Much of what we know comes from what we were exposed to growing up. Older generations pass things down to us all of the time. Some things are genetic, such as eye color or hair texture. Other things are social, like family traditions. These are things that can have positive impacts on our behavior. Unfortunately, it is also possible to inherit negative things from older generations, such as generational abuse.
When we are born into something that has crossed generational lines, like abuse, it can be very difficult to break the cycle. So, how can we break the cycle of generational abuse? First, we need to start by defining it.
What is generational abuse?
As the name indicates, generational abuse is abuse that crosses generational family lines. This occurs when one family member takes the violence they experienced and passes it to another family member. Often, a parent can pass this abuse to their child. For example:
A child whose abuse is disguised as “discipline” may also “discipline” their children in the same way.
A child who is sexually abused by a family member may be told to keep it a secret. When they have a child themselves, they may teach them to respond the same way when something similar happens to them.
A child who grew up in a controlling environment may try to regain that control by behaving the same way towards their own children.
Not every victim of child abuse goes on to abuse their own children. However, there are statistics that show a link between being abused and becoming an abuser. According to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children, roughly 30% of child abuse victims will continue the cycle of abuse with their own children. This is because we first learn how to interact with people by interacting with our parents. This is the first real relationship that we form. It impacts our behavior for the rest of our lives, whether we like it or not.
Why is it damaging?
As stated, generational abuse is damaging because it increases the likelihood of the abused becoming the abuser. However, there are many other consequences associated with generational abuse that are just as damaging. Trauma professional and licensed therapist Tamara Hill points to “unhealthy coping mechanisms” like denial and minimization that act as tools in perpetuating generational abuse.
Denial: When we deny our trauma, we deny ourselves the opportunity to heal. This can lead to pent up emotions that can be unintentionally expressed on innocent bystanders, like our children. A parent-child relationship is supposed to be unconditional. Denial put limits on this relationship.
Minimization: Just like denial, minimizing trauma puts up road-blocks in someone’s healing journey. Minimizing your trauma may lead you to minimize your child’s trauma. This increases the likelihood of the occurrence of psychiatric disorders, such as Borderline Personality Disorder.
Generational abuse continues when problems are buried rather than fixed. Victims of generational abuse may eventually accept things the way they are. Rather than try to break the cycle, they learn to be content in it. Emotional education is completely ignored. If abuse is the only thing they have ever known, then it is not surprising when they continue that abuse towards the next generation.
How to break generational abuse
While generational abuse seems like a dismal subject, there is hope for victims. While breaking a cycle of anything can be difficult, breaking the cycle of abuse is completely possible. Knowing the signs of child abuse and recognizing them in your own life is a start. It can be difficult to accept that you were abused as a child if you have been conditioned to deny or minimize your trauma. However, recognizing the physical, mental, and emotional signs of abuse in your own life can start the process of breaking the cycle.
According to psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Hartney, there are steps that you can take to break the cycle of generational abuse. Some of these steps include:
Reaching out for help
Learning boundaries
Meeting emotional needs through ADULT relationships
Protecting and teaching your child about their bodies
Nobody is perfect, and this includes parents. However, the key to breaking generational abuse is understanding the difference between your relationship with your child and your relationships with other adults. Sometimes emotions from our adult relationships can spill over into our parent-child relationship. Children are sponges, but not for your emotional needs. This is where setting boundaries comes into play. Setting boundaries prevents children from being exposed to inappropriate behavior. Teaching your child about their bodies and protecting them gives your child the tools to stand up for themselves when you can’t.
Most importantly, notice when you need help, and reach out for it. Trauma therapists specialize in trauma recovery for all ages, not just children. No matter how old you or your children are, it is never too late to seek recovery.
Conclusion
We all inherit good things and bad things from our parents. Things like generational abuse can be extremely damaging to family lines because it can be a difficult cycle to break. However, noticing the signs of abuse and taking active steps to recovery give hope to generational abuse victims. It is possible to break the cycle if you put in the necessary work.
You owe it to yourself and your children to be the best you that you can be. This means acknowledging when your behavior is unacceptable and trying to change. Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity was “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.” Raising your children in the same damaging way you were raised will have the same impact. Nothing changes if nothing changes. We don’t get to choose where we come from. We do get to choose where we go. It is up to us as adults to choose differently, for the sake of our children, and their children, and generations beyond.
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit www.safeharborim.com/article/
The novel corona virus has been affecting the United States for over two months now. Last month, we published a blog with good news but decided to make an updated list for you all. Continue to read to get news from around the country including a gym owner and a high school senior. We hope that this helps remind you those good things are still happening, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Inspired by the 1970 Monty Python sketch, homeowners around the world are putting out signs encouraging walkers to do their silliest walks. Taking walks is something no one is a stranger to anymore because of social distancing guidelines. These signs give permission to the walker to relax, forget about their troubles, and just be silly.
