In times of crisis, it is important to come together as a community to lift morale among its members. Even through small contributions, every person has the power to make a difference. Anything positive that you can contribute to your community is appreciated, whether that is volunteering your time/talents, donating money, or spreading positivity through other means.
Specifically, a great way to help your community during a crisis is through volunteering. Almost anyone can become a volunteer if they find the right place for them. There are many different ways you can do it, and all kinds of talents are needed in order to best serve your community. For ideas about how and where you can volunteer, read our previous article here!
Volunteering can be a form of self-care that does two jobs in one. It not only helps your community, but it helps you, too! This is because of the positive physical and mental impacts that volunteering has on you.
It Improves Your Mental Health
It is commonly said that helping others is good for your soul. This has been proven to be true empirically by several sources. According to the Mayo Clinic, volunteering is good for your mental health by:
Decreasing the risk of depression
Reduces stress levels
Keeps people mentally active
Volunteering often includes helping people face to face, which increases social interactions. Building relationships with people who share similar interests with you helps build a support system. Volunteering can have a “stress-reducing effect” by making you feel appreciative and purposeful. Also called “helper’s high,” it is a great way to gain self-confidence and mental stimulation while also improving the lives of others.
All of these things help fight depression, anxiety, and boost mental stimulation. This is especially important now, when social distancing keeps people from interacting like they normally would.
It Improves Your Physical Health
Volunteering isn’t only good for your mental health. It is awesome for your physical health, too! Several studies have linked stress and heart disease. High levels of stress can:
Raise blood pressure
Raise cholesterol
Increase bodily inflammation
Cause an irregular heartbeat
Because of the stress-reducing qualities that volunteering has, those who volunteer often have shown to live longer and have reduced rates of heart disease.
Volunteering also has also been shown to reduce the risk of types of dementia, including Alzheimer’s. This is due to the level of social interaction that is often associated with volunteering. Interacting with others, whether in person or by social distancing guidelines, promotes cognitive function. It helps the brain stay healthy by keeping it active, reducing nerve deterioration that is common in old age. Emam Saber, a senior citizen from California, is a prime example of how volunteering can improve quality of life. Saber serves his community by cooking food for local churches, nonprofits, and schools. Even though he suffers from chronic pain and arthritis, Saber says that “serving others brings him joy.”
Volunteering Encourages Learning New Skills
Volunteering is a great way to learn new life skills. It is the perfect opportunity to get more “tools” in your metaphorical life tool-belt because you are volunteering your time and talents for FREE. What better time to learn something new than in an environment that promotes helping people?
Volunteering can teach you skills such as
Leadership
Time-management
Teamwork
Communication
Problem Solving
Conflict Resolution
In addition to teaching you soft skills that help you in life, volunteering is an awesome way to get practice on skills you want to improve on. For example, here at Safe Harbor International Ministries, you can volunteer your creative talents by assisting in our Love Project. You can help make comfort items, like quilts, for those who need lifting up during hard times such as these. There are opportunities to work on other skills such as writing, mentoring, community outreach, and more! To find out how you can volunteer at Safe Harbor, click here!
Volunteering encourages family bonding
Being a solo volunteer is helpful in itself. However, it can also be fun for the whole family! Including the whole family in volunteer efforts brings many of the same benefits as it does alone, like learning empathy and teamwork. However, volunteering as a family fosters other forms of growth, like family bonding. Spending time as a family allows parents and children to see each other from a new perspective. When families work together, it gives everyone a chance to see and appreciate each person’s special skills. Working together makes family members communicate with each other. This is a vital skill in order to have a functional family unit.
There are many opportunities for families to volunteer together. Volunteerhub suggests group activities such as
Building homes
Planting trees and gardens
Volunteer vacations
Hosting community events
Volunteering as a family is a perfect way to encourage family bonding while also helping your community. It allows parents to teach their children valuable life skills while also instilling a sense of empathy for their neighbors. Volunteering as a family provides indispensable benefits for the family unit that will foster healthy family relationships.
