When the holidays roll around, there’s always an emphasis on gathering with family or friends to celebrate. For some, that’s just not feasible. Some people may have lost a loved one, and the holidays are just a reminder of the pain and loss that they have suffered. Let’s face it, celebrating holidays without that special loved one who died is not always easy. This article explores what grief can feel like, what journaling is, and we offer 3 reasons why you should start journaling during the Holidays if you have lost a loved one.

The past two years have been challenging for some families due to losing their loved ones. Some have lost loved ones through Covid, heart attacks, cancer, domestic violence, and many other illnesses. I can attest to this. Even before the pandemic, we lost one of our favorite Aunts around Christmas time, and it still bears pain for some around the Holiday seasons. Let’s face it, grieving sucks, and it can be very draining. 

Grievers deal with a barrage of traumatic memories, painful emotions, logistical issues, secondary losses, and so on. It’s no surprise that many people choose to avoid grief-related triggers, people, places, and things, especially around the holidays, to achieve some kind of ‘normalcy. 

For those grieving, understand that people around you may start to invite you to family and friend outings, get-togethers, and, yes, those pesky Holiday dinners. Even though they do not mean any harm, it can still be a bit much for the griever. Here is a simple word of advice, it’s okay to say no if you genuinely do not want to go. It’s okay. 

Let’s explore 3 reasons why you should start journaling during the Holidays if you have lost a loved one.

What is grief?

Grief is an intense feeling of sadness or sorrow. Grief is not always thought of like a full-body experience. But just as grief can affect mental health, it can also have physical aspects. Physical symptoms may not come with every kind of grief. But intense grief, for example, caused by the death of a child or partner, can bring about side effects that may feel more physical than anything else.

What grief can feel like

Grief, bereavement, and loss can cause many different reactions and can affect people in different ways. Everything you feel is valid – there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. 

These, however, are some of the most common feelings:

• Anger
• Guilt
• Tiredness
• Exhaustion
• Overwhelming sadness
• Shock
• Numbness
• Insomnia
• Nausea
• Fatigue
• Weight loss or weight gain
• Aches and pains
• Lack of appetite 
• Agitation 
• Irritability
• Depression

Journaling your feelings…Does it help? 

Some research suggests that disclosing deep emotions through writing can boost immune function and mood, and well-being. Conversely, the stress of holding in strong feelings can ratchet up blood pressure and heart rate and increase muscle tension. You might want to seek professional support to help you start to deal with your grief before trying journal writing.

Here are 3 reasons you should start a journal to help you process your grief.

• It helps you deal with your feelings instead of avoiding them: Journaling about grief requires you to take a closer look at your grief-related memories and experiences rather than avoiding them. When we talk about avoidance regarding grief, we usually refer to an attempt to block out, reduce or change unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or bodily sensations. 

Blocking emotions during the grieving process is not healthy and eventually comes out in other ways. Though small amounts of avoidance can give you a break from your grief, chronic experiential avoidance can cause more significant problems. Painful memories and emotions often don’t go away on their own, so if you actively avoid them in an ongoing way, they stick around, and you never learn to cope with them. Journaling helps prevent complicated grief. 

During the first few months after a loss, many signs and symptoms of normal grief are similar to those of complicated grief. However, while typical grief symptoms gradually start to fade over time, those of complicated grief linger or get worse. Complicated grief is like being in a constant, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing.

• It Has Amazing Health Benefits: Journaling has been found to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. It also helps with physical symptoms such as cardiac symptoms and lower diastolic blood pressure and those with asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. Individuals reported after they journaled, they saw improvement in their illness and provided many other health benefits.  

• Journaling Helps You Sleep Better: One of the number one things I hear from people who grieve is that they have decreased sleep or can not fall asleep and stay asleep. Some people find they sleep too much; some people find they sleep too little; some people find they lay awake at night staring at their ceiling thinking about all their fears, anxieties, worries, sadnesses, the empty space beside them in the bed. 

Nighttime has a way of bringing uneasiness to individuals who are grieving. Research has found that writing or talking about worries, concerns, or other complex thoughts before going to bed can reduce ruminative thoughts, help people fall asleep quicker, and improve sleep quality.

If you need help to start your journal today, need ideas on getting started, or purchase your own downloadable journal, please visit our site today at Safe Harbor. 

Tips to help you start journaling

• It’s essential to establish your own ritual, your own way of journaling that works for you. Don’t feel you have to conform to any particular style. Experiment to find out what’s going to work and be successful for you. For more journaling ideas on getting started or purchasing your own journal, visit our site Safe Harbor. 

• Try writing for 15 to 30 minutes a day for three to four days, or as long as a week if you feel writing continues to be helpful. You could also try writing for 15 to 30 minutes once a week for a month. One review of research on journal writing found that writing has more substantial effects when it extends over more days.

• When you begin journaling, try to truly let go. Write down how you feel and why you feel that way. You’re writing for yourself, not others. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure. When I journal, I like to put a date, time, and where I was when I journal, this allows me to look back at the dates and times to see my progress or not. 

Conclusion: 

In this article, we explored what grief can feel like, what journaling is, and we offered 3 reasons why you should start journaling during the Holidays. 

Remember that you are not alone. It is easy to feel like you are entirely alone when you are grieving, especially during the Holidays. Remember that that is not the case. Most people feel similar to how you might be feeling after experiencing a loss. 

If you need to talk to someone, remember that there is support available. If you need to speak with someone today, please reach out to our counseling center to chat. We offer a safe, nonjudgmental space to help you heal. 

Written by Marquetta Smith, MSSW, ED, Christian Counselor at Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles please visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/

Resources: 

Good Therapy, May 20, 2018 : https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/when-loss-hurts-6-physical-effects-of-grief-0520187 

Well Clinic, July 31, 2019: https://www.wellsanfrancisco.com/5-signs-that-you-might-need-grief-counseling/ 

https://whatsyourgrief.com/5-benefits-of-grief-journaling/

Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374 

Harvard Health: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/writing-to-ease-grief 

The studies in this article and many others are outlined and referenced in the books by Pennebaker and Smyth. If you want to read more about research on expressive writing and traumatic experiences, I encourage you to check out the book called, “Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain”