone else was not worthy. This defined love for them. Some were even told that their denomination was the only one that was going to heaven, and that everyone else who did not believe what they believed would go to an ever-burning hell.
These false truths have been taught to many at a very early age, and it causes us to look at God as a mean, heartless God who was ever so ready to send everyone to hell if they got out of line.
You see, as parents define who God is, they are setting the stage for how their children will know God. Looking back at how they were introduced to God and church, I can see how a child could have a false notion of God, magnified x 100. They were told to never question what they believed, because it showed signs of disobedience. They were shown in the Bible that children are to obey their parents.
One of my friends told me of how her parents secluded themselves and their children from society. It was further drilled into her head that everyone else was wrong in their beliefs, and they were right. “They didn’t want us tainted by the world,” she told me. Children learn not only by what we say, but also by what we do. As the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” After hearing some of my friends’ stories, I began to acknowledge my own upbringing and introduction to “the Church.” I had to admit that I too had to search for the truth of who God is and come to terms with some false teaching that was taught to me.
Not until years later, when I was an adult, did I begin my search for the truth, and I learned the truth about God and how much he loves each of us, no matter what we believe, no matter the denomination, no matter what religion we have. God is a God of love and compassion. He is always looking for ways to bless us and have mercy on us.
We have to be very careful how we share the truth of who God really is and what He is like to our children. Children get their first real introduction to “the Church” and “God” from us. Therefore, it is our responsibility to provide a nurturing environment where healthy conversations about church and God are encouraged. They should not be told, “do as I say, and not as I do.” This fosters confusion and resentment, which can lead to children believing that God does not want us coming to Him and asking Him questions. God welcomes us to come to Him to seek the truth.
Question: What kind of God are you introducing your children and your family to?
The article was written by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
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Not until years later, when I was an adult, did I begin my search for the truth, and I learned the truth about God and how much he loves each of us, no matter what we believe, no matter the denomination, no matter what religion we have. God is a God of love and compassion. He is always looking for ways to bless us and have mercy on us. 