Conclusion
If helping others isn’t enough of a benefit, volunteering provides personal enrichment that can have huge impacts on your life. Reducing stress, fighting depression, and lengthening lives are just some of the many positive impacts that volunteering can have on you. Learning and improving on new skills in a helpful environment elevates your quality of life and creates valuable social connections. Volunteering as a family creates strong bonds and teaches future generations the importance of charity.
When times are hard, volunteering is a wonderful way to show your community that you care. Even when things are good, it is important to practice empathy, so that when things do get rough, you know how to help your neighbor. The old saying goes “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” which is true. However, by volunteering, you have the ability to help others while also helping yourself.
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit www.safeharborim.com/articles/
The world is currently experiencing a collective traumatic experience. A great way to combat this trauma is by showing community love. The impact level that COVID-19 has on people varies based on certain things like income, job security, family status, and many others. Some people are adjusting to working from home. Others have lost their jobs all together. Some people have a safe place to isolate. Others are not as lucky.
Regardless of the impact level, everyone can benefit from showing community love. At Safe Harbor International Ministries, we are committed to showing community love by providing family restorative services and victim advocacy. Even if this is not your specific mission, there are many ways you can contribute to lifting up your community. It is even possible while adhering to the CDC recommended social distancing policy.
So, what are some ways you can show community love? Keep reading to learn more!
Volunteering
A great way to show community love is by physically assisting in your community’s specific needs. There are still ways you can volunteer your time and talents, even while practicing social distancing.
According to Fidelity Charitable, there are still many organizations across the country needing volunteers to “provide critical services to your community.” Food pantries, senior centers, and even nonprofits like Safe Harbor International Ministries are accepting volunteers to make a difference.
There are many ways to find volunteering opportunities near you. Online sources like VolunteerMatch can connect you with several opportunities across the country and in your local community. Many states even have online sources that connect you to state specific volunteer opportunities. You can also reach out by phone and email to your local nonprofit and volunteer organizations to see what gaps need to be filled. Community services such as Meals on Wheels are always looking for assistance. The need for these types of services have skyrocketed since many people have lost their source of income.
Here at Safe Harbor International Ministries, we are looking for individuals who can help us make face masks to give out to our first responders, health care front line workers, and anyone who may need one. Volunteering your time to sew these masks can be done in the comfort and safety of your own home. You can email us at contact@safeharborim.com or call us to sign up to volunteer your time and talents to sew these masks.
Of course, the first thing you should consider before volunteering is your health. DO NOT volunteer your time If you are elderly, immunocompromised, or under other risks of infection. There are other ways you can help show community love without potentially spreading COVID-19.
Donating
If you are unable to volunteer your time due to sickness or self isolation, you can still show community love through donations. Many charities and nonprofits are accepting donations to make supplies like face masks for essential employees who risk their health to provide necessary services. Other organizations, such as the World Health Organization, are using donations to aid in research and provide medical supplies for those in need.
Donating to help those in medical distress is not the only way you can show community love. Eater.com has compiled a list of relief funds for those in the service industry affected by the social distancing protocol. Millions of people in the country that work in the service industry are struggling due to lack of income and benefits from their employers. The Entertainment Industry Foundation has created a relief fund for entertainers whose main source of income has also been slashed by social distancing.
Donating is a great way to show community love without having to leave quarantine. Even small donations are appreciated. It is critical that those who are still financially sound to give back in order to keep their communities afloat.
Moral Support
It is understandable that many are not able to volunteer or donate during this time due to their own struggles. However, there are still ways for those unable to give money or time to show community love.
In my community, a common way people are showing moral support is by launching Teddy Bear hunts. Everyone in the neighborhood participates by placing a Teddy Bear somewhere that can be seen from outside the house, like a window. Parents then take their children on a “hunt,” where they go around and locate as many teddies as possible. The entire community can get involved in a cheap, no contact way. It also provides entertainment for children who are struggling to keep occupied.
