“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy 5:16

Introduction

The summer season is a common time for family get-togethers, so we’ve acquired some tips for successful family reunions. The weather is nice, kids are out of school, and the timing is best for family members who live far away from each other. Although we’d like to imagine the perfect family reunion coming together seamlessly, that’s most often not how it goes. 

No family is perfect, but every family is valid. No matter the reason you have for being weary about reuniting with family, it’s important to focus on the positives that can come from it. Family is a blessing, whether it’s given or chosen. Reunions are a great way to celebrate the blessing of family that God has provided us with.

Family reunions are difficult for some families- here’s why

         Photo by Carolyn Von Unsplash

If you’ve experienced domestic violence or family violence in your past, family reunions might bring up some uncomfortable emotions. Although family gatherings might have been dangerous for you, that doesn’t mean you can’t create happy memories with your own family. It’s understandable to be cautious about large family gatherings, especially if it brings up painful memories. Healing can come from replacing those painful memories with new, joyful ones of your own. Know that you do not have to repeat the cycle of trauma that you have endured.

Even if you didn’t experience any type of family violence, family reunions can still be stressful. In my own extended family, there are certain family members who don’t always get along. Often at my family reunions, things can get a little messy after some adults have had a few drinks. So, although I always look forward to getting to see all my family in one place, sometimes I get anxious, hoping that nothing goes wrong. 

Or maybe, it’s the stress of planning and traveling to a family reunion that turns you off of the idea. There is a lot that goes into it, if you are trying to gather family from all over the country, or further. If you can’t all gather at someone’s house, you have to find a venue, and plan for food and housing accommodations. There’s no doubt that it does take some work, both physical and emotional work.

These are all valid challenges that can make people shy away from family reunions. However, the benefits of these gatherings outweigh them, if they are planned correctly!

Benefits of family reunions

           Photo by Benji Airdon Unsplash

A family reunion serves a different purpose to every family. My parents chose to move away from the East Coast when I was little, and that meant leaving all of their family on the other side of the country. They sacrificed seeing their family all the time to come to California to give my siblings and I a different experience than they had. Because we don’t see our relatives as much as my parents’ siblings who stayed on the East Coast, my parents make it a responsibility to take a vacation to see them every summer. We usually use our summer vacation to reunite with family that we get to see once a year, or less. 

For some families, reunions may be fewer and farther between. Here are some additional reasons to have a family reunion:

• An older family member is in poor health. Sometimes it’s important to gather the family together for what may be their last time to visit with an elderly relative.
• To meet new cousins, nieces, or nephews. Family reunions are a great opportunity for everyone to meet new members of the family!
• A fresh place to bond. Maybe you live close to all of your relatives, and you see them all the time during your daily life. Sometimes, a vacation will serve all of you well. Great memories can be made in a new place, different from your everyday memories at home.
• There’s a conflict to work out. Like my family, many families have drama, or conflicts between certain relatives. As I mentioned, no family is perfect. A family reunion can be a good place to work out issues, if both members are open and willing to.

Tips for successful family reunions

        Photo by Andrew Neelon Unsplash

With all of this being said, it’s more than possible to have a successful family reunion. We have some tried and true tips to follow when planning your next get together. 

1. Determine who, and how many, are actually coming. In order to plan accordingly, you need to first figure out how many people are coming. On top of that, you need to know WHO is coming. Sometimes, it’s best to leave certain family members out if they are dangerous, or knowingly hard to get along with. I have a relative who often causes more harm than good, and as painful as it is to leave them out of gatherings, we know it’s for the best.
2. Set a budget that is reasonable for everyone. The amount of money you can spend depends on how many people are coming, and how much those people are comfortable spending.
3. Pick a venue that is the most convenient for everyone. Once you know who is coming, you can pick a place to meet. All the better if you have a relative who has a home that can accommodate everyone. If you need to book a place, it’s best to get everyone’s input and choose somewhere with the easiest accessibility to the majority. 
4. Brainstorm multiple activities that will satisfy everyone. If you have a large age range of family members, you’ll need to find different activities that are suitable to the ages. Having planned activities also makes the time go smoother by occupying it. Consider a venue that has activities that everyone will enjoy, like swimming, fishing, or some sports courts! Otherwise, you can always put together activities like family trivia, board games, or cornhole. You can also have a “kids table” with some easier crafts to occupy younger kids.
5. Document the event. Designate someone to take photos or videos. Afterwards, you can create a memory book or slideshow to share with the family who was present, along with those who couldn’t attend. This will ensure your memories last forever! 

Conclusion

Families are complex. Every family has a different dynamic, and history. But most families share the same goal; to appreciate the blessing of each other. Having a family reunion is a great way to do that, even though it takes some coordination. Hopefully these tips come in handy when you’re looking to plan your next reunion.

With the COVID-19 pandemic seeming never-ending, many families have had to cancel their reunions this summer. If this was the case for you, you can try to coordinate a zoom reunion! Then use these tips to get excited for your rescheduled reunion, maybe next summer. 

Written by Grace Haass, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.