What is Spiritual Abuse?

When you think about the word abuse, what comes to mind? Family violence, child abuse, domestic violence, etc. Yes, all the above are different kinds of abuse, and all can be highly devastating…but what about spiritual abuse? Can someone actually experience spiritual abuse, and what is it?

First, we must define what abuse is. Abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional) occurs when someone has power over another and uses that power to hurt, manipulate, and control.

In a book called Healing Spiritual Abuse by Ken Blue, he compares other types of abuse with spiritual abuse: “Physical abuse means that someone exercises physical power over another, causing physical wounds. Sexual abuse means that someone exercises sexual power over another, resulting in sexual wounds. And spiritual abuse happens when a leader with spiritual authority uses that authority to coerce, control or exploit a follower, thus causing spiritual wounds.”

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, describes spiritual abuse as: “Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. It often involves overriding the feelings and opinions of another without regard to what will result in the other person’s state of living, emotions, or well-being. In this application, power is used to bolster the position or needs over and above one who wants help”.

7 signs of spiritual abuse:

God Syndrome:

If your spiritual leader has the “God Syndrome” or acts as if they are godlike. For example, the leader may say that he or she speaks for God, that God works exclusively through his or her ministry. Or that followers can please God by pleasing the leader. Or they say, “follow me as I follow God,” or they must see God through their eyes only. These leaders are also emotionally unstable, and they are prone to extreme mood swings that cannot be explained. This may just be seen by followers who work closely with the leader and have close contact with the leader behind closed doors. They tend to exhibit complex/hard emotions and mask their real feelings with false humility.

Pulpit Idolatry:

Extreme admiration, love, or reverence for the leader is required. The leader constantly makes their followers put them on a pedestal or makes everyone exalt and esteem him or her higher than God. The leader is continuously teaching to honoring them, the leader. They make it a rule for their followers to stand or clap every time they enter a room, and if followers do not follow this rule, they are disciplined or told that they are not in line with God’s vision, or they are not submitting to authority.

Burned Out and Exhausted:

You may notice that the followers are quickly burned out and extremely overworked in a spiritually abusive atmosphere. They always feel exhausted after church or serving in any capacity of the church, and they do this all in the name of God. Their church life seems one continuous demand on their time with never a chance to rest. This is a spiritual abuse warning sign.

Individuals are often told this “church work is first, and everything else comes second.” They’re made to feel guilty for not serving or taking a break from their ministry; this is a “project-driven church.” The leader forces his or her followers to participate in multiple projects with little to no breaks in between. FYI…even God rested on the seventh day.

Perfectionism and Rigid Rules:

If your leader requires you to follow rigid rules or doctrine to prove that you are purified and cleaned to serve in the church, that is also a spiritual abuse warning sign. Leaders require complete sanctification from members to prove that they are saved and are ready to serve in the church. Leaders use this as a mask or cover-up and tell their followers that they must be mature before serving the Lord. But in reality, they want total submission from followers before they can be trusted to fit/serve in any ministry. The leader’s hopes are that the follower will be totally brainwashed with rigid rules that the leader put in place to gain total control over the follower. Simply putting it, the follower should not get out of line.

Stripped Individualism and Controlling Private Life: 

Leaders are making rules that would govern every move of the follower outside of the church. I am not talking about Biblical, sound doctrine that Christians should be taught, but how leaders interpret and teach doctrine that turns into controlling every aspect of the follower’s life. Followers are conditioned to act a certain way, talk, and respond to everyday life issues according to how the leader sees life.

Followers are programmed on how to look at the news, what to think about the governmental leaders, and how to simply view the world around them, being brainwashed and programmed to believe and live according to how the leader thinks, leaving the follower without any sense of identity. Basically, you will see “cloned followers” that look and act like the leader and not God.

Fear:

Leaders will use fear and bullying to control followers, creating crippling fear that keeps followers depending on their leader for all of life’s answers. Individual ideas are not welcomed. Leaders also use debilitating fear of the enemy (devil). You will notice that the leader will constantly teach on the subject of “the enemy” or stay focused on the enemy and what the enemy is doing. More emphasis is placed on the warring against dark forces, leaving people afraid of the spiritual world.

Paranoia comes to mind when you see this in action, leaving the followers dependent on the leader to show them how to live to avoid the scary world the leader has created for them.

Island Mentality:

Leaders have the mentality that their church is the only church that hears from God. They claim that they alone have the truth and that they independently practice Biblical Christianity, or that they alone have access to God’s will and pleasure. They speak against other churches and constantly compare their church to others. Whether they do this publicly or privately, it is still clear to its followers that “our Church” has everything and that the followers should not venture out from their own church, or “island,” as I like to call it.

If followers leave the leader, they are talked about publicly and made to feel as though they have rejected God and that something terrible will happen to them or that they will be punished by God for leaving.

Question: Has God ever controlled anyone, made them feel ashamed, or humiliated, burned someone out, told them never to rest, or told them they have to be perfect? The answer is a resounding no.

God is a God of love, compassion, truth, and full of mercy and grace. He is long-suffering and patient. Shouldn’t our spiritual leaders follow God’s example of how to love His people?

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of the 7 signs of spiritual abuse…run, run, run. Like any other form of abuse, the effects of spiritual abuse can be devastating and could have long-lasting effects. Think about it: Maybe it’s time to consider what steps you will need to take to get out and find a loving church full of compassion and truth.

Article by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, check out our blog page: https://safeharborim.com/articles/.