A great story out of San Antonio, Texas came out recently that gives a great example of moral support. A group of teachers made a surprise visit to their students by driving by in a caravan. The students greeted them with amazing, hand made signs expressing how much they miss and appreciate their teachers. This was a great way to show community love by expressing “solidarity” between the students and their teachers.
At Safe Harbor International Ministries, we have a great program that can help produce moral support and show community love. “The Love Project” is a program that sends hand made quilts to nominated people and families who need to be shown love. What better way to show someone that you are thinking about them by sending them something designed to bring comfort and peace? To learn more about our program, click here!
Conclusion
It is more important now than ever before that we come together to support each other. Even though times are incredibly stressful, there is still hope. Expressing community love through various acts of kindness shows people that they are not alone in their struggles. It is easier to heal when you have a support system. When the entire world is in pain, our communities become our support systems. The only way we will make it out of this on a positive note is by working together to keep our communities afloat. COVID-19 will eventually end, but our communities will always be there. Let’s use this time of turmoil to make a real difference in our world.
Safe Harbor International Ministries is teaming up with local agencies in Atlanta to make face mask covers for first responders and medical staff. It has been very hard for front-liners, who are forced to wear the same face mask days at a time, or even weeks. Making face mask covers will help with maintaining the longevity of the masks they are using. To help us with this mission, you can donate materials by calling us at 404-692-3245, or donate online for us to purchase supplies.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page at https://www.safeharborim.com/articles/
When life as we know it gets flipped upside down, it is hard not to be consumed by worry. There is almost no place to go where bad news cannot find you. Television, radio, and social media make it impossible to escape the news cycles that seem to only get worse. Pages and pages of bad news have overwhelmed the internet. You’re lucky to see one article of good news after scrolling through mountains of COVID-19 related content.
Social distancing “hacks” that aim to cushion the mental blow of this pandemic have exploded on social media. They tell us to practice mindfulness, to set a routine, and to lift each other up remotely. While these are great ideas, they are hard to implement when the energy outside is so low. How are we supposed to be positive when the news we consume is anything but?
We decided at Safe Harbor International Ministries that the best way that we can help is to be a lighthouse. We want to be a source of positivity for our community in this time of need. This includes creating positive content that breaks up the 24-hour cycle of fearful news. As a team, we compiled several “good news” articles on one handy page for our readers to enjoy. We hope they provide you with hope and comfort in these trying times.
Keep scrolling for the good news you probably missed while worrying about COVID-19!
News outlets reported this week that the CEO of a popular restaurant chain has forfeited his salary to pay employees. Texas Roadhouse CEO Kent Taylor will give up his salary from March 18th, 202, to January 7th, 2021. That money will instead go to the “front of the line” workers that keep this business afloat. Since social distancing has limited people’s ability to sit down at a restaurant, this is good news for the service industry. To read more about this story by Michael Ruiz, click here.
Emma Smith, from Essex, England, shared this story via Twitter about her pooch, Rolo. She shared that “my dog has been so happy that everyone is home for quarantine, that his tail has stopped working, so we went to the vet and the vet said he had sprained his tail from excessively wagging it.” Worry not, internet friends! Emma also reported that Rolo is being managed with pain medication, and his spirits remain high. Good news for Rolo, and good news for all of us readers! To read the full story by Cameron Frew, click here.
University of Nevada student Jayde Powell organized a network of “shopping angels,” A.K.A volunteers that provide free grocery pickup and deliveries to the sick and elderly. Inspired by her knowledge as a pre-med student, she first enlisted the help of her medical fraternity. From there, the volunteer offers have skyrocketed. Her kindness has “gone national,” and has reached other states like Connecticut, California, New York, and Arizona. She even set up a GoFundMe account to help cover groceries of those living in poverty. What good news this is for those in these communities that need help. Click here to read the full story by CNN Wire, and click here for more information about the Shopping Angels.
