by Grace Haass | Jul 17, 2020 | Featured Post
It is very important for parents to learn how to encourage child autonomy. Instilling confidence and independence in your child will give them the skills necessary to become capable adults.
A person’s childhood has major impacts on how they develop and function as adults. Most parents only want the best for their child. It is easy, however, to hinder your child’s development by doing what you think is best for them. Keep reading for tips on how to foster and encourage child autonomy.
What is child autonomy?
Autonomy is the freedom to make your own decisions. Children need to feel in control over their choices of behavior. Creating an environment that fosters child autonomy will ensure your child grows up knowing that they are in control of themselves. Child autonomy increases self-esteem, confidence, and independence in growing children. [1]
Parents are commonly overprotective, controlling, and stressed out of “love” for their child. Although it’s important to keep your child safe, it’s equally important to raise them to be independent. This means loosening the reins on them at times, even if there is potential they can fall down. Letting your children learn for themselves about their environment is the only way that they’ll develop intelligence and independence.
How to encourage child autonomy
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Give your child options. When it’s time to choose an activity to do, or foods to eat, it’s helpful to give your child choices. This will show them that they are making their own choice, and will often make them more satisfied with either option that they choose.
Let your child challenge themselves. Encourage your daughter/son to complete tasks by themselves, even if it’s difficult. Although it might take them much longer to tie their shoes, get themselves dressed, or brush their hair, it’s the only way they’ll learn to do it.
Give them responsibilities. Even little kids are capable of having responsibilities- within reason. That is to say, give your child responsibilities that they are able to maintain, so that they get used to the feeling. Cleaning up after themselves, feeding the pet, or getting their own drinks are reasonable responsibilities for a child.
Help them help themselves. The above being said, make it possible for them to be responsible. Put the dog food in a place that they can access it easily, or fill a low drawer with their own cups.
Be nonjudgmental and accepting. To encourage your child to have autonomy, that means accepting the choices they do make. Judging a child for their opinions or behavior will discourage them from thinking and acting independently.
Give them space. Similar to letting them challenge themselves, children need space to learn and grow. Independent play is a good way to foster your child’s independence. Let them play with their toys by themselves, or give them space on the playground without constantly telling them to be careful, or holding on to them. Look out for their safety, of course, but do not be overbearing. This can cause children to rebel and actually harm themselves in order to show you that they don’t always need to be careful.
Trust! Developing mutual trust between you and your child is crucial. Your child must trust you to keep them safe within reason, so that they feel comfortable doing things on their own. You must also trust your child to do things on their own.
How faith relates to autonomy
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There’s a philosophical debate between personal autonomy and religion. Raising your child to have autonomy is important, but so is raising your child to trust in God, if you have a religious household.
In my opinion, I think that raising a child to be autonomous, and to have faith is possible. However, since autonomy does mean the freedom to make one’s own decisions, I do believe it is necessary to let your child figure out their own religious beliefs as they grow up.
If religion is a part of your family, then there are ways to teach it to your children while still fostering autonomy. Like the above mentioned point, trust is a big factor in how to encourage child autonomy. Just like your child has to trust in you, encourage them to trust in God. Trusting in God helps me make confident decisions, which is important in autonomy.
Conclusion
Parenting is no easy feat. Everyone has their own opinions on the best way to raise children, and that decision is personal to every parent. It’s expected to want the best for your child. It’s important to ask yourself what “the best” means to you.
Independence, confidence, and direction are some of the most crucial traits that a person can have. Giving your child autonomy is the best way for them to develop these traits.
We hope you learned how to encourage child autonomy in this article. Our July theme for the blog is “Family Matters,” so make sure to keep an eye out for more family-related posts.
Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.
by Grace Haass | Jun 25, 2020 | Featured Post
Disclaimer: this post is for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not meant to replace professional PTSD management, or treatment for any conditions.