Click here for the link which leads to a video of people doing their funny walks!
Evan Swain is graduating from Shiloh High School with honors as well as receiving an associate’s degree in general studies from Georgia State Perimeter. She is a member of the Spanish Honor Society and BETA Club. She is also a competitive swimmer, Girl Scout, lifeguard, certified babysitter, and volunteers at church as an assistant Sunday school teacher. In addition, she is headed to the University of Georgia to complete their Double Dawgs Program. This is where she will earn her bachelor’s and master’s degrees in early childhood education in three more years.
Click here to read more about her accomplishments.
Gym owner, Drew Whitted, lent out gym equipment to members encouraging them to use in their homes. He said, “We don’t want anything left in here if our members can’t come in and train, we want you to take it home and keep training.” There is no rush to return the equipment because Drew knows everyone will be excited to work out together.
In a poll, the majority of Americans have had a “wake-up” call about their eco-friendliness. Most have realized how much food they waste, how many paper products they use, and have started recycling more. Actually, most Americans have said that they will continue these good habits even afterlife returns back to ‘normal’. “COVID-19 hasn’t just changed our habits, but the survey found it’s also affected the way we think about the world.”
Click here to read more about the study and its results.
Sara Rodell, CEO of technology logistics company Loop and Tie, accepted the challenge of connecting families again. The publicity and necessity of this have caused the GoFundMe to raise over $200,000. The purpose of this was so that family members who are quarantined in hospitals can still be in contact with their families. Click here to learn more about what is happening.
Conclusion
We hope that these good feeling news stories will give you some encouraging thoughts and hopefulness. We want to be a source of goodness in this world right now and want to share some of these good things that are still happening.
Written by Lyza Klein, Office Administrator Intern at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page at https://www.safeharborim.com/articles/
During times of stress, it is easy to fall into unhealthy habits. Sometimes, it is easier to give into indulgences that are destructive. Our “new normal” emphasizes community support. However, when we succumb to these indulgences, it becomes difficult for anyone to be a productive member of their community. There are many ways to show support for your community, but the most important way to show your support is to take care of yourself. One great way to care for yourself is by practicing mindfulness.
What is mindfulness and why is it beneficial?
Mindfulness, according to the Mayo Clinic, is “a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment.” Simply put, mindfulness is the act of looking within yourself and acknowledging the way that you feel. The goal of mindfulness is not to self diagnose your problems. Rather, the purpose is to create a safe space to feel your emotions, both good and bad, and understand them.
There are many science based reasons why practicing mindfulness is beneficial. While some smaller studies have found links between mindfulness and certain physiological problems, the main benefits come from the impact mindfulness has on your mental state. Researchers from Harvard University found that practicing mindfulness improves areas such as:
Anxiety
Chronic pain
Depression
These areas of improvement could be due to the self soothing effects that mindfulness has. By locating, naming, and acknowledging your feelings, it can be easier to rationalize emotions that may be causing you stress. Accepting intense emotions rather than suppressing them allows for mental and emotional growth.
How can I practice mindfulness?
The most common image that people associate with mindfulness is meditation. This image may include sitting for periods of time, breathing deeply, and clearing your mind. This particular style of meditation is beneficial for some. However, not everyone has the extra time to set aside to do this. Some people need more than an article or a video on meditation to learn how to do it properly. If you’re like me, intrusive thoughts can make it nearly impossible to “clear your mind” for more than a second. So how can someone practice mindfulness without having the time or the resources? An easy way to do this is to incorporate small mindfulness activities into your daily routine.
1. Bring mindfulness to mindless activities.
There are so many instances throughout the day that you do things “mindlessly” without even realizing it. Actives such as brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or getting dressed for the day are often done without any thought whatsoever. A great way to incorporate mindfulness is by doing it during activities that are already ingrained into your routine. You don’t have to set aside extra time in your day because you are doing it during regularly scheduled activities. For example:
Name 3 things you are grateful for while brushing your teeth
Practice deep breathing exercises while relaxing in a hot shower
Notice the way that your clothing feels while getting dressed in the morning
I have a hard time falling asleep most nights due to anxious and intrusive thoughts. I used to lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling, waiting for a wave of sleep that often never came. Now, instead of wasting that time that I already have, I use it to practice mindfulness. This doesn’t even require me to leave my bed. I take deep breaths through my nose and count my breaths. I locate where I’m holding stress in my body and release it, starting from my forehead and moving downward. Using the time I already have to practice mindfulness has made a huge impact on the quality of my sleep and my overall mental health.