15 year old Shaivi Shah contributes to the good news cycle by making sanitation kits for California’s homeless population. The kits include hand sanitizer, lotion, antibacterial soap, and face masks to help combat the spread of COVD-19. Shaivi and her fellow honor society students have given over 250 of these kits to homeless shelters so far. She has even started a GoFundMe account to help expand this initiative outside of Los Angeles. Click here to read the full story by McKinley Corbley.
Google Arts & Culture has teamed up with over 2,500 museums and galleries to provide virtual tours and online exhibits. This is good news for those in mandatory or self-quarantine who need more than binge-able Netflix shows to keep occupied. The company has partnered with some of the most famous museums around the world. Viewers can check out the Museum of Modern Art in New York as well as Amsterdam’s Van Gogh Museum. Smaller and local galleries are also participating like the Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art. Viewers can enjoy the cultural impact of art from their own computers without compromising their health. To read the whole story by Mathew Dennis, click here.
Conclusion
There are countless places to find news coverage of COVID-19, and I encourage you to seek out these sources. It is important for us to know what we are facing, and how to protect ourselves. However, it is just as important to keep our mental health in mind. Our mindset can have a huge impact on our physical health. If we want to stay healthy physically, then we also need to take care of our minds. This includes consuming positive content that lifts our spirits and brings us joy. It means sharing the good news with each other so we can have hope for a better future.
As I said before, here at Safe Harbor, we want to be a lighthouse for those lost in the dark. This is our beacon.
Psalm 23:4: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Safe Harbor International Ministries is teaming up with local agencies in Atlanta to make face mask covers for first responders and medical staff. It has been very hard for front-liners who are forced to wear the same face mask days at a time, or even weeks. By making face mask covers, this will help with maintaining the longevity of the masks they are using. To help us with this mission, you can donate materials by calling us at 404-692-3245, or donate online for us to purchase supplies.
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page at https://www.safeharborim.com/articles/
COVID-19 has infiltrated almost every aspect of our lives. It is hard to turn on the news or read a news report and not see something about the virus. Even though we are all connected by this virus, some people have specific struggles. These struggles can be linked to certain pandemic perspectives. Every person has a different perspective based on their personalities, work life, and home life. It is important to understand these pandemic perspectives in order to help each other in these trying time.
The following pandemic perspectives were written by members of Safe Harbor International Ministries administration intern team. They provide an insight on how everyone is being impacted by this pandemic. From being an introvert and staying inside during these times, and normal times to being an extrovert and having to be thoughtful when going outside.
What is COVID-19?
As you know by now, the COVID-19 virus that is closing homes and businesses around the world is running rampant. The Human Coronavirus spreads just like the flu or the cold. It is a high risk for older people and those people who have ailments such as:
heart disease
diabetes
lung disease
people who are immunocompromised
The United States Government is recommending that we practice social distancing. This is simply is paying attention to how close you get to others. Put at least 6 feet between you and another person when in public. It is also recommended that you work and learn from home. If you must visit an elderly person, you should try to utilize FaceTime applications to do so. Also, all major events including concerts and sporting events are to be canceled.
Pandemic Perspective: The Introvert
The following pandemic perspective was written by Safe Harbor Intern Lyza.
In such an unknown and crazy time in ALL of our lives right now, it is important to remember that some people are “homebodies” and like to live their everyday lives as if they are being quarantined. Introverts are people who are normally shy and quiet, they are people who normally observe a crowd and avoid being the center of attention.
A dream of an introvert is most likely, social distancing. Essentially, if you are an introvert, you are pretty much thriving right now. Many large cities around the country have shut down or put restrictions on restaurants, concert halls, movie theaters, gyms, and other “social” places. Which means that everyone is pretty much left to stay inside with their families, or alone. Introverts were made for this pandemic.