Last week we discussed lesser-known symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is a mental health condition that can look many different ways. Along with the lesser-known symptoms, there are lesser-known treatments. Diet can be an effective way to treat and manage PTSD symptoms, in addition to medically suggested treatments.
Mental health and physical health go hand in hand with each other. If one of them is lacking, the other can be affected. A healthier diet can help to improve physical health, which may, in turn, improve mental health.
How diet affects PTSD symptoms
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Nutrition not only affects our physical health but also the structure and function of our brains. Recent studies have proven that an optimized diet can lead to less psychological distress in adults. Two common symptoms of PTSD are anxiety and depression. Both of these stress disorders can be mitigated based on our food choices.
- Eating balanced meals helps to regulate blood sugar levels. Blood sugar spikes and crashes can contribute to feelings of anxiety.
- The bacteria in our gut makes up our microbiome, which is a key factor in our overall health. A recent health frontier is known as psychobiotics. There is increasing evidence that the food we eat affects the bacteria in our gut, which can influence our mental health. Our microbiome helps make and process nutrients, and produce neurochemicals that aid in brain functioning. Maintaining a healthy microbiome can be done through diet.
- Iron deficiencies can cause, or emphasize, feelings of depression, and fatigue.
- Low Vitamin D levels can lower levels of serotonin, leading to depression. Spending time in the sun is a way to absorb some Vitamin D, which is why many people are affected by seasonal depression. However, you can also increase your vitamin D levels through food.
People affected by PTSD are often at higher risk for poor physical health. PTSD causes oxidative stress and inflammation in the body. These two things put patients at a greater risk for conditions such as diabetes and heart disease. Certain diets have major effects on the management of both conditions.
What to eat for PTSD management
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We’ve discussed the science behind how nutrition can affect our mental health. When we say “diet” can be effective at managing symptoms of PTSD, it’s not to mean that you should be looking to cut calories, or follow a traditional weight-loss diet. Instead, it’s about eating a more traditional, simple diet full of whole foods and balanced meals.
Tips:
- Start with suitable, maintainable changes for your lifestyle. Instead of doing a full 180 in terms of your diet, begin with small steps.
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- Foods with iron: white beans, lentils, spinach, red meat.
- Foods with Vitamin D: seafood (salmon, tuna, swordfish), cheese
- Aim to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your daily meals.
- Limit processed foods.
- Eat better quality fat sources for heart health. Try to replace trans and saturated fat sources with Omega 3 fatty acids. Fats are essential to brain function. Avocado, salmon, and nuts are great sources of healthy fats.
- Eat whole foods like legumes, whole grains, lean meat, and seafood.
- Make sure to balance your meals to optimize energy and stabilize blood sugar levels! Doing so will decrease mood swings associated with blood sugar spikes, and increase your energy levels. To do this, aim to combine protein, carbohydrates, and fiber in your snacks and meals.
- Traditional diet patterns like the Japanese and Mediterranean diets have great health benefits.
Conclusion
Fueling our bodies with nutritious foods can affect both our physical and mental health. We often speak about treating mental health conditions without looking at the physical health conditions that they can bring along with them, and vice versa. Our overall health is improved when we prioritize all aspects of it.
PTSD can bring a whole host of side-effects. Changing your diet is not a cure-all. Speaking to a doctor about your condition will help you determine what medical treatment is needed for your case. Following these diet tips can be beneficial for PTSD management, in addition to the doctor-recommended treatment to improve some symptoms.
Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit www.safeharborim.com/articles/
by Grace Haass | Jun 19, 2020 | Family Life, Family Living, Healthy Lifestyles, Staying Healthy, Stories of Hope, Teen issues, Teens, Wellness
Disclaimer: This information is written for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a dietician or nutritionist. Eating disorders are serious conditions that should be treated by a health professional.
With summer beginning, it is important to maintain a healthy relationship with food. It’s always around this season that the most pressure is put on us to be “fit,” and “healthy.” I put those in quotations because, too often, society measures these factors based on how we look.
