by Marquetta Smith | Dec 5, 2017 | Family Life
Are you dreading the holidays? Do you wish the holidays would go away quickly so you can get back to your normal routine? Well, join millions of people around the world. Dreading the holidays is very normal. Almost all of us dread something about the holiday season, according to the fourth installment of the Consumer Reports Holiday Poll of 2016. The pain for some people is remembering the loss of a loved one around this time. For some, this can be the time that they may even contemplate suicide or have suicidal thoughts.
The last two years for our family have been hard, and at times unbearable, due to losing close family members around the holidays. Dreading the holidays this year, we all braced ourselves for it, because we were reminded of who we had lost in previous years around this time. Here we are again, facing another emotional rollercoaster due to several family members dealing with sickness.
I can remember one Christmas, I was so depressed that I purposely missed Christmas altogether. Yes, I totally missed Christmas. That year was extremely hard for me, because my family had moved to another city. I have never spent a holiday without my family. So I laid in bed all day long, feeling depressed. That night, sadly to say, I wanted to die. Lying in bed did not help me at all. It just made things a lot worse for me.
I began to question God. I mean, how do we get through the holiday while cringing at the thought of all the past memories? So how did we get through Thanksgiving? Someone in our family asked us if we could celebrate our Thanksgiving four days earlier. I can’t begin to tell you how much stress left us and how relieved we all were to celebrate earlier. It was something about changing up our traditional routine of how we celebrate the holidays and going off script this year.
How to get through the holidays can be very tricky, and at times, depressing if you think about it long enough. As stated earlier, this can be the hardest time of the year for some people. Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult, but add special holidays in the mix and you could be facing some deep depression.
So how do we get through dreading the holidays? The best advice is to not allow yourself to grieve alone. Being alone during the holidays along with grieving the loss of a loved one can be very difficult and extremely depressing. It is very important to set aside time to be around others during this time. You don’t have to dread the holidays alone.
Other Helpful Tips that Can Help You Get Through the Holidays
- Talk to a close friend you can confide in: Many times we feel like we have to deal with things on our own. Talking about feelings and emotions is a big part of the grieving process.
- Cling to your faith: Reaching out to God to help you navigate the holiday season can be very helpful. He knows just what you need, and He is ready to provide for you in your time of grief. It is as simple as talking to God like you would talk to a friend. Don’t feel like you have to have a long, drawn out prayer to be heard by God. He hears even the shortest and simplest prayers. Psalm 34:18 says that “the Lord is nigh (close) unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” -KJV
- Take people up on offers of help: Don’t feel like you have to do everything on your own. When people ask to help, let them. Also feel free to ask for help when you need it.
- Don’t try to do too much: Break holiday tasks such as cooking, shopping, and card-writing into smaller chunks, delegate to others, or allow yourself a break from them this year.
- Take care of yourself: Grief and the caregiving that often precedes the death of a loved one takes a great physical toll. Take care this holiday season to get enough sleep and eat wisely (including alcohol and sugar in moderation). A body that is in the grieving process requires a lot more attention.
- Seek professional help if needed: Let’s face it, sometimes we may have tried everything, and we still may feel that we need help. This is the time to seek help from a professional (licensed counselor). In trying to find a counselor, the best advice is to get a referral from someone you trust.
Some tips were taken from the HuffPost blog
For more helpful tips about family, and for more encouraging stories and articles, visit the Safe Harbor blog.
Article was written by Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 29, 2017 | Family Life, Words of Encouragement
During a Response: Understand and Identify Burnout and Secondary Traumatic Stress
Responders experience stress during a crisis. When stress builds up it can cause:
- Burnout: feelings of extreme exhaustion and being overwhelmed.
- Secondary traumatic stress: stress reactions and symptoms resulting from exposure to another individual’s traumatic experiences, rather than from exposure directly to a traumatic event.
Limit your time working alone by trying to work in teams.
Responder Self-Care Techniques
- Try to limit working hours to no longer than 12-hour shifts.
- Work in teams and limit amount of time working alone.
- Write in a journal.
- Talk to family, friends, supervisors, and teammates about your feelings and experiences.
- Practice breathing and relaxation techniques.
- Maintain a healthy diet and get adequate sleep and exercise.
- Know that it is okay to draw boundaries and say “no.”
- Avoid or limit caffeine and use of alcohol or drugs.
It is Important to Remind Yourself…
- It is not selfish to take breaks.
- The needs of survivors are not more important than your own needs and well-being.
- Working all of the time does not mean you will make your best contribution.
- There are other people who can help in the response.
Responders will experience stress. Managing stress and taking breaks will make you a better responder.
Resources Available to You
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Disaster Technical Assistance Center (SAMHSA DTAC)
Toll-Free: 1-800-308-3515
Website: http://www.samhsa.gov/dtac
SAMHSA Behavioral Health Disaster Response Mobile App
Website: http://store.samhsa.gov/product/PEP13-DKAPP-1
Administration for Children and Families
Website: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Mental Health
Website: http://www.bt.cdc.gov/mentalhealth
Department of Veterans Affairs National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) PTSD Information
Voicemail: 1-802-296-6300
Website: http://www.ptsd.va.gov
Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
#AtlantaCares, #safeharborim, #tipsforcopingwithdisasters, #Harvey, #Houston, #nonprofit
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 29, 2017 | Family Life, Parenting, Stories of Hope, Words of Encouragement
Children base their reactions in part on what they see from the adults around them. When parents and caregivers deal with a disaster calmly and confidently, they can provide the best support for their children. The better prepared parents are in helping children cope with disaster, the more reassuring they are to others around them, especially children.
