3 HUGE Signs That You’re In a Bad Relationship

Written by Marquetta Smith

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Dating | Teen issues | Teens

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02/26/2020

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. How could there be? People make mistakes all the time, and these mistakes often affect more people than the person making the mistake. This includes their romantic partners. Because of this, it can be difficult for people to know when they are in a bad relationship. This is especially true of teengagers who don’t have life experience to refer to. How can you tell if there is no perfect standard to look towards?

For teenagers, there are many signs that you should look for to know if you are in a bad relationship. Studies even show that 1/3rd of teenagers will experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships. Some are easy to notice, like physical or sexual abuse. However, there are many others that are subtle and easy to overlook. Once you know them, they are easy to spot. Here are 3 huge signs that you might be in a bad relationship:

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1. They gaslight you.

According to Encyclopedia Britannica, gaslighting is “an elaborate technique of psychological manipulation, usually by one deciever to one victim over and extended period.” Basically, this is when your partner manipulates you into not trusting your own sanity. It is a narcissistic type of abuse that is used to reaffirm the abusers need for affirmation and power. It takes many forms, but can look something like this:

You find texts between your partner and their ex. They are intimate in nature. You confront your partner with the evidence, but they deny it. How can they deny it when you have proof in your hands? You push forward, but they still deny the texts, and they turn it against you. Why were you going through their phone? You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re just mad and crazy. They know what it looks like, but they promise that it’s just your imagination. They snatch the phone away from you and complain about the invasion of privacy. You wonder if they are right.

This happens over and over again, until you lose your self esteem. You question all of your thoughts and choices. Eventually, your partner has complete control and knows they can do whatever they want without the fear of consequences.

Gaslighting has only recently been identified as a form of abuse, but it is detrimental to its victims. It destroys any sense of sanity or self esteem one has, and leaves the victim at the mercy of their abuser. It allows the abuser to isolate and manipulate their victim even further until they have been completely dominated. It is especially important for teenagers to look out for this red flag. This is because it is generally easier to manipulate and influence a young person. Because it is so catastrophic to the psyche, it is important to notice early when your partner is gaslighting you.

2. They lie to you constantly.

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You hear it all the time: “Honesty is the best policy.” This may seem like a no brainer, but for some people, it is easier said than done. Some may even ask why lying is bad in a relationship in the first place. What is a little white lie to spare the feelings of someone you care about? Who cares if you bend the truth just a bit if it helps keep things comfortable? The truth is that no matter what the intention is behind the lie, it is damaging.

It is easy for teens to overlook lying as a red flag because it is something that many teens do. However, lying damages a relationship in many ways. Like gaslighting, it undermines the victims self esteem and confidence. It leads to distrust, which blocks the growth of intimacy. It stimulates feelings of guilt, shame, and paranoia. Victims of chronic lying often report feelings of anxiety and suspicion in regards to their partners. Research from The Center of Ethical Leadership even shows that lying can have negative impacts on your brain.

When your partner lies to you, they are not respecting you. They are insulting your intelligence by assuming that you can’t see through their stories. They don’t care about your feelings because they don’t care about the effects their lies have on you. They don’t recognize your relationship as a partnership and see you as beneath them. Teenagers need to be taught that lying is not healthy in any relationship. This knowledge could help them identify and avoid bad partners as an adult.

3. You don’t trust each other.

Trust is arguably the most important thing in any relationship. Relationships will ultimately fall apart if there is not some level of trust and understanding between partners. A lack of trust can cause a relationship to break down in many different ways. For example,if your partner doesn’t trust you, it can cause them to act irrationally. This could look like being overly controlling of the way you dress or the people you talk to. It can also look like invading your privacy or lying. None of these things stimulate positive growth in any relationship.

If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no foundation to build anything long lasting on. You can’t count on each other. You can’t assume that your partner has your best interests at heart. You can’t be at ease in your life because you will always be worrying about the other person betraying you. Trust is a 2 sided coin. Your partner has to trust you as much as you trust them in order for a relationship to work properly. Staying in a trustless relationship wastes time and leaves people, especially teenagers, vulnerable to abuse in the future.

Conclusion

Knowing the signs of a bad relationship is the first step in identifying toxic behaviors in your own life. It’s easy to see some of these signs, but smaller red flags that can also cause significant damage. It is especially important for teenagers to be able to see these signs as soon as they see them in their relationships. Love is about trust and honesty; there is no room for manipulation and deceit.

Written by Bethany Fischer, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, please visit our blog page at https:/safeharborim.com/articles/