I have been surviving this global pandemic and the social distancing by simply staying inside and just looking outside. I have been watching plenty of television and “window” shopping online. Mainly, I have been just communicating more with my family and friends than ever and enjoying my time home with my grandparents. I also remind myself a lot that everyone is going through the same thing as I am, and this is helping me understand professors and group mates.
Pandemic Perspective: The Extrovert
The following pandemic perspective was written by Safe Harbor intern Sarah.
There is something to be said about the ability to appreciate being home, keeping physical distance from others, and having quiet times to self reflect. It also reminds us, especially an extrovert such as myself, that it will be ok. When I first heard of a potential quarantine I hit a level of immediate panic. My life is constantly in the public circulating myself often around large groups of people.
No, I do not live the life of a celebrity or even an influencer but that of a service industry worker. As I’m sure you all have heard by now it is a very difficult period for us. I personally stood in a food line the other day with no more than 10 people as per the health officer who vigilantly watched us recommended. I felt scared and alone. A local Atlanta restaurant Cafe Intermezzo was closing and was giving us free meals until the supplies ran out. I called everyone I knew to notify them of this opportunity and heard numerous responses of other groups offering free food in the area. As reality set in that we were going to be in it for the long haul, I sat and reflected on how I would typically spend my week.
I work a hectic schedule that typically requires me to go from one job to the next. Normally, I wake up early in the morning, which I assure you I am not currently practicing, and start my day at a restaurant. I greet the cooks, managers, my co-workers, and guests giving me a sense of family. I hustle throughout the day ensuring my job duties are completed. Every guest/co-worker I talk to makes me feel a sense of social connection in a world that is accelerating more technologically. It is not only typically financial securing but also mentally therapeutic for me. So what happens when it seems to be all taken away?
Pandemic Perspective Advice: from an extrovert to other extroverts:
My feelings have ranged from paranoia, isolation, and overall fear of the uncertain future. My mother has always told me, “Feelings are not right or wrong they just are”. I believe that statement to be true, however for my extroverts and industry workers who are feeling alone let’s review what else is happening amidst the crisis.
Multiple organizations are reaching out offering food assistance, bill assistance, and numerous other organizations letting us know we are not alone. We don’t have to shut off our personalities as we might have previously thought. We just have to change the medium in which we display ourselves. It has made me gain a new appreciation for being able to technologically keep in touch with the world. I have called more friends and family this week than I have for a long time. I feel I am able to gain that sense of social connection just by hearing a voice and a smile on the other side of the line.
GO OUTSIDE!
I promise I’m not defying medical advice, but they have noted that they recommended a six foot distance and limit on social gatherings. It felt incredible to walk outside of my apartment to see people exercising on their porch, reading on a stool, and cleaning their yards. I shouted good morning to my neighbor across the street and that was when it hit. Yes, this is all an unfortunate and scary but appreciate the social connections we are still able to have and the resources that are available. Have faith, have hope; we can make it through this. Stay safe!.
While the world is preparing to deal with the health crisis, financial instability and returning to work, it is important to stay optimistic for a better tomorrow. Most nations are currently observing a COVID-19 quarantine which includes social distancing and isolation. While this might seem tough for some, especially the extroverts, here are some tips to make the best of the current situation and to stay positive (not for the virus..hopefully)
Pandemic Perspective: College Students
A lot of people in the states got a lot of plans taken away from us. From college athletes seasons getting cancelled to concerts being postponed. Being a college student during this time is incredibly hard. Personally, I had major community service events canceled. Now, I am unable to give back to my small college town this year. I also had induction ceremonies and senior send offs cancelled. Thankfully, I am not a senior anymore, and I still have a year at my university. However, I know a lot of seniors that will not be able to celebrate any of their “lasts” at college. This pandemic is going through and taking away everything we have all planned. Now, we have to move back home and continue classes in a place we haven’t lived in since high school. If you know a senior in college (or even high school), please reach out to them. Check in with them and see if they need anything. Most are in mourning of the life they were used to.
