Emotional abuse is very devastating, and in some cases, can be more traumatic than physical abuse. Bruises and broken bones heal and leave visible scars, but for some, emotional abuse can linger, shaping them later in life and leaving invisible scars.

For emotional abusers, there are no particular targets. Abuse does not depend on gender, class, education, ethnicity, or political affiliations, showing up in any household imaginable. Most emotional and physical abusers are narcissists and psychopaths who display no empathy and are massively self-centered.

For survivors, staying out of emotionally abusive relationships can be difficult. This is especially true when abusers manipulate your emotions by acting kindly or expressing a longing to get back together. Unfortunately, the likelihood of their narcissistic or psychopathic tendencies changing is low, so leaving and getting the help you need to start healing is the best thing you can do.

How Emotional Abuse Affects the Brain

According to recent studies, chronic stress resulting from emotional abuse or any other kind of trauma releases cortisol. This is a stress hormone that can damage and affect the growth of the hippocampus, which is the main area of the brain associated with learning and memory. This leads to mental diagnoses like depression, anxiety, PTSD and C-PTSD.

PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is the result of a traumatic event or a series of events. C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is “the result of persistent psychological trauma within an environment in which the victim believes there’s no possibility of escape.” Another damaging effect on the brain from long-term abusive relationships can be Stockholm’s Syndrome, in which victims identify with their abusers and can even defend the abusers’ actions.

How to Heal After Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship

The fallout of a relationship marred by domestic violence can include harassment, attacks, or both. The ongoing mental trauma and emotional stress that follows can lead survivors to ask if leaving was worth the effort. A victim’s self-esteem is often extremely low at this point because of the abuser’s destructive work in their lives. If a survivor tries to rush recovery, this may result in depression, anxiety, and self-judgment. Because abuse is rooted in power and control, breaking away from the mindset that the abuser imposes in the victim is hard even if the survivor has already left the relationship.

Rebuilding your life will take time, but finding closure and peace is possible. Below are some steps to take to transition from victim to survivor:

1. Cutting off all contact with your ex is your first step
2. Surround yourself with support
3. Take care of yourself
4. Remember that healing takes time
5. Tell yourself the truth, don’t be in denial
6. Exercise
7. Journaling

During this process of healing, you may feel like you need to forgive your abuser or that you are to blame for some part. This is not true, as you did nothing wrong. Be sure to surround yourself with a strong support network, whether that be with friends, family, or through counseling and support groups. Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to recover. Remember that none of the abuse was your fault.

What Next?

While everyone at some point has heard the phrase “time heals all wounds,” the reality is that the process of recovery can feel incredibly frustrating. However, if you give yourself the time, you will begin to heal.

Emotional trauma victims need to feel physically and mentally safe, but this is easier said than done. Fortunately, it is still doable: if you pay attention to words or situations that trigger you, you can avoid further trauma and anxiety. Find things that make you happy and rediscover hobbies and activities that you once loved. This will take time, but is crucial to your restoration from domestic abuse since you are finding out who you are again. Having come out of an abusive relationship, you already have the internal strength to make future challenges a little less scary. You are now free and strong.

Written by Jessica Christian, blogger at Safe Harbor International Ministries

Related articles from SHIM: How to Get Help if You are a Victim of Abuse, What Is Domestic Violence?, Recognizing Signs of Abuse, Why Therapy is Important for Trauma Survivors, How to Recognize an Abuser

References:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/coping-with-emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
https://www.crisistextline.org/get-help/emotional-abuse
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-26165/5-lingering-effects-of-emotional-abuse-and-how-to-heal-them.html
https://flyingfreenow.com/healing-emotional-abuse/
https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw_5rtBRDxARIsAJfxvYACvwN-jdbXK0kSWMndYbj2ab61gWVYMOfKheBQh7i4lf0k_zHMgTAaAvRTEALw_wcB
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse#effects-on-children
https://hackspirit.com/3859-2/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neurosagacity/201701/the-brain-can-work-against-abuse-victims
https://kimsaeed.com/2014/02/01/ptsd-in-the-aftermath-of-narcissistic-abuse/
https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/effects-of-emotional-abuse-on-adults