Trying to meet the standard of “health,” that the media portrays leads many people to develop negative relationships with food. Diet culture pushes us to try new diets like trends. Most of these fad diets, however, are just ways to restrict ourselves.
To be your best self this summer, it’s crucial to focus on the actual aspects of your own, personal, wellbeing. Health is personal and unique to each of us! It cannot be accurately measured based on physical appearance. And, everyone’s dietary needs are different.
The issues with “wellness culture”
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Fad diets
Fad diets have existed since mainstream media was created, but in recent years the health industry has cultivated what is known as “wellness culture.” Wellness culture promotes all kinds of tips, tricks, and suggestions for things you should be doing to improve your health. Although these trends hide being claims of improving “wellness,” most all of them are centered around losing weight or staying thin.
- Juice cleanses are claimed to be great for weight loss and detoxing. Although you might lose weight in the short-term from only consuming juice for multiple days, there are health risks to this kind of restriction. In reality, eating a regular, balanced diet allows your body to detox itself just fine.
- The vegan diet has grown in popularity. There is no issue with choosing to go vegan, if you’re doing it for the right reasons, and being mindful of sustaining a balanced diet. The harm in the vegan diet comes from the restrictions it places on food options. For someone who already has disordered eating thoughts/behaviors, which are easy to be unaware of, diets like the vegan diet can prove to be a cover to further food avoidance.
- The keto diet works wonders for some to lose weight quickly. Which is no surprise, since the diet involves eating little to no carbohydrates. Again, this diet can work to lose weight in the short-term. However, it’s unsustainable for most people to only eat protein and fat forever, and there are many health risks.
- Intermittent fasting has also been widely promoted as of late. This approach does have proven weight-loss effects. Compared to other calorie-restrictive diets, though, intermittent fasting does not have any higher of an effect. Restricting the time period in which you allow yourself to eat can lead to eating fewer calories, in general, which will result in weight loss. The line between beneficial and restrictive is very thin for this trend.
The language
Along with the diet trends, wellness culture brings harmful language and terms regarding food behaviors. You’ve probably heard many people, or yourself, say “I ate really badly yesterday, so today I am going to eat extra clean.” Labeling foods as “good,” or “bad,” enforces unhealthy relationships with eating. In reality, there are no good or bad foods, there are just foods. Each food has a different nutritional value, sure, but dividing them into only two categories can be harmful.
Some unhealthy behaviors that can come out of these labels are guilt, anxiety, and obsession. We shouldn’t associate any of these feelings with eating. Unfortunately, because of toxic diet culture, a majority of people do. We feel that when we indulge in heavier foods, that we should be guilty and need to punish ourselves by restricting the next day. Or, we become so obsessed with eating “clean” foods, that we get anxious when sufficient options aren’t available.
These behaviors can impact our daily social lives. When we obsess over food, constantly planning our next meal, or feeling anxious when we eat something that we consider “bad,” we might find ourselves avoiding social situations. An enjoyable experience, like going out to eat with friends, can become stressful.
How to genuinely care for your health
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As a young girl, I definitely was a victim of the pressures that social media can cultivate. I was constantly comparing myself to images of other women, wondering how they looked the way they did, and knowing I would never. After years of struggling with disordered eating, I realized one day just how exhausted I was. I didn’t want to have to think so much about everything I put in my mouth, or worry over how I looked, sticking to a strict exercise routine, etc. It was a constant source of anxiety in my life.
