Growing up, I loved watching Disney movies. I loved the talking animals, the catchy songs, and the whimsical magic that  surrounded these stories. However, there is one quality that most of these movies had that stands out the most; the romance. 

Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and many others exposed us to romance at a very young age. It’s a very specific kind of romance, too, and it can look like this depending on the story:

1. A beautiful princess who is in trouble and needs to be saved/ cared for.
2. A charming prince who has everything he needs in life except for love. 
3. An evil older woman who is jealous of the princess and schemes to destroy her life.
4. A wedding between the prince and princess where they all live “happily ever after.”

For my generation and those before me, these stories were marketed as what all romance should be like. However, as society shifts towards a more progressive outlook, so do young people’s feelings about dating. Studies show that teen dating rates have declined in the past 40 years. The percentage of high school seniors dating has dropped from 33% in the 1970’s to 14% in recent years. Even in the past decade, the percentage of seniors dating dropped from 17% to 14% in just 3 years This could be due to the changing social constructs that now surround teen dating. It could also be due to the rise of social media. The Telegraph reported that it could also be because of less social interaction amongst teens due to social media. 

Regardless of the reason, teenagers should still know about healthy relationships and how to have one. As much as some parents would hate to admit it, dating as a teenager can have positive impacts. Teen dating allows young people to practice forming and maintaining relationships. Dating as a teen also helps young people develop certain social skills. However, it is still important for teens to be able to recognize when they are ready to start dating. 

So, how do you know if you’re ready to date? Here are a few indicators:

1. You have a stable sense of self- worth.

Knowing what you’re worth is the first step in knowing if you are ready to date. Sometimes this can be difficult for teenagers who still struggle with their sense of identity and purpose. It is hard to accept that you must love yourself first when we are fed stories about the “damsel in distress.” We all want to be so special to someone that they will come to our rescue.

Being in a loving relationship can teach you how to love yourself. This is true for me in my current relationship and true of many others. However, this does not typically work for teenagers for a number of reasons. First, teens don’t typically have the life experience necessary to see toxic behaviors in a relationship. This leaves teenagers vulnerable to domestic violence. In fact, Love is Respect found that teenagers and young adult women have the highest statistics for domestic violence. This is why it is so important for teenagers to have high self esteem before they start dating. Teenagers with low self esteem are more likely to be victimized by a partner that is also still learning about themselves. It is harder for them to see abuse because they don’t think they are worth anything more than that.  

In addition, having low self esteem seems to be linked with having a victim mentality. People with this mentality often see their problems and other people as “bigger” than they are. They don’t feel as though they can help themselves, so they look to others for that help. This leaves them open to being revictimized by narcissists who require constant control. It is dangerous to start dating as a teen if you are not prepared to deal with these kinds of predators. 

It is unrealistic as a teen to expect another teen to know how to love you. Knowing your worth before you share yourself with someone else is the most important thing before you start dating.

2. You are open to learning how to communicate.

Communication is key in any relationship, including teen relationships. It encompasses many different aspects of a relationship. It involves being honest, listening, understanding, and valuing consent. All of these things require a lot of experience in order to master. The truth is that most teenagers just don’t have this kind of experience. At their age, teens are still learning how to ask rather than demand. They are still learning how to articulate their feelings. They are still learning how to listen intently and understand empathy. 

Communication is a learned skill that many adults even struggle with. I’m 25 years old and am still learning new ways to communicate effectively. The best starting point for teenagers is being open to learning how to communicate. This means looking at the relationships that you have now, and practicing. When you are upset with your parents, calmly communicate with them instead of shutting yourself away in your room. If a teammate isn’t pulling their weight, be respectfully honest with them instead of talking about them behind their back. When gossip causes drama with your friend group, ask for clarity from them instead of continuing the gossip.

The bottom line is that a romantic relationship is not the place to first practice communication. If you are not successful at communicating in other relationships, then you are not ready to start a romantic one. 

3. You can learn to compromise.

Like communication, the ability to compromise can have a huge impact on the quality of your relationship. Also like communication, compromising is something that many teenagers struggle with. When you’re a teen, you might not have much experience with having to compromise. However, being able to compromise shows a level of maturity that is required to be in a healthy relationship. 

A relationship is a partnership. It is two people choosing to walk the same path together. This means being able to put your partner’s needs before your own. It means setting aside your ego for the sake of your partner. 

Like communication, compromising is something that can be practiced. Before starting a romantic relationship, practice compromising in other situations. If you and your friend want to see different movies, suggest making a compromise instead of arguing about it. Offer to watch their movie in exchange for going to your favorite restaurant after. Obviously, the compromises you’ll face while dating may have higher stakes than this, but it’s a good starting point. How do you expect to have something in your romantic relationship that you don’t have in all of your other relationships?

Compromising also means knowing when to compromise and when to stand firm. Again, this is something that only comes with life experience and maturity. Compromising too little strains the development of intimacy. Compromising too much leaves people vulnerable to manipulation. There is a difference between compromising and being controlled. A compromise means that both people get something out of the deal. It is not a one way street. Knowing when to compromise is just as important as knowing how. Teenagers need to know this balance before getting into a relationship. 

Conclusion

Dating as a teenager is an experience that many young people are familiar with, but not always good at. The level of maturity and life experience needed to have a healthy relationship is not something that most teenagers have. It is important to teens to be self aware in their relationships so that they know when they are ready for this next chapter. 

Disney movies are nice to watch, but they do not represent modern dating trends. Having a good start to romantic relationships sets up teens to have successful relationships as adults. 

Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page at https:/safeharborim.com/articles/ 

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