2. Swap screen time for mindful activities
Social media can have a positive impact on our society, but it can also have negative, personal impacts. The most recent data of 2020 states that the average American spends over 2 hours a day on social media. Over time, this equates to over 6 years of your life being dedicated to social media! An easy way to incorporate mindfulness into your routine is to us some of this time on mindful activities. For example:
Journaling: Before you grab your phone in the morning, use some of that time to engage in what some call “process journaling.” I like to call this technique “brain dumping,” because it involves writing down whatever is in your head regardless of whether or not it makes sense. The goal of the brain dump is not to write for a purpose or conclusion. Rather, the aim is to give your brain a break from analytical thinking and just letting the words flow.
Mindful Eating: When we dedicate all of our attention to our screens while we eat, we run the risk of overindulging. Because we are distracted, we don’t always notice when our bodies are telling us to slow down, or to stop eating. Put down your phone while you eat and take some time to appreciate your food. Notice the way that it tastes and how it feels in your mouth. Chew your food completely and swallow before taking your next bite. Observe your surroundings. Be appreciative of the nourishment that many people in the world do not get to enjoy.
Screen Time Curfew: Research suggests that being in front of a screen too close to your bedtime has negative impacts on your quality of sleep. The blue light emitted from screens reduced the production of the sleep hormone melatonin. Without this hormone, it can be very difficult to fall asleep. When you do things online like answer emails or watch a video, you keep your brain stimulated, which makes sleep even more difficult. An easy fix for this problem is to stop your screen use at least 1 hour before bed time. Instead, you this time to engage in mindful and relaxing activities that will help calm your nerves and shut off your brain.
3. Get outside
Being outside presents many opportunities to practice mindfulness. Access to fresh air and sunlight is thought to improve people’s physical and mental health. Being outside reminds us of where we came from and connects us with the Earth. Spending time outside on a nice day can have a peaceful and calming effect. There are so many things that you can do outside that promote mindfulness, such as:
Going for a walk
Cloud watching
Reading a book/ journaling/ doing art projects
Gardening
All of these activities offer mindful moments. Without the distractions that come with being locked inside all day, it can be easier to practice mindfulness outside. Deep breathing exercises thrive on the fresh air. Feel the sun on your skin and appreciate it’s warmth. Listen to the natural music of nature, like birds chirping, or leaves rustling. Enjoy the smell of a flower. Let the calmness of these activities settle inside of you. Put your focus on the external world instead of what is inside your head.
Conclusion
For people who struggle with mental health, mindfulness can seem like an impossible task. It may seem like you need to be an expert and have special resources in order to practice it effectively. Luckily, this is not the case at all. You do not have to devote hours of your time to practice mindfulness, and you can do it from your own home. You can make small changes in your already established routine that can have huge impacts on your quality of life.
In order to serve your community during stressful times such as these, you have to make sure that you are in a good state of mind first. You cannot serve anyone effectively if you do not serve yourself. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you want to make a real difference in your community, you have to make a difference in yourself first. By practicing mindfulness, you promote mental wellness that can benefit not just you, but your entire community.
Click here to read the first part of our mindfulness series!
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit https://safeharborim.com/articles/
While the world adjusts to a new “normal,” there are a group of people working tirelessly to keep everything together. They are essential employees. They are the unlikely heroes that hold society together like glue. In normal circumstances, the impact that these people have in our lives often goes unnoticed. However, in times like these, they put everything on the line to uphold as much normalcy as possible.
What is an Essential Employee?
An essential employee is a person whose job is required in order to maintain important operations. Limitations on employment vary from state to state. There are obvious groups that cross state lines, such as health care professionals and first responders. However, there are many, less obvious trades that are absolutely essential to everyday life. These include, but are not limited to:
Grocery store workers
Pharmacists
Veterinary medicine
Bank tellers
Public transit workers
Postal workers/ Delivery Drivers
Mechanics
There are many jobs that are deemed “non-essential” that are still very important to our society. However, the listed essential employees have the added pressure of being unable to perform their jobs from the safety of their homes. Without them, we could not buy food for our families. We could not pay our bills, take our medicines, or care for our fur-family members. Without public transit, many essential employees would be unable to get to their jobs in the first place. It is important to acknowledge the sacrifice that these people make every day to keep our world running as smoothly as they can.
How can I make essential employees jobs easier?
Any kind of job comes with it’s own pressures. Essential employees are now experiencing the additional pressures that go along with being on the “front line.” Right now, the most important thing that you can do for someone is to show them compassion. This should be extended to the workers whose stress levels are only continuing to increase. A great way to show compassion to essential employees is to make their jobs easier for them.