As cliche as it sounds, what helped me realize the changes I needed to make was going abroad. While I was traveling, I was enjoying foods that I wouldn’t eat regularly at home, and I didn’t have time to workout really at all. Before leaving, I was stressed about these things. But once I was there, I never worried about it once. I was too busy enjoying myself! Taking a break from focusing on food and exercise is what I needed to change the way I think about eating and my body image.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to take a trip to Europe to be able to create a healthy relationship with food. It takes dedication to loving yourself and your body, even when society is telling you it’s not their definition of beautiful. It’s not always easy, but a commitment to loving yourself is the most beneficial thing you can do for your actual health. Here are some tips that help me:
- I stopped looking at foods as “good” or “bad.” Now I look at food just as food! I allow myself to eat all foods, instead of restricting what I used to consider “bad” foods. By doing that, and eating what I want when I want it, I no longer feel controlled by food. It also prevents binge eating habits that can come from restriction. When you allow yourself to eat intuitively, you can eat something “unhealthy” in moderation, since you know you can have it again whenever you want.
- I started really focusing on loving my body instead of hating it. I had to practice mindfulness to become aware of my thoughts, in order to change them. It’s not always easy or successful, but it will help. When I notice that I’m saying something negative about myself, I try to switch the thought pattern into something appreciative and loving.
- I focused on doing workouts that I actually enjoy. Before, I’d do intense training almost every day, and force myself to exercise even when I didn’t feel like it. While motivating yourself is good sometimes, resting when your body needs it is just as important. If I don’t feel like moving intensely one day, I just do gentle yoga. And, I take days off of exercising whenever I want. I also no longer stress about missing days in my workout routine. I always used to feel like I was working out to meet a goal that was unattainable, constantly working to change some aspect of my body. Now, I just move in ways I love because it feels good and clears my mind.
Conclusion
We are all our own worst critics. In the era of social media, it’s easy to pick yourself apart and constantly compare yourself to others. Think about how much energy you spend worrying about superficial things, and how that damages your overall well being. Half the time, we would never say the kinds of things we say about ourselves to other people. Why do we feel that it’s okay to speak to ourselves this way?
When you feel unworthy, turn to your creator. God made us uniquely, and with intention. Instead of tearing yourself down, use that energy to delve deeper into your faith. At the end of the day, what is going to add meaning into your life is not the number on the scale, but the loving connections you have to yourself, your God, and others.
Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, check out our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/
by Grace Haass | Jun 12, 2020 | Abuse, Family Life, Family Violence, Mental health, Parenting, Staying Healthy, Wellness
Odds are, you’ve encountered the feeling of shame at some point in your life. Some people experience shame as any other emotion- present for a short amount of time, and then passing. Others, however, suffer from toxic shame. Toxic shame can affect your daily life, moods, behaviors, decisions, and relationships. Overcoming toxic shame requires exploring the cause of your shame, and taking measures to heal from it.
What is toxic shame?
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Toxic shame is shame that is intense, and long-lasting. It usually has a deep-rooted cause, oftentimes from your childhood. Toxic shame can lie within us unconsciously, affecting every aspect of self-evaluation. Shame is a feeling of inadequacy. It tells us we are unworthy, that we should be embarrassed, and, of course, ashamed of ourselves. When that shame becomes toxic, those feelings of unworthiness are ever-present in our minds. Without even being aware of it, you may be living your life controlled by shame.
Childhood trauma is a common cause of toxic shame later on in life. [1] Parents who abuse their children physically or emotionally can inflict shame upon them. Children who grow up being told they aren’t good enough, or being shown they aren’t worthy of love through their parents actions, will be affected in the long term.
Shame is a common feeling, as we mentioned before. However, there is a difference between unhealthy and healthy shame [2].
- Situational shame: When we are in a situation that conflicts with our core values, we often feel shame. This feeling arises because it ended in someone being hurt, or us hurting ourselves by doing something that doesn’t align with our beliefs. It is normal and healthy to feel shame in this form. This type of shame is accepted and then passes, like any other emotion.
- Toxic shame: when we allow shame to define us, it becomes toxic. Instead of letting the shame pass after a situation, the feeling becomes toxic and we believe what it tells us about ourselves. Toxic shame lowers your self-esteem, and in turn, lowers your quality of life.