Pandemic Perspective: The Family:
People often think that introverts love staying at home. Although, there is some truth in it, it’s not the staying at home we love, but more of the alone time that we appreciate. I am a part time employee, student and a parent of an adorable 3 year old girl. Normally, my schedule would let me make time for all my responsibilities in a way that I could work in the morning while my daughter went to preschool, attend afternoon classes and focus on being a mom and a wife when we spend time together as a family in the evening.
Currently, my city has issued a stay at home order which means my schedule and responsibilities are all crammed together. I try to work between ignoring my daughter’s requests to play with her, cooking and doing dishes. Sometimes my day leaves me with no time for online school work which means I have to pull an all-nighter to get it done along with some leftover work from the office. As an introvert, alone time helps me recharge and feel relaxed. I try to find that peaceful time when my daughter goes to bed and before I start my night shift to study.
Extrovert parents have their own struggles. My friend Kate has two children under six. As a bird lover, she and her kids spend most of the day outside. On a normal day, she would take them out to a park and talk about birds, trees and interact with other families and kids in the park. Social distancing has taken a toll on her parenting style as she has to find ways to entertain her kids indoors. Living in an apartment building compared to a house makes it even harder as children are completely confined to the 4 walls of their homes without any chance to play outdoors like a backyard.
Pandemic Perspective: Children and Routines
Schools and child care centers announced closure at least for another 2-5 weeks depending on the state. This means children do not have a fixed schedule anymore and parents are tested on their multitasking, organizing and patience skills. Whether introvert or extrovert, the hardest part of parenting right now is being able to keep children occupied with educational activities during the day while parents work. I had so many plans when we began the quarantine of how I would sit with her and solve puzzles, watch educational shows and so on, but so far, tv has provided the quintessential peace needed to focus on my work. And parents…that is ok! The most important thing we need to remember right now is that this will pass and we need to stay optimistic.
Not every family is picture-perfect. There are women and children right quarantined with an abusive parent, spouse or relative, leaving nowhere to hide from the beatings, nowhere to run from being raped and no one to make them feel secure. It is important to remember that help is still a phone call away.
Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 to get help. Georgia state residents can seek help by calling 1-800-33-HAVEN (1-800-334-2836). For more information, click here.
Also, search for local organizations that are helping women, men and children in such situations, keep their contact handy. If you know someone who is in a similar situation, please keep in touch with them, reach out to make sure they are doing ok. Research local communities that are helping out and let them know of the individual as well.
Tips for making the best of things during this time:
This is a great time to focus on yourself. Take a step back into self-reflection and meditation. Dust off that list of things that you were putting off for years. Maybe this includes learning a new skill, writing a journal/book or learning a new language. All these are achievable through the internet.
Family bonding:
While children are probably happy to stay home from school, parents are facing a hard challenge to balance working from home, household chores and parenting. Use this time to bond with your family. Create schedules for work and family time to help balance both. Talk to your children about boundaries. Set rules to help them understand why their parents are on the computer or phone all day. Set time aside for family bonding through family activities like:
cooking meals together
board games/video games
watching movies together
Turn on the music and get silly.
We may remember this time as horrid. However, our kids can remember them as fun times they had with their parents.
Community reaches out:
We all are currently facing a fear of uncertainty, some of us more than the others. Check-in on your neighbor, family, and friends. Reach out to the vulnerable people in the community. This includes the elderly, individuals with disability, and women who are pregnant or just had a baby. Offer help with groceries and medical needs. Donate to food banks and relief funds to help those who are in need.
Social connectivity:
Stay connected on social media, share your experiences, suggestions to help people cope. If you have interest and talent in media and arts, this is a great time to shine. Use your talent to create home videos, vlogs, memes to share some positivity.