There are many ways that you can assist in making someone’s job easier. A lot of that is dependent on what kind of job that they do. For example,
when a grocery worker is bringing your items to you curbside, have your trunk/ door already open for them.
When you are requesting a refill on your medication, don’t wait until you are completely out.
Be honest when giving your medical history to a nurse who is trying to treat you.
Give clear directions to your delivery driver so that they can complete their shifts in the most efficient way possible.
Another way to show compassion to an essential employee is to just be kind and understanding. Tensions are high with everyone right now. It is easy to take that tension out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes mistakes are made, items aren’t available, or wait times are unusually long. This can be frustrating, and it is understandable! However, most people are just doing their best in the circumstances that they have. Being patient and flexible is one of the best things that you can do to help an essential employee with their job.
How can I help the essential employees in my life?
There are so many things you can do for your loved one who is an essential employee. The best way to know how to help is to ask! However, there are some general things that you can do for someone to show them that you care.
I am considered an essential employee in my day job. The thing that has helped me the most is having a support system. For example, many grocery stores have cut back their hours of operation, leaving me with no time. My mother and sister have shopped for me many times to make sure I have everything that I need. As a restaurant employee, my partner was furloughed from his job and we took a hit financially. My grandparents helped by paying off the last bit of my tuition for the semester, so we could use our savings for emergencies. A friend of mine knew that I was low on toiletries. She offered to make a trade for some things that I had that she was missing. All of these things took so much weight off of my shoulders.
Even if you are unable to make big contributions, you can still help your loved one in small ways. One small thing that has helped me is the support I have gotten from my family at Safe Harbor International Ministries. We communicate everyday. I get so many positive messages that help lift my spirits. We share good news stories, uplifting quotes, and offer prayer requests for each other. As someone who struggles with mental illness, the impact that these glimpses of positivity has on me has helped my mental health in huge ways. Sending small messages of solidarity to your loved one can help them just as much as helping them physically.
Conclusion
Essential employees take risks everyday to ensure that you can live your life as normally as possible. Without them, the foundations of our society would collapse. We can help these people thrive by being compassionate and supportive. It is more important now than ever to come together as a community and lift up those who need it. If we don’t take care of our essential employees, then we will not have them to keep our society functioning.
Now is the time to be kind no matter where you are or who you are with. Go out of your way to thank someone for their efforts. Negativity is contagious and goes through people like dominoes, but so is kindness. The kindness to show to one person will be transferred to someone else. I’ve mentioned before that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Neither can essential employees. Fill them up with your kindness so that they can keep giving back until we are all back on our feet.
Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit, www.safeharborim.com/articles/
A caregiver is someone who provides direct care for children, elderly or the chronically ill. For some, caregiving is a professional vocation. For others it is a personal responsibility, like taking care of a young child, or a sick family member. For many, they have to balance both! In the US, it is estimated that three out of four workers have caregiver responsibilities. Without enough self care, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and lower their productivity at work and energy levels at home.
Caregiver challenges in the professional world:
The global COVID-19 pandemic has the whole world coming to a standstill. However, the responsibilities of caregivers have increased. Let us take the professional caregivers. For example; hospitals, care facilities and nursing homes are scrambling to accommodate the increasing number of COVID cases. They have to do this with their regular load of patients with injuries, illnesses and various conditions. They have to risk getting the infection everyday at work. But, their worst fear is always bringing it back to home to their families.
Apart from hospital staff, public service workers, sanitary workers and others working during this crisis, they are also facing tremendous pressure. They have to work in a precarious situation and take care for their families. It is more important than ever for caregivers to focus on self care as we have very little access to our support network and community help. Self care is also needed so we can feel better about ourselves in order to care for others. I think the phrase, “You cannot pour from an empty cup” is very relevant here to explain the importance of self care.
Caregiver challenges at home:
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes great emotional strength and perseverance. This is especially true when raising children in isolation during a pandemic. Currently, parents have additional challenges of balancing working during full-time parenting. School closures have also brought in additional concerns. There are concerns of securing meals for low income children. Sadly, there is also the concern of the increased risk of abuse at home for vulnerable children worldwide.
Parents of children with special needs are left overwhelmed. Many have lost access to their community support system and schools during this quarantine. School closures mean that special needs teachers are not able to engage the children in developing motor, cognitive and social skills. Some parents who have lost their jobs are also facing financial uncertainty along with fears of contracting the virus and having to pay high costs in healthcare.
