Is Sexual Communication Important for Teens?

The teen pregnancy rate is rising each year.1 Prevention of dangerous sexual decisions and unwanted pregnancies is a serious task, but a parent’s influence is even more important to a teen than you may think.

According to a 2016 study by Magdalena Lorga, Ph.D. Lecturer at the University of Medicine and Pharmacy in Iasi, Romania, “Parental support is associated with good communication on sexuality. Parents providing more support to their children are more likely to use communication skills to shape the behavior of their children and especially engaging in risky sexual behavior.”2

Family communication is essential in the development of decision-making skills and a positive understanding of healthy sexual behavior. In this article, we will explore 4 tips to use to have the “Sex Talk” with teens.

Is Talking About Sex to My Kids Important?

Lack of communication about the difficult subject matter is a common cause of the disconnect between a parent and their teen. Poor or negative communication is a leading risk factor when it comes to teen pregnancy.3

Teens are emerging adults, and as such, are developing world views and opinions of their own. This doesn’t mean that your opinion is no longer important. Statistics show that teens actually believe that when it comes to sex, decision-making would be easier if they could have honest conversations about it with their parents.4

“Teens who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to put off having sex until they are older. They are also more likely to make healthy choices, like using condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), if they do choose to have sex.”4

When Should You Talk to Your Kids About Sex?

Though talking to your kids about sex is not an easy conversation, your communication can be the thing that guides them in staying healthy and making good choices. The good (but perhaps daunting) news is that it’s never too early to start. Many parents choose to start this conversation based on developmental progress. However, this can lead to some poorly timed conversations – coming across to the child as forced, awkward, and even confrontational. Start early and keep the conversation open.

The very normal sense of embarrassment on both sides can lead to a conversational barrier that keeps communication from happening. It is common for both sides to choose to stay silent on the topic, but starting the conversational at a pre-sexual stage can make for a better relationship between parent and child, leading to more informed behavior at a later stage.5

What Do I Say?

1. Listen more than you speak…
   Your child wants to know that you care about them on a mental and emotional level. Demonstrating this by listening to them can be a powerful tool. Listen carefully to their cares and woes. Support their free-thinking, even if you don’t agree with them. Keep up with their interests, and if not joining in on them, show that you understand and take an interest in what they like. Taking an active interest in your child’s life opens an avenue for plenty of conversation.
2. Be ready to answer questions…
   Different questions crop up at different stages of your child’s life. Be ready to answer their questions. Shutting their questions down due to their age may impede your ability to keep trusting communication alive.
3. Understand context cues…
   Conversations about sex don’t have to be inorganic or awkward. Sex is a subject that stays alive – whether it be through TV, the internet, or music. Perhaps a family member is pregnant and your child wants to know how this came about. Use these opportunities to start a conversation.
4. Be honest and loving…
   Adolescence is a time of change and insecurity. Kids at this age need privacy and time to process things independently. However, the more you allow for honest conversation, fun, and quality time, the better this stage will go.

Article written by Brooke Smoke, blogger for Safe Harbor International Ministries

References:

1. https://www.chausa.org/publications/health-progress/article/november-december-1995/communication-strategies—teen-pregnancy-prevention-and-support
2. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/36ff/91540efec144e2cad09054c746fd85cdb922.pdf
3. https://www.verywellfamily.com/teen-pregnancy-risk-factors-2611269
4. https://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-sex
5. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5808426/