Dating can be very daunting for many new singles, especially if the person has not dated in a while. This journey can be full of ups and downs. I would tell anyone thinking about dating again, no matter how they became single, to first spend time alone with God. Spending time in prayer and consecration can help the newly single person develop a stronger relationship with God.

I really believe that this is so important before launching into the world of dating. By spending time with God, you get a chance to listen to God’s heart for you and talk to Him about your past painful experiences and ask Him to heal you from things that can keep you from meeting the right person. 

It is so important to get healed from past hurts and traumas because you don’t want to drag your past into your future. God is so concerned with your healing. Psalm 34:18 states that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed.” Allow God to deal with your past so that He can move you into a glorious future. 

Here are a few more tips for newly single folks:

• Please get to know who you are first before you start dating: Singles often sit around hoping for that special someone to come into their lives but have spent very little time getting to know themselves. Getting to know yourself is so important. You need to know what you like, what you don’t like, your fears, strengths, and weaknesses. You will better understand what you will tolerate and even what you absolutely can not handle by getting to know yourself. Take the time to get to know yourself to know what kind of person will be a good fit for your life and what kind of person you won’t be.

 

• Know what you want in a relationship before you start dating: Spend time writing down specific things you would like to have in a relationship. Go deeper in understanding what type of character you would like to be with, not just superficial things like looks. 

 

• Don’t set a timeline for when you will meet the person you want to marry: We often set timelines for when we should be married when we begin dating. This puts pressure on you as well as the person you are dating. This is not a race but a journey. I truly understand that some newly singles don’t want to drag out this process and just like the process of dating to be over. Been there and received many T-shirts for that feeling. But trusting God’s timing is far better than setting our own timeline. 

 

• Make sure you are ready to start dating: If you’re not prepared to date someone, just don’t do it. It’s better to feel completely prepared and confident enough to meet someone who can compliment you. Make sure you are open and committed to finding a long-term relationship, and in turn, you could meet someone really great. 

 

• Just because he (she) pursues you doesn’t mean he’s (she’s) good for you: We all have a desire to be loved, to be pursued, and to be wanted. But sometimes, we fulfill that desire by allowing relationships into our lives that are neither good nor healthy. Don’t settle for someone who pursues you that you are not interested in. Chances are you may be wasting your time and theirs. 

 

• Don’t try to force it to work when it’s obviously not working: Sometimes, we know that a relationship is just really complicated and challenging, yet we try to force it anyway. We make excuses when we should be setting boundaries. We try to push it into place instead of watching it fall into place – and then we end up pushing for the rest of the time. But healthy relationships need to have the space to unfold naturally, step by step, without force.

 

• Don’t be so quick to make the person your man or woman: Allow the friendship to happen first. Many times as singles, we overlook the power of friendship first. Friendship is such a vital foundation for building a relationship. The best marriages happen when you marry your BFF…so cultivate a friendship first.

 

• Just because the person looks good does not mean that they are suitable for you: Try to avoid this obvious and serious mistake many people make when dating. Physical attraction can be deceiving. It’s important to remember that physical attraction is essential – but it’s only one piece of the pie. Search for someone you’re mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attracted to because that is what completes the picture of a healthy relationship. 

 

• If you are going to try online dating, find the best dating site for you: There are many dating sites out there, and some are good, and some are horrible. Do your homework first. Choosing the right dating site takes time and research – you want to find something that caters to your needs and desires. Don’t be lazy and ensure you thoroughly check the terms and privacy: does the website guarantee complete privacy of your messages and photos? If so, you’ll have the reassurance that people on the dating website are really there to meet someone, just like you. Also, take advantage of the online personality tests the dating site has. Those tests are then used to match members with similar traits to create the best chance of forming a long-term connection. 

 

•  Ask God to complete you as a person while you are waiting: Continue to deal with your past baggage, get a grip on your identity, and ask God to give you a vision for your future. Do you genuinely know what you are called to do in life? If not, take the time to find out what it is and start moving in that direction. Everything you invest in becoming healthy and whole right now, you’ll reap the rewards for later in your relationships. It’s never in vain to become the best version of yourself.

 

Written by Marquetta Smith, MSW, Certified Christian Counselor, Safe Harbor International Ministries. For more articles, visit our blog page at https://safeharborim.com/articles/.