Effects of toxic shame
A person’s core identity is shaped by the age of 10 [3]. If you’ve spent those years cultivating shame, either projected on you from your parents, someone else, or yourself, it will affect your self-image. Toxic shame can lead to many issues down the road.
- Relationship issues: when shame controls our self-worth, we often look to other people for validation. Since nobody can legitimately validate you besides yourself, relationships are often ruined by toxic shame. Either the needs of the person seeking validation aren’t met, or there’s too much pressure put on the other person to provide validation.
- Toxic shame can lead to mental health conditions. Anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are common long-term effects [4].
- Low self-esteem. Not valuing yourself can cause many issues on its own [5]. Some of those include drug abuse, self-harm, and harming others.
- Generational cycle of toxic shame. If your feelings of shame remain untreated until you have kids, you may repeat the same pattern of inflicting shame upon them.
- Avoidance behavior. Shame can become paralyzing, and feel too intense to face. Instead of coping with the feeling, we avoid it altogether. Our article on avoidance behavior explains the dangers of this.
How to heal from toxic shame
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Healing from toxic shame requires facing the shame we carry, its cause, and freeing ourselves from the stories it tells us. One of my favorite yoga classes that I’ve taken was with Jen Pastiloff. It was focused on freeing ourselves from the stories we’ve been told about ourselves.
Everyone has a different story that they believe to be true of themselves, and that they feel ashamed of. Perhaps it’s “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m not lovable,” etc. To rid ourselves of the stories means to realize they aren’t true. It means figuring out the truth about who YOU are, at your core. Not who you are because of what you’ve been told or made to believe. Getting to know ourselves can be scary, but it can prove to be very rewarding.
- Take some time to self-reflect. When I feel like a lot is going on in my mind, I find that journaling helps to make sense of it all. If I realize that I am feeling a certain way, and acting in specific ways because of the feeling, I like to write it on paper to help myself understand it better. Becoming familiar with the patterns of your feelings and thoughts is a way of coping with them.
- Acknowledge your “stories.” Going off of the above point of getting to know yourself better, it is important to understand the things you tell yourself that fuel your shame. Idenfity the stories the world has made you believe about yourself. If it helps, write them on pieces of paper and throw them away, or put them in a fire (controlled, of course). Watching them physically disappear can sometimes help them disappear from your mind.
- Practice mindfulness. We’ve mentioned this technique a lot in recent blog posts, but it’s for a reason! Mindfulness allows us to accept ourselves and our feelings, and teaches us forgiveness. Forgiving yourself is a huge factor in overcoming shame, even when the shame you feel isn’t your fault.
Conclusion
Toxic shame can become paralyzing. Taking steps to free yourself from your shame is crucial to living your most fulfilled life. The shame you carry does not define who you are, and you must not let it. Take back control of your life and write your own story.
The Bible speaks a lot about shame. We have a savior who came to this Earth to forgive us for any sins. Jesus loves us unconditionally; no matter what we’ve done, what we believe about ourselves, or what anyone else believes about us. Trust in Him to free your shame, for he sees the good in you.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Psalm 34: 4-5
Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.
by Grace Haass | Jun 5, 2020 | Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Emotional abuse, Family Life, Family Violence, Featured Post, Mental health, Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Staying Healthy, Wellness, Words of Encouragement
“In the culture people talk about trauma as an event that happened a long time ago. But what trauma is, is the imprints that event has left on your mind and in your sensations… the discomfort you feel and the agitation you feel and the rage and the helplessness you feel right now.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk
Post-traumatic stress disorder is caused by either ongoing trauma or a singular traumatic event experienced at some point. PTSD is a complicated disease that looks different for every person who has it. Avoidance behavior is a symptom of PTSD that refers to intentionally preventing the emotions associated with trauma. While avoidance behavior provides a short-term way to decrease negative emotions, it is not a healthy coping mechanism.
Avoidance behavior is associated with heightened PTSD symptoms in the long run. So, while avoiding emotions might make you feel better at the time, it can make matters worse down the road. Avoidance behavior can also lead to other unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse.