Gratitude:
While most of us are getting to avoid the virus by working from home or staying at home. Workers in other industries are not as lucky. The industries include:
healthcare
law enforcement
public service
logistics
warehouse
grocery
pharmacy
retail chains
All of these people are risking their well being every single day by exposing themselves to the illness. It is important that we come together as a community and let these heroes know that they have our gratitude. Leave the mailman a thank you note next time he/she picks up your mail. Use twitter and other social platforms to express your gratitude.
The point is..we all are in the same boat, regardless of religion, color, financial status and nationality. COVID-19 is affecting all of us. Help others by observing quarantine rule. Also, reach out to help those in need by using non-contact communication like the internet.
Conclusion
Introverts have mastered the art of self isolation through self reflection and appreciation of lone time. In short, they have already mastered the art of “social distancing”. For more on the introvert’s guide to social distancing, please click here. This would be a great time to take some lessons from these elusive but thoughtful beings.
Society has favored extroversion since they are needed for their skills. . Currently, being an extrovert is tough because they have to adapt to a whole different environment. For extroverts, here are few tips on how you can stay connected during social distancing.
We are living in a time where everyone in the world can relate to the same situation. This is true regardless of race, nationality, gender, personality, or family status. There will be days when we feel overwhelmed. Some days will make us feel grateful, and some will feel redundant and purposeless.
However, we must remember that this stage is temporary. We will be able to resume our “normal” lives once the situation improves. Until then, pick up that phone and call your friend. Ask your neighbors how they are doing, Check on the vulnerable and socialize virtually. We can get through this, and we will. But, we will only get through this by coming together and supporting each other.
Safe Harbor International Ministries is teaming up with local agencies in Atlanta to make face mask covers for first responders and medical staff. It has been very hard for front-liners who are forced to wear the same face mask days at a time, or even weeks. By making face mask covers, this will help with maintaining the longevity of the masks they are using. To help us with this mission, you can donate materials by calling us at 404-692-3245, or donate online for us to purchase supplies.
Written by Sarah Washington, Lyza Klein, administration interns, and Ann Rollo, HR intern at Safe Harbor International Ministries. Edited by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries.
In any relationship, intimate or platonic, there are lines that should never be crossed. These lines exist to guide the relationship in a healthy direction. Some lines are obvious, like physical or sexual abuse, stealing, or lying. However, there are so many more boundaries that should be upheld in order to have a healthy relationship.
When it comes to friendships, boundaries are just as important as they are in romantic relationships. Friendships can get missed when establishing boundaries because they don’t always impact us like romantic relationships do. Usually less is invested in a friendship than a romantic relationship. People don’t often make big life decisions based on their friends. They don’t usually think about “settling down” with their friends.
Because of this, certain standards aren’t upheld in friendships like they are in romantic relationships. Questionable behaviors are excused, resources are taken advantage of, and time is wasted in friendships when boundaries aren’t established. Friendships can quickly unravel and become a negative impact in your day to day life.
In myprevious article, I shared my story of being in an abusive friendship in high school. This friendship had a detrimental influence on my life and development. It took me years to recover from the damage this friendship caused, and the effects still linger to this day. Much of my experience was due to a toxic person deflecting their pain onto me. However, I believe many of our problems could have been avoided had healthy boundaries been set and upheld.
So, why are healthy boundaries so important in friendships? Continue reading to find out!
1. Friendships affect your health
According to the Mayo Clinic, friendships can have a massive impact on your overall physical health. Rates of high blood pressure, depression, and high BMI’s are lower in adults with healthy friendships. In addition, those with healthy friendships are more likely to have a longer lifespan than those with weak social connections.
Because the quality of our friendships affects our physical health, it is more important than ever to establish healthy boundaries. A friend who continuously stimulates anxiety within you is taking away your right to a healthy body. According to Harvard Health, anxiety can induce physical ailments like GI disorders, heart disease, and respiratory disorders. Unnecessary anxiety can also induce somatic symptoms like dizziness and nausea without any underlying medical problems being present.