Sudden change in the schedule and time away from teachers and peers can also snowball into emotional issues like aggression, excessive crying, and change in sleep patterns. This can add to caregiver stress. Overworked, stressed parents can easily snap or have an emotional breakdown. This is why self care is so important to relieve stress and improve function.
Self Care Tips:
Declutter your day: Make a to do list of most important things and things you can get away with. For example, cleaning the house is not the most essential task. You can give yourself a break by doing it just once a week or so. Prioritizing your tasks will help you feel more focused and relieved once you check that off your list.
Allot 5-15 minutes to yourself each day: You can do this during your breaks at work. At home, let your spouse and children know that you are taking a few minutes for yourself. Throw your kids some snacks or plop them in front of the tv (we know screen rules are out of the window for now). Shut yourself in your room, put away your phones and any distractions. Meditate, do light exercises or listen to calm music. This will help you regroup your thoughts and give your brain a chance to recuperate from all the overload of information from work, family, news and social media.
Focus on CAN DO instead of the CAN’T DOs: When the pandemic hit my city and we were asked to stay indoors. I spent my first few weeks hysterically watching the news and talking to my friends and relatives over the phone about what was going on. I mostly focused on how we could not go out, how I could not do my work in peace, how I could not order take-outs all the time and how difficult everything was! The more I worried about what I could not do and how chaotic my life was, the more I got stressed and the less I smiled or felt good about anything. I realized how toxic negativity is when my daughter started mimicking it.
What can we do?
In times like this, it is difficult to focus on the positives all the times. This is why we need to train our brains to think about all the things we can do.
We CAN use this time to connect or reconnect with our families. Try to eat all meals together without screen time. Talk about different things that interest you, do family activities like puzzles and board games. This might be a tough time for us parents. But, our kids will remember this as the time when mommy and daddy spent all day with them and did fun stuff together. .
We CAN work from home (at least some of us). One benefit is that we can see a personal side of people we work with. We can let our coworkers see a glimpse of who we really are. We can share similar stories and connect with people on a deeper level. Working from home has also forced several companies to accept telecommuting as an option. I strongly believe that in the future, work flexibility will be very common and beneficial to working parents.
We CAN connect with people on social media. Focus on home projects that have been put off for months or years.
For those who are at home and in good health, you CAN feel safe.
Practice Gratitude
Due to current circumstances, it is easy to fall into the rabbit hole of negativity and feelings of helplessness, frustration and anger. This negativity will only hamper our emotional health spiraling into depression and anxiety. It is important that we remember and acknowledge those who are on the front lines on this disease. We need to be thankful for their perseverance. If you are on the front lines, be grateful for the opportunity to serve your community. People depend on you for safety. It is easier said than done, but we have to purposefully practice gratitude. Reflect on daily positives, like when someone helped you with something or made you smile that day.
Practice Humility and Kindness:
The world needs more love and kindness now than ever. Humility helps us stay grounded and focus on the needs of others. In turn, it will help you feel good about yourself. There is science behind how kindness improves our happiness quotient and you can read here. Spend time listening to what your family or friends have to say. Be mindful of what you put out. For example, its easy to feel angered over difference in opinions with friends or strangers over the internet. Try to humble yourself and avoid any negative posts or people who drain your energy. Don’t hesitate in admitting what you don’t know or asking for help whether at work or at home.
Seeking medical help in urgent cases:
A few weeks ago, my mom told me over the phone that my dad was not feeling well. He had stomach pains that were getting more painful over time. He refused to go to the hospital because of several fears. For example, fear of contracting the virus and increased medical costs. He also feared that no doctor would be available to attend to him. This is understandable since most hospitals have focused their resources in fighting COVID-19. Although my dad’s concerns were legit, it was also important to not ignore a health problem. He should have sought help immediately. Many of us are in the same boat. We ignore health issues thinking that they are not as important. We feel afraid to see a doctor at a time like this.
Conclusion:
Please remember that your health and well being comes first. Only if you take care of your health, you can care for others. If you feel severely distressed, depressed or have suicidal thoughts, please call the National Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for help. For multiple mental health resources in GA state, please click here. If you are suffering from any physical or emotional stress, please don’t hesitate to call your doctor or 911. If you feel unsafe in your surroundings or are being abused, there are resources to help. Call 911 or National domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Chat options are available on their website for those who prefer so. Domestic Violence hotline for GA state: 1-800-334-2836.
Written by Ann Rollo, Human Resource Intern at Safe Harbor International Ministries For more articles, visit www.safeharborim.com/articles/
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NOTICE TO USERS Safe Harbor posts are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, medication, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Safe Harbor is not authorized to make recommendations about medication or serve as a substitute for professional advice. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice or delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on Safe Harbor International Ministries site.