Why and how avoidance behavior manifests in PTSD
A person who has PTSD may experience intense anxiety when they are confronted by something that reminds them of their trauma. Triggers can be anything reminiscent of the trauma:
- Smells
- Sounds
- People
- Situations
- Specific places
- For some, it may be that a whole category can be a trigger, like all movie theaters.
Triggers cause uncomfortable feelings to arise, and are often overwhelming. PTSD can be so strong that the anxiety is debilitating. Avoiding triggers altogether means avoiding many situations, places and people that could cause strong emotions.
Avoiding these emotions causes them to be suppressed, instead of allowing them to surface. The emotions associated with trauma are considered too intense to be handled. Avoiding them appears as a perfect way to not have to deal with them.
Why avoidance behavior is harmful
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Avoiding emotions that are uncomfortable is not a healthy way to cope with them. Emotions serve important functions in relationships, including the relationship to yourself. They communicate to yourself about your surrounding environment: both internal and external. In relationships with others, emotions have a role in healthy social interactions. Because your feelings have purposes, it is important to understand and acknowledge them.
When avoidance behavior makes a person cut off all things that could be triggering, they may find themselves isolated. The activities they feel safe doing are limited because of their need to avoid any possible uncomfortable emotions that may be triggered. Socially secluding and limiting themselves can lead to a lower quality of life.
Unsurprisingly, avoiding feeling your emotions does not just make them go away. Suppressed emotions can grow stronger, as you are giving them more power to control you when you avoid them.
As emotions grow stronger, they may become harder to avoid. This can lead people to find other ways to avoid their feelings, like alcohol and drugs. Substance abuse is a common development of avoidance behavior. [1]
How to improve avoidance behavior
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Take note of your avoidance behavior patterns. Write down the details of when you notice yourself using avoidance. Analyzing the situations you avoid, and the emotions you attempt to prevent as a result, can help you overcome the avoidance behavior.
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Being aware of when you experience certain emotions can give you steps to take to stop. Writing down small steps, or goals to meet can gradually improve your avoidance behavior.
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For example, maybe your traumatic experience is linked to a certain street. You might avoid an entire street in your town because it brings about anxiety seeing the house where you were traumatized.
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Instead of immediately setting a goal of “walk up to the house,” set smaller goals that are buildable. Perhaps, your first goal could be to drive down the surrounding streets.
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Feel your emotions. Allow your body to feel and accept its emotions. Start out by writing about your emotions that aren’t triggered by PTSD. Describe how you feel when you are happy, when you feel safe or when you are excited. Then, work towards the uncomfortable emotions. Try to find a trusted person to share your emotions with.
Conclusion
PTSD is a mental health condition that is personal to every individual who experiences it. Although every person has different triggers and coping mechanisms, avoidance behavior is common in PTSD. Avoidance behavior has been proven to worsen PTSD symptoms long-term, and lead to other dangerous coping mechanisms.
It is important to understand and look out for avoidance behaviors in yourself and anyone you know who has PTSD. Encourage yourself or them to learn about this aspect of the disorder, and take steps to facing and accepting their emotions.
Additionally, we acknowledge that the situation going on in our country can be triggering for many individuals. Social media, TV news, and other platforms are currently full of pictures, videos, or words that may be triggering for anyone who has experienced racism, violence, or police brutality. We encourage you to do what feels best for you during this time of increased exposure.
That being said, we know that there mild forms of avoidance coping that can be beneficial to people who have anxiety brought on by trauma [2]. The difference is that the healthy forms of avoidance coping do not suppress and avoid emotions. Instead, they help your body learn to control its reaction to uncomfortable emotions. Mindfulness is a great way to help your body accept and deal with emotions like stress and anxiety. Click here for an article about ways to incorporate mindfulness into your life.
Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, check out our blog page: https://safeharborim.com/articles/.