Self-care and preparation are critical for parents and caregivers. The more prepared, rested, and relaxed they are, the better they can respond to unexpected events, and the more they can make decisions that will be in the best interests of those for whom they are responsible.
Children’s reactions depend on their age, and are affected by how close they are to an event, their level of exposure to it through TV, and how they see their parents and caregivers reacting.
Seeing repeated images of a disaster in the media can intensify people’s distress. Early on, consider limiting the amount of exposure you want for yourself and your loved ones.
Common Reactions
In most children, these common reactions will fade over time. Children who were directly exposed to a disaster can become upset again. Behavior related to the event may return if they see or hear reminders of what happened. If children continue to be very upset, or if their reactions hurt their schoolwork or relationships, then the parent may want to talk to a professional or have their children to talk to a provider who specializes in children’s needs.
Tips for Helping Infants to 6-year-old Children Cope With Disaster
Infants may become more cranky. They may cry more than usual, or want to be held and cuddled more. Preschool and kindergarten children may feel helpless, powerless, and frightened about being separated from their parent/caregiver. They may return to bed-wetting and have a hard time sleeping.
Tips for Helping 7 to 10-year-old Children Cope With Disaster
Older children who know about loss may feel sad, mad, or afraid the event will happen again. Peers may share false information that parents or caregivers then would need to correct. They may focus on details of the event and want to talk about it all the time. This may disrupt their concentration and affect how well they do in school.
Tips for Helping Preteens and Teenagers Cope With Disaster
Some preteens and teenagers respond with risky behaviors. This could include reckless driving, alcohol, or drug use. Others may become afraid to leave home. They may cut way back on how much they hang out with their friends. They can feel overwhelmed by their intense emotions, and yet be unable to talk about them. Those emotions may lead to increased friction, arguing, and even fighting with siblings, parents/caregivers or other adults.
Tips for Helping Special Needs Children Cope With Disaster
Children who are ventilator-dependent, or who are confined to a wheelchair or bed may have even more pronounced reactions to threatened or actual terrorism. The same is true for youth with other physical or mental limitations. They might display feelings like distress, worry, or anger because they have less control over how they get around than other people. They may need extra verbal reassurance, or more explanations, hugs, comfort, and other positive physical contacts.
Other Reactions
Not all children respond these ways. Some might have more severe, longer-lasting reactions that are influenced by the following factors:
- Direct exposure to the disaster: whether they were evacuated or saw people injured or dying would affect them, as would being injured themselves or feeling their own lives were threatened.
- Loss: the death or major injury of a family member, close friend or pet.
- Ongoing stress from the effects of disaster: this includes being away from home, losing contact with friends and neighbors, and losing things that were important to them, like a favorite toy or access to a playground. Their lives are disrupted when they no longer have a usual meeting place, or their routines and living conditions change.
- A prior experience of trauma: including having lived through or observed abuse or a major disaster.
For more information about how to cope with a disaster, visit the following:
This information is provided by the Centers for Disease Control, the American Red Cross, and Prevention (CDC).
Marquetta Smith, Executive Director of Safe Harbor International Ministries
#AtlantaCares, #safeharborim, #tipsforcopingwithdisasters, #Harvey, #Houston, #nonprofit
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 11, 2017 | Featured Post, Stories of Hope
We are so excited to share with our readers that we sent another free quilt and embroidered pillow to one of the nominees for the month of July, the Love Project, a free quilt and pillow giveaway. This week we sent off a quilt and pillow to Missouri, to a special woman named Marjorie Miller who has been a blessing to so many people in her life. We celebrate her on today and say to her that she is loved.
She was nominated by her daughter Samantha. Please read what Samantha says about her mom:
“My mom is such a hard-working lady. She takes care of her sister with Alzheimer’s. She is always there to help one of our family members that is struggling. She has had to let them live with her when they had no place to go. She just had shoulder surgery. She used to quilt all the time. She has made all the family members quilts. But now with the shoulder surgery, and she also has degenerative bone disease in her neck, it is hard for her to do any sewing. I really think she would appreciate the quilt and pillow. After all the hard work she has done, she deserves this.”
-Samantha
Samantha, we celebrate you and your mom today and we say to both of you that “You are Loved”!
Marjorie, enjoy your quilt and pillow from Safe Harbor!
For more information about the Love Project, or to nominate someone to receive a free quilt and pillow from Safe Harbor, please visit us at safeharborim.com
by Marquetta Smith | Aug 10, 2017 | Featured Post, Stories of Hope
We are so excited to be a blessing to a little girl who was nominated for the July Safe Harbor free quilt give away The Love Project. Finnley is a precious little girl who was nominated by Angi to receive one of our very first Love and Quilt sets.
Angi says this about Finnley:
“Finnley is extremely sick, and such a fighter! I would love for her to know that she is so very special to so many people. She is in dire need of a bone marrow transplant, and no match has been found yet.”
Please keep this little girl and her family in your prayers. Here is the quilt and pillow Finnley got this week.
For more information, visit our page on The Love Project. You can also read and keep up with the Love Project by visiting our blog page.