Therapist Kailee Place says that it is important to keep your emotions and well-being separate when it comes to our friends. It is okay to empathize and support our friends. However, when your emotional state is dependent on your friends’, then you have a problem.
Being so invested in a friend and their problems that you experience constant anxiety is not a sign of a healthy friendship. It could lead to things like resentment and burn out, which will ultimately destroy a friendship if left untreated. This kind of friendship could be transformed into a healthy one with the right boundaries.
Draw a line that limits the amount of emotional energy they are allowed to take from you. Recognize when you are in too deep. Have have a plan to communicate when you are needing to pull away. Your physical health is just as important as your friends’ emotional well being. You deserve friendships that do not put your health in jeopardy.
2. Boundaries establish mutual respect between friends
We all know that one friend. The one who:
always has problems, but doesn’t make time for yours
calls you at odd hours and want your undivided attention.
expects expert level advice from you and gets upset when the advice doesn’t align with their agenda
clings to you like a lifeline, but is MIA when you need them to reciprocate.
It can be difficult to set boundaries with this kind of friend. You may fear their reaction to your boundary, or that you may hurt their feelings. However, your needs are just as important as your friend’s. You must establish respect as a boundary. This is so that one person does not take advantage of another person’s empathy.
Friendship’s are not always a perfect 50/50 when it comes to support and respect at every moment, and that is okay. Sometimes people in different stages of life need more support than others. However, the amount of effort put into a friendship should be somewhat equal over a span of time. The friendship can easily become one sided if respect is not established.
Don’t be afraid to speak up when a friend is not respecting your time and energy. It is possible to be firm in your boundaries while remaining empathetic to your friend’s situation. Respect and empathy go both ways, and a true friend will recognize that. If you can be respectful of your friend’s energy and time, and then they can do the same for you.
3. Friendships impact the way you see yourself in the world
According to Pew Research Center, friendships are integral in teaching us our place in society. They teach us how to interact with others and form strong relationships. Besides a parental/child relationship, a friendship is the first kind of relationship that we form with other people.
Considering how important this is for our development, it is just as important to set boundaries that protect our sense of self from outside influences.
When I was in my abusive friendship, the way this person treated me translated to how I treated myself. They did not respect me, so I did not respect myself. This bled into some of my other relationships as well. I allowed other people to treat me badly, lie, and disrespect me often. I thought that these toxic behaviors were the norm.
Even when this friendship ended, I struggled forming friendships with people in the aftermath. I had to completely relearn what having a good friend looked like and felt like. I had to relearn how and how much to trust people. Many friendships ended that formed immediately after the abusive one because of problems I had acquired.
All of this is to say that when someone is treating you badly, you need to speak up and set a boundary. The impact that bad friendships have on our sense of self is enormous. This means that the boundaries that we make also have a huge impact. Make it clear what does fly and what doesn’t. When a friend hurts your feelings, communicate with them why it hurts you. Set a boundary and employ consequences for overstepping. You should be consistent in enforcing healthy boundaries to be taken seriously.
Conclusion
The biggest mistake I made in my abusive friendship was not upholding my own boundaries. I allowed someone to repeatedly cross my lines because of how much I cared about them. Because of this, I suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was hard for me to form relationships after this one because of the damage it caused.
My lack of boundaries does not excuse this person’s behavior. Also, I don’t believe that boundaries would have saved this friendship. However, healthy boundaries would have slowed down the damage this person was causing. I would have been able to recognize this friendship as abusive had I had strong boundaries. I could have ended it before it wreaked havoc on my self-esteem.
Everyone deserves to have people beside them that have their best interests at heart. Friendships with healthy boundaries thrive without being one sided or causing long lasting damage to one or both parties.
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page athttps://www.safeharborim.com